Contact with old nannies?

[nannyk]

If you had a nanny that stayed with you over 18 months and that nanny left on great terms but didn't keep in touch, how would you feel? A family I know have just had a letter out of the blue from a nanny they had, she left a year ago. They loved her but had little more contact after she left, and they too didn't make much of an effort to keep in contact. Now this nanny has written to apologise for her (and I quote) "crapness in writing, but I had a lot going on in my life and unfortunatley this kept me from being as good in keeping in touch with you as I wanted. I really hope you will write and tell me how the kids are etc as I miss you all terribly." Would you write to her and reinstate some form of contact? Their kids have asked after the nanny several times and the new nanny is still compared to her on occasion. They asked me, as a nanny myself, why would she have got back in touch after all this time? Is there an alterior motive? The letter has unsettled them and personally I can understand why. It's an issue that interests me as nannies play a big part in childrens/families lives and what is the protocol regarding post-employment contact if both sides have neglected it for a year? Should the relationsship just be left to fade or is it worthy of breathing new life into especially if it was a successful one whilst the nanny was employed? I'd love to hear what nannies and parents think about this.

I used to be a nanny (pre having my own kiddies), and I often meet up with the family I nennied for. I to am not as great at keeping in touch as I would like, somehow real life and children get in the way and all of a sudden you realise that a whole 6mths have gone by just like that!!!

I would say that she is being completely honest and really does genuinly want to see how the kiddies are. When you have nannies for a family for some time, and maybe even lived in, those children become very much a part of you (and I KNOW how that feels). She probably really does just want to know how they all are, and also that they miss her as much as she misses them.

My old charges were a girl and her twin brothers who were not quite 5 and 2 when I started living with them and nannying. I fell in love with the whole family completely and utterly, to the point that when I had my first child I went back with her when she was just 5wks old to look after them part-time and holidays.....

They are all now 21 and nearly 18....and when I see the boys now (well, men really), I swell with pride that I had something to do with shaping them and .

The daughter even comes to sleep over occasionally, and she is a delight.

AND.......I only get to maybe see them evry few months, but we all understand how life goes. Just because we/they are out of sight, it doesn't mean we don't have them in our thought.

HTH some, and tell you friends, that she really does only want to see how they are all faring.

oooh.....my spelling and punctution are bad......thats cos of the time. Hope I still make sense????

I also think that it sounds honest etc...

Perhaps they could write back and send some photos...

it is true that time can fly by without us realising it, and also very true that us nannies DO get attached to the children we look after.... at least i know that I do!

I am still in contact with all the families whom i have worked for, but one of them i dont see as osten as i like... maybe 2 or 3 timesa year... with a phone catch up about 6 weeks - 2 months!

What an interesting question.
All but two of our ex-nannies are "family friends" (the others left on amicable terms but have just faded away). One, who was with us for three and a half years, lives near us and has the children for an outing two or three times a year; the others don't live nearby and instead there are long letters with pictures at Christmas.

The difference I guess is that all of these ex-nannies have busy happy lives themselves (one now has her own family) and so the contact is just friendly and easy, there's nothing about anyone desperately missing anyone else. Also, our kids are hugely adaptable and aren't, for instance, confused by seeing beloved ex-nanny for an outing and then being back to the routine of current nanny.

So my view is that the relationship should continue, but only when it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. It sounds as if the family is feeling uncomfortable?

The only thing I find odd about her letter is the use of the word "crapness".

Gosh, I would hate to think that our nanny might not keep in touch after she leaves us. Perish the thought!

Hi thanks for your replies. I should add the nanny is Australian and the Mum is too, so the swearing is a normal thing I think between them - even their litle girl (aged 4) says crap and bloody hell!!!!

Anyway they've decided to send a card back to her and enclose up to date photos.

It got me thinking though, I am pretty useless myself in keeping in regular contact with old families. I try and send birthday cards and pressies to the kiddies at the very least. My last family have moved abroad for a few months and I have yet to receive an address or a postcard - and I myself can't get in touch to let them know I too am abroad now! I hope we won't lose contact as they were wonderful to work with and I woould like to know how the lil ones are. It's a tough if not the toughest part of nannying - leaving the children.

You could just send a note to their old address. They have probably set up some sort of forwarding.

Uh... I don't think that kind of talk is typically Australian. Am I mistaken?

Hi I don't think it is "typically" Australian but I was trying to convey their attitude to swearing was more relaxed - maybe that is typically Australian (if there is such a thing) ?