Mother's help getting on my nerves....

[katieks]

Tell me it's not just me, please. I work shifts, here there and everywhere so we hired a mother's help as kiddies at nursery in mornings and I have a lot of day's off during week. But...
...she eats all the chocolate and crisps and nice things in the house, drinks my luxury hot chocolate (which I only keep as a treat), doesn't do any cleaning unless I specifically ask and even then, does it so badly I feel the need to do it again myself and when she's here with kids and I'm trying to sleep/work/etc. she doesn't interact with kids, she's just here as a presence to make sure they don't hurt themselves.

I can see why nannies don't want mum's around at home as I feel awful when I'm around her and constantly trying to make suggestions as to what to with kids, what could be done around house cleaning-wise etc.

I feel like there's this passive-aggressive wall building up between us and I want to address it before things turn sour.
Reasons why I want to keep her: I don't have time to find alternative childcare, she keeps to herself in evenings, kids get on well with her.
Please helps

is she a mother's help or a live in nanny / housekeeper? if you need a professional nanny who also cleans your house, you need to pay substantially more than you'd pay to a mother's help.
what guidelines have you laid down for the consumption of food in your house? people can't just guess stuff you know.

What have you contracted her to do? It sounds like you need clearer guidance e.g. 9am - 10am hoovering / dusting nursery etc. and be clear what food of yours she can eat.

Not sure I'd keep a mother's help who didn't interact with the kids though, even if she did keep out of the way in the evening.

What is her role, what are her hours, what are you paying her, what were her references like?

I think your expectations are as muddled as your post.

Traditionally, a mother's help lends a hand as needed for a few hours a day.

If she is doing more than that she is an au pair or a Nanny.

I'd try and change things a little at a time.

Get her to take the children out some of the time when you are there. Set out an activity for them to do (play doh, painting, sticking, building a train track) each day and remind the nanny in the morning that you need to sleep/work this afternoon and please do this activity with the children when they get home from nursery.

Same with the cleaning, do a list everyday and be very specific eg clean the surfaces and then wipe with kitchen towel afterwards. Please clean the microwave with mr muscle and remove the tray to wash.

I'm not sure what you can do about the food issue apart from not buy it or hiding it away somewhere.

She sounds exactly like our au pair. I've had to hide the sweets I have bought for ds2s party. Driving me nuts eating all the chocolate in the house.

I echo what everyone has said about being very clear and giving lists etc

Good luck