We have a terminally ill baby and Social Services are coming tomorrow to introduce a Link family. Not sure what questions to ask. Help please!

[CheekyBambino]

So, we found out recently that our 7 month old baby is dying and has only months to live. We've been offered some respite care by Social Services in the form of a Link family. On the one hand we really need some respite, but on the other hand how do I leave my vulnerable precious baby with someone else? What can I do to find out if this family would be okay for my baby? This is all new to us and I'm not sure just what to ask etc. Any advice would be much appreciated! Many thanks in advance.

I'm so very sorry to hear this. Could they help you in your own home with your baby (so you can shower, nap etc), if you don't want to be separated?

Thanks Womnaleplus, that might be a good option, but we have a teeny tiny 1 bed rental flat, so could be tricky. It could be a good way forward while we get to know them and see how they are with our baby.

Yes, that sounds like a good plan - you could see if you are comfortable with them at home first, and then maybe build up to them taking baby out for short walks?

You might want to ask them what their previous experiences working with families have been - perhaps they will suggest an approach you haven't thought of yet.

Really good advice Womnaleplus, thank you. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the various meetings at the moment, so hard to deal with all the practical stuff as well as the emotional side.

They only put the very, very best carers into these sorts of situations. And as all foster parents are pretty damned amazing in the first place, just think what the pick of them would be like.

I hope you find a way to take some time now. You do need some breaks. It'll be hard now, but remember that later you'll want to be there all the time, and you really don't want to have exhausted yourself beyond the possible then.

I was so sad to read you post, and will think of you and you baby, wishing that the thoughts of a stranger can help. I hope it goes as easily as it can for you

I was a respite carer for a 1 year old very poorly boy and his mum lived in tiny bedsit! The trust was built up gradually and you will not have to 'hand' your baby over. I stayed in the flat for at least 2 weeks before mum trusted me, then I only went out for half hour. By the end mum actually got a little job and I was left on my own with him. You will either start trusting your carer or not. DO NOT be pushed into leaving baby till you're ready. So wish I could help....and sending ALL my love....

Thank you EdithWeston and Marylou62, you've really helped to put my fears to rest. I feel so tired though at the thought of what is to come. You are right that we need to keep our strength up for what is ahead. And yes, the wishes of a stranger really do help. Thank you!

How did the meeting go, cheeky?

Hope it went well Cheeky and that you've been able to start getting a feel for the link family

Trust isn't ever going to be instant - take your time getting to know them. They'll be doing the same with you and your dc.

Do you have any children's hospices locally? They can be a great place for respite aswell.

Wishing you lots of love and strength.

Xxx