Having long overdue chat with nanny today... why do I feel so anxious? (sorry waffle alert)

[incognitotoday]

It's been an ongoing issue about non-attendance leaving us in the lurch and I've been very supportive and understanding, but now it's starting to impact on my work and 'nice chats on the side' obviously didn't help. So today it's finally happening that I'm going to sit done with nanny to have a serious chat and I'm feeling so anxious about it it's not funny. Guess that's why I never had aspirations to become a manager I'm a wimp when it comes to stuff like that!

She already knows the 'issues' that need to be discussed so hopefully it will run relatively smoothly as I'm hoping to use that as a starting point for the discussion... i.e. 'N' you know what we need to talk about...

I'm sure it's all going to be valid reasons why she's been off so much and I don't want to seem an ogre but obviously the situation isn't really sustainable for us and she needs to get whatever the issues are sorted.

So what do I do if she says 'I'll make sure my attendance is better'. How much time do I give her to 'proof' it? Would I then put that down in writing? AAAAAAAAAAAH I really don't like this situation.

Waffle over. Thanks for reading I'll go back to chewing my fingernails now, well at least what's left of them

write down the points you want to get across and the order you want to say them and have that in front of you.

Be clear that you can't continue with this and that she has x amount of time to address it before you have to take action. TBH it doesn't matter what her reasons are - she hasn't done what is required of her in her job and she needs to sort it out, not you. Don't take responsibility for the situation from her.

She'll probably have a sob story for why she hasn't performed to the level you want. Whatever it is you need to stay detached and focus on the problem you have or you'll end up talking about her problems and not yours!

Good luck, sure it'll be better than you think.

thanks meowmix, I'll do the list right now

My 'problem' is that I know what it's like to have health problems so am feeling very sympathetic, well at least I was till now.

My 'excuse' was I had a small baby that didn't sleep and also pnd... not one she can use . But I acknowledged I had problems and just did temp work to be flexible so didn't have a single person really beind so dependent on me.

off now to meet up with nanny... gulp

You might want to sort out for yourself what the consequence is of her not showing up to work. i.e. she'll be out of a job. And then tell her what the consequences will be. Personally, I could possibly stomache about 4 sick days a year. And, they would deffo be unpaid. Let's face it. The only reason I have a nanny is so I can go to work. So, if having a nanny is keeping me from going to work, then what is the point? I'd be better off with an au pair and a childminder.

Uwila, that was part of our conversation, i.e. if I loos my job because I have to take so many days off she's out of a job too

Sort of got to the root of things during the chat, that being stress due to personal problems which now could go either way... erhem that's really informative eh?

Told her she has to go away and decide for herself whether she can assure me, within reason of course, that her attendance will improve drastically. To which she mentioned that I said that I'm looking into nurseries and then she wouldn't have a job anyhow. To which I of course said... I started looking at nurseries because I need to be able to rely on childcare etc. etc. etc.

So not a very productive meeting but at least I got an acknowledgment out of her that she understands why I'm upset

Will check out a nursery tomorrow and then make a decission I think. Guessing letting her go due to change in requirements looks better than trying to 'ditch' her due to mal-attendance...

Yes, but if you let her go because there is no longer a requirement, then you are making her redundant, which means you can't fill the position again any time soon. But, if you let her go because she failed to perform then you can hire another nanny without offering her the job.

I realise that but going for a nursery is not filling her post or is it?

No, I was just thinking if nursery doesn't work out in a couple months time you can not then hire a different nanny without first offering the position to little miss never shows up.

ah well I cross that bridge when it comes to it like the nickname

If she's been with you less than a year then she has very few employment rights anyway. She cannot sue you for unfair dismissal unless it is on grounds of sexual discrimation, racism and one other reason which I have forgotton

So no issue whether it is redundancy or not

Uwilla...I am a doctor and 4 sick days a year? Unpaid? You realise not only is that illegal (Full time workers are allowed at least 7 sick days a year) it is unlikely someone will only have 4 days of feeling unwell a year. Bronchitis for example will keep you off work for a week. I find your attitude surprising. You would prefer your child to be infected by the sick nanny?

blustarmum ... carefule Uwila bites.

She has a live in nanny who would be around with her bacteria/vira anyhow, and I'm sure Uwila would not whip her to work if she's in bed with hight temp and coughing her lungs out.

She was I think more referring to my situation of multiple very short stint absences...

Yes, I mean 4 days of unrelated sickness episodes. And it is not illegal to not pay them. SSP kicks in on day 4 and it is reimbursed by the government so I'm not paying it.

Incidentally, I do pay my nanny for the day so long as I believe she is genuinely ill. And as my nanny lives in my house it would be rather difficult to pull a sickie anyway.

I don't think it's normal to have four unrelated sicknesses a year. Basically, if I would go to work, I expect her to come to work.

And, incognito is right, we all live together so might as well go ahead and get the sharing over and done with.

well the "other one you can't think of" is actually disability discrimination, so you need to be clear that any absence is not related to any disability, as defined by the DDA. e.g. depression?

Ahhhh... maybe you should do the redundancy thing.

HC but shouldn't she mention depression or what ever to me instead of 'I think it was stress, but don't want to go into details and it might go either way'?

Probably going the redundancy route anyhow if I find a nursery. I've got enough on my plate without having to worry if nanny shows in the morning. O.k. nurseries don't take kids when they're ill, but tbh the kids have been ill less than the nanny

Incognito, I think you should cover yourself just in case she later comes back and says, "I was suffering from depression but didn't realise it at the time."

Just protect yourself.

Oh lookie, Bluestarmum doesn't have any other posts on mumsnet... wonder if she has another screenname(s).

It could only be discrimination on grounds of disability if they had been diagnosed and shared that diagnosis with you. Additionally before it is classed as a disability depression has to be long term and have been diagnosed for at least 6months. Any sickness related to the depression must be covered by a sicknote if it exceeds the normal 5 day period.

Uwilla is right, there is no obligation to pay someone for the first 3 days of any one period of sickness. Thereafter SSP kicks in which is recoverable from HMC&R.

The (large) company I work for figure out time-charge rates using an average of 5 days sick leave per year. Clearly, as an average, some people will need to take much more, and some people take much less, but that's seen as a reasoable average.

As a doctor, bluestarmum would see a lot of ill people and therefore have a different expereince of people's sickness.