The Hair that Broke the Camels Back... nanny off sick AGAIN...

[incognitotoday]

I approved a weeks holiday for her short notice and she was due back today. Have to say I was not surprised when I received a text this morning saying she is ill and is going to see the doc.

This has been on-going with at least 1-3 days a month off sick. Had a real bad bout Christmas, January and March/April. So far I've been very understanding and leniant as I'm 99.9% certain she wasn't pulling a fast one but I've about had enough.

Was also supposed to go for an interview this afternoon as I was looking and changing jobs due to lack of work where I am, but with nanny being less than reliable how can I possibly start a new job???

Thankfully I have a great boss who is very flexible, probably also because he doesn't pay me if I don't work, but even he's starting to frown at my frequent absences...

I'm in such a mood today I'm 'that' close to just texting here 'don't bother coming back, I'll pay the 4 weeks notice pay into your account'. Won't do it of course because I know I'm wound up and impulsive...

Not sure what I want from this post, but had to vent Thanks or reading.

Does she have wee kids at home making her ill? Chronic health problems?

That sucks.

I wouldn't dismiss her because of illness, but make her aware that you may not be able to afford her services soon as you are earning less than planned (even if that's her fault!)

I am the most lenient employer in the world, but i would be suspicious and unhapy at 1-3 days every month and especially a day at the end of a holiday - and the message by text. Why couldn't she phone you?
I would have a return from sickness' review meeting with her.
Set it up as a meeting, tell her it is obviously a concern for BOTH of you if she is off sick because you potentially cannot earn enhuogh to pay her, so you are concerned to know what she is doing to keep herself healthy and make herself well, what medical suport she is getting etc. Allin a 'suportive' tone, tather than accusatory, of course.

Also, i would rigoously enforce any contractual clauses about whether she gets sick pay beyond a certian number of days a year.

Sorry you are feeling so frustrated - hardly surprising!

I like Chandra's suggestion. Good one!

I wasn't going to dismiss her because of illness per se but basically if I'm out a job she won't have one... not quite in those words of course but along the lines chandra and blue.

Have had a 'I'm concerned about your health' chat last time round. I know she's got some health issues, and was 1/2 thinking about suggesting to find a job that is more flexible in working hours and the employer less dependant on her being there every day until she's come to grips with them.

And expat... she has no little kids at home.

I tend to agree with Blu - 1-3 days a month is a lot. and the texting makes me suspicious too - doesn't she know that the point of pjhoning in sick is to make yourself sound as pathetic as possible so your boss knows you really are ill?

But how long has she been a nanny? if not long, it could be that she's not used to the viruses of children and it should start getting better after I think about 2 years? (do you remember that year after your child started nursery? I hadn't had a cold in about 5 years, then had 5 years worth in one).

SP she's been with us over a year. The really bad bout in March/April I 'forgive' as we all came down with first stomach bug/flu and the kids got chickenpox which she caught again even though she had it as a child. However the other occassions are more things like dodgy tummy and ear infections.

I'm fine with the texting bit as opposed to phone call as with 2 under 5's answering the phone can be a challenge ;)

And yes I remember when dd started nursery ... she'd bring home a runny nose and I'd get bronchitis ;)

oh ok, she has "ishoos"

it is annoying isn't it? My childminder has at least one day a month off too (usually because her mother or dog is ill or something) and she only works 2 afternoons a week so 1 day a month really hurts. but I don't complain because she is in fact a lot more reliable than my last childminder.

Just a personal perspective that I hope may help you make your decision.

I lost my first job after university because of lingering ill health. I was a "boarding assistant" - a sort of pastoral care person - in a boarding school. The hours were very long, I was commuting across London to Oxford and back twice a week, and the job was physically and emotionally draining. It was, for quite a long time, a question of a couple of days here, a day there, and it gradually became obvious that I wasn't up to the job. I was suffering from ME and fibromyalgia and "getting over" a major mental and physical breakdown. After losing that job it did take me a very long time to recover my health properly. If they hadn't sacked me - in the nicest possible way - I would have gone on running myself into the ground and I would probably still be ill now.

I was very upset when I lost my job, although they were very fair, paid me two months notice and didn't make me work it.

Looking back though, I think it was the best thing that could have happened. There was no way I was able to address my health problems while struggling to hold down that job and it was unfair to the children I was supposed to be taking care of, to me and to my employers for things to continue as they were.

