children not listening

[DerbyshireNanny]

Hi everyone
Hoping that i will be able to get a bit of advice of you lovely people.
I look after three children the eldest being 4.
They are good children and when i look after them will listen to what is asked of them. When their parents ask the eldest to do things though they get totally egnored. This is the same if myself and the parents are there and i ask her to do something.

I am looking for a bit of advice to solve the situation because when the eldest doeant behave for her mum her punishment is not going to the groups that i take them to which means a day inside with the three od them which isnt great and i really hate having to be in all day
Thanks everyone

Communication is a two way process. Often when a child is "not listening" the message being said is not being communicated effectively.

What sort of things are they not listening to? If it is something like "put your shoes on" and they don't listen,I would get down to their level, make eye contact and ask them to put their shoes on because ...

It's a shame that the other children and you are missing going out just because of one child. Can the response be something more immediate that only affects that child?

I think you have to tell her mum that the punishment has to change because as it is, it punishes all the kids which is unfair on the other three.

Tell her to look after the child herself on days she wants to withdraw activities. No need for the others to suffer because of her bad parenting.

Deferring the punishment for not listening to another day is ridiculous for a four year old! They are not old enough to link the two together and for it to prevent a recurrence of the behaviour. It also sounds a pretty severe punishment for behaviour which is fairly common at that age. How many times does she have to not listen for this to be imposed? Once, several, lots of times? And once you have withdrawn the group for the next day or whenever, what is her incentive to start listening then? She might as well carry on ignoring you for the rest of the day.

You need to speak to the mum and ask her how she feels about giving her children who are behaving exactly the same "punishment" as the older one who has mis-behaved. How can not going to groups be a punishment for one child but, not, apparently for the others? Between you, come up with a different list of sanctions for not listening or turn it around and create a reward for chart when the dc does listen and obey instructions!

Hi thanks everyone for replying my name is different, i was suppose to name change before this so my employer couldnt identify me so this post may dissapear later on.
The behaviour has to go on for a while before she is told she is not going out. The not listening can be to anything really, but like i say when here i have no problem with her listening to me as long as no one else is here.

Its the not going out bit i find hard. Done sticker charts etc with other things eg toilet training and they dont get followed through but ill try find something different to do thats also new to her

Right i think i am going to try and get a marble jar to use for reward and try and get everyone to follow the same. Need to try talk to her mum about doing time out when asked three times and she doesnt listen? Or taking a toy away. The problem with time out is she sometimes plays up in the night so ofcourse cant have time out so would need something different in place