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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Nannies - do you have any advice?

4 replies

smilerc · 15/01/2014 06:26

The family I nanny for are splitting up. Sad

It's all very fresh and obviously I won't go into details but have any of you gone through this? Can you offer any advice? I've told my mb that I am here for her and I've offered my help support when needed and am happy to do anything I can do to help.
Is there anything else I can do?
I'm obviously a little worried about my position but they are on a trial separation and then I have a decent amount of notice so I should be ok.
My heart is breaking for my two young charges. They are so little and haven't a clue what is happening. I just want to cuddle them and give them lots of love.
I feel devastated for my mb. Sad It's really effected me.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 15/01/2014 06:42

Don't take sides. Stay neutral even if db couldn't keep his dick in his pants tho not saying he didn't

Tell children that mummy and daddy don't love each other any more but they both love them and always will

Try and keep their routine as normal as possible

Yes job security could be at risk - then again any boss can come home and say they've been made redundant or like my friends boss last week giving up to be a sahm - and never expected her to do that - she's such a career woman

NannyLouise29 · 15/01/2014 07:38

I started with a family, and six months later the parents split. I stayed for eighteen months more and it was tough. The kids were school age, so more prone to their own opinion on things, so it was important to manage it eg.
"Daddy is always late, he doesn't care about us"
I would answer that public transport must be bad or that he was stuck in a meeting. As tempting as it was to join in the general disdain for their father it is so important to remain neutral.

That said, my MB paid my wages. She paid for everything actually, and so my job security was solely dependant on her. DB, instead of telling me to do something, now had to ask. I had the option to say no. So the dynamic shifted a bit. That took a bit of getting used to.

Depending on the type of personality your MB is, she might talk to you about everything or keep it all in. If she decides to offload, then it's fine to listen, even offer some neutral advice. I often told my MB how impressive she was keeping everything together. Whatever you do, DO NOT join in with DB bashing. They might get back together and then you'll surely be sacked as part of the "new start".

MB will lean on you more as she'll need more support. This can be good, and will probably bring you closer. I made sure mine had a supper cooking for when she came home, even if it was just a baked potato in the oven.

Remember to look after yourself. It's a fallacy to "stay for the kids" as they have two parents who are looking out for their best interests. Separations and bumps in the road are all part of life. Remember to look after yourself and be the best nanny you can. Don't stay longer in the job than you need/want to because you feel that the kids need you.

Long post, but I've lived it recently and am aware of the pitfalls! I was live-in so it was all more intense, and we moved house twice during all of this (to a smaller house each time) so disruptive for me too.

Good luck, sounds like you care, and that's a great start.

NannyLouise29 · 15/01/2014 07:40

To add, the kids might spend time at DB's house. If DB is unreliable about washing/ironing their stuff you'll need to train the kids to bring it back with them.

It will make your life SO much easier.

smilerc · 15/01/2014 19:07

Thank you both.

I'm trying to be neutral but it's hard as I am closer to mb and have lost respect for him. At the moment I don't think he will have them, he is in a hotel at the moment and would never cope with both the children (mb words). Part of me is thankful they are so young (a baby and toddler) so they don't ask too many difficult questions but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm just so sad for them. The eldest has already been asking where daddy is. Sad

I am doing my best to keep things as normal for the children and am doing as much practical stuff for mb and am making her food and have bought her some easy options for weekends etc.

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