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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Child minder smacking her own child

21 replies

Lucyccfc · 05/12/2013 20:29

Just wanted to get the thoughts from others on a situation with my DS's childminder please?

My DS has been with this child minder for 3 months and really likes it. I have been really happy and comfortable with him being there. The child minder has a 4 year old DD, who can be a bit lively at times, has a bit of a hitting habit and doesn't listen very well. My DS told me tonight that his CM smacks her DD when she is naughty.

My DS doesn't seem too bothered by it, but he did say that it's not a nice thing to do (I never smack).

As I never smack, it's making me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I am not sure if I need to speak to her about it or if it is actually non of my business how she disciplines her own child.

Just to say, she has never smacked my DS - she would get sacked and a smack from me in return if she did lol.

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goldie81 · 05/12/2013 21:54

As a cm I wouldn't dream of smacking mine. Believe you me I have an extremely difficult 5yr old who plays up more because of wanting more attention!!
I was under impression that as a cm we weren't allowed to use physical punishment 2any children. Including your own. Will have a look tomorrow & check that!

dyslexicdespot · 05/12/2013 21:57

I would get a new childminder ASAP.

goldie81 · 05/12/2013 22:03

So would I!!!

lovelynannytobe · 06/12/2013 07:49

I do not smack my own children and never have. However I do not mind other people smacking their own. I was smacked as a child. I would have a chat with a childminder and ask if she'd mind not doing it in front of other children. It is really non of your business how she disciplines her child as long as she is not beating them up (which you'd have to report to children's services) but your child should not have to watch it.

ZuleikaD · 06/12/2013 10:57

As a CM you're not allowed to use any form of behaviour management that adversely affects another child - your DS has commented to you that he doesn't like it so it clearly is affecting him adversely. I too would find another CM.

Lucylouby · 06/12/2013 13:42

I'm a cm and thought you could do what you want with your own children. I don't smack them as I discipline all the children here the same and as I don't smack mindees it wouldn't be fair to use different punishments for the same thing.

Ofsted commented to me once that they weren't bothered by what my own children were doing when I was inspected they weren't here to see them only the mindees.

ZuleikaD · 06/12/2013 14:58

You can do what you want as long as it doesn't adversely affect mindees.

Goldmandra · 06/12/2013 15:39

The old EYFS specifically required childminders to challenge corporal punishment by anyone, including parents, of any child they care for. I'm not sure if it's in the new EYFS but I'm sure someone on here does.

It's unprofessional and unethical behaviour. While she is childminding, her own child counts in her numbers as a childminded child and the same standards apply to that child as to any other.

I would raise it with her and ask her to ensure it doesn't happen when your child is in her setting.

Greensleeves · 06/12/2013 15:41

My child would be out of there before you could say "shit parenting".

Shallishanti · 06/12/2013 15:44

Afraid I wouldn't trust her. Either you think it's OK to smack or you don't. If she thinks it's OK she may be thinking 'Id soon get this naughty mindee sorted if only I coud smack him/her'....

Shallishanti · 06/12/2013 15:46

In fact, when I was looking for a cm many centuries ago it was a 'screening' question I'd ask in a very neutral tone. Only if they looked at me aghast did they get on the short list.

CarolineDeWinter · 06/12/2013 16:40

I wouldn't trust her to look after my DD.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 06/12/2013 16:46

Mine did this and it made me really uncomfortable. DS also started copying it - every time I did something he didn't like he'd grab my leg and try to smack my bum I got him to stop this but he'd still say "If you don't do X, you'll get a punch!" (substituting the word I didn't like "smack" with another which he thought was better ) We were moving so I didn't take him out at first but this happened after a longer time of him witnessing it.

As it's been only 3 months I'd move him.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 06/12/2013 16:46

Actually I wonder if it's the same one

MelanieRavenswood · 06/12/2013 16:51

She looks after other children, and knows how to manage their behaviour without smacking them. So she is actively choosing smacking for her own child despite knowing other strategies? I would be out of there very very fast.

HSMMaCM · 06/12/2013 18:15

Whether or not you agree with her being allowed to smack her own child , if your child sees it he will be upset and/or copy.

Original poster

Lucyccfc · 06/12/2013 20:04

Thank you everyone for your responses" some mixed, but interesting views.

I talked to my DS about it tonight and he said that is didn't bother him (he thinks the CM's DS is really naughty) however he did make me laugh as he said, she should use timeout or remove her toys as a punishment.

I am going to speak to the CM next week and let her know that it makes me feel uncomfortable and take it from there depending on her response.

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 06/12/2013 20:19

I would make sure your DS's version of events are accurate, but if they are I would find a different childminder.

doughnut44 · 07/12/2013 00:23

I would just mention to her that your dd was a bit concerned/ upset to see another child be smacked.

insancerre · 07/12/2013 14:57

The fact that he is talking about does show that he is bothered about it.
CMs should not be smacking their own children in front of other children. It can have a negative impact on other children. How is that child expected to know that the CM won't smack him? He will not know and be in a state of anxiousness all the time, even if he isn't able to articulate it, it is bound to have theat effect.
I would be looking for another cm.

lilyaldrin · 09/12/2013 11:30

I wouldn't be happy about my child witnessing an adult hitting a child - I think it would confusing/upsetting for him even if the behaviour isn't directed at him.

If I am trying to teach my children that violence is wrong, and it isn't ok to use violence to force someone smaller/weaker to behave the way you want, then I don't want a trusted and respected adult to be acting in a way that undermines that message.

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