I don't mean to ramble but I just thought it might help to illustrate the point that IF your nanny isn't taking the piss, you might be doing her a favour if you do decide to make a clean break. I know you don't want to be unfair, but perhaps it's detrimental to her as well as to you for things to go on as they are?

SP when I only had dd I used a childminder and because she had extended family she never took a day off, besides holidays of course, where I had to keep dd home... sounds like you've had a bad run with cm's

GS thanks for the insight. I am 'assuming' that the work might be a bit too much for her. I know I'm shattered after having spent a day with my kids, hence I go to work to 'recover' . Originally nanny did 4 days @ 10h per day. Now it's 5 days but 'only' 7.5 hours with dd being in nursery for 2.5 of them and ds is pretty self sufficient on a good day but hard work on a bad day. So as much as I appreciate that it is hard work looking after kids, it's the job she chose so if she's not up to it... also I think she hasn't quite got over the mindset that when she was working catering/hotels etc. she could swap shifts if she didn't feel up to doing hers. However, as I'm a 1 person employer I am reliant on her working the hours stipulated and that hasn't quite sunk in maybe? Not that I'm saying she's 'thick' but maybe just no commen sense?

Oh I so hate having to confront her.

I think you will have to let her go as its obv not the right arrangment for you 8but8 I think comments like I forgave her for having chickenpox and no common sense (she's either ill or a liar, common sense doesn't come into the equation) need thinking about? I suspect a nursery, alabeit more expensive, would suit you better in the long run TBH. And wouldn't you get a balance in terms of additional income from having reliable carewith built in alternatives?

I put forgave in ' ' for a reason and the commen sense thing is imho maybe a valid point? The commen sense to see that if she works for a big company where they can swap shifts it doesn't matter if she's of intermittent poor health but if working for a parent who has to rely on her being there as there is no-one else to fill in...

Also I was in a rather grotty mood when I started this thread this morning which is not necessarily very conductive to clear and pc thinking/typing/arguing

Have been thinking about nurseries as of September/October when dd starts school as then having to put only 1 child into nursery would work out slightly more favourable than a nanny. That's assuming I'll still have a job then as the compahy I work for might have to close due to lack of business. Which in turn of course would mean I have to find another job which will most definitely not be as close or good hours to co-incide with school hours so reliable childcare even more essential.

Probably going to get 'keel hauled for this' but was thinking about sending this to my nanny:

QUOTE:
As we are usually quite rushed in the morning and do not have time to speak properly I thought I drop you a note in preparation of the chat we need to have.

I do appreciate that looking after the kids is hard work and that this might be a contributing factor for your poor attendance over the last 6-8 months. I am sympathetic to this, however, you in return have to also appreciate my situation and the strain this puts on me in regards to my job and finances. Especially trying to look for a new job I need to be able to rely on my childcare as close to 100% as possible, as I am very certain that any future bosses will not be as lenient and flexible as my current one.

I am aware that in previous jobs you used to be able to swap shifts or make up the hours, which is fine for a bigger company but not practicable at all for us as in our case there is nobody but myself or dh to step in when you are not here.

In light of this you might want to have a serious thought about whether this position is really what you want and able to commit to.
END QUOTE

Bad idea???

Honestly?

Think the info in the letter is fine, but should be done face to face. if the face to face doesn't go well then yu can send a written warning and take all the usual steps one would take before giving notice.

Has she been a nanny before this job? Does she have a history of health problems with previous employers? Do you think some of her problems are self inflicted - ie - if someone phones (or texts) sick on a Monday morning, I would wonder if it was due to a hangover, or not enough sleep after too much partying....

I agree with peachy - written things can look a lot sterner, and she might panic in the face of it, in which case you won't have achieved anything

having said that, I don't think she is being much real help to you at the moment & I really hope you got a resolution soon

SFPC yes honestely I put it up expecting a fire & brimstone response so that's not too bad

The 'problem' I have is that I@m crap at things like that face to face and also in the mornings it's hi & bye so thought putting it in writing will give her time to prepare. I admit something in writing comes over more stern but actually I don't mind that because I've been constantly asking her nicely 'are you o.k.' 'what's going on' 'anything I/we can do' etc.

She's looked after her other half's son sort of like a step-mum when he's over visiting and also after a boy with learning difficulties so thought looking after 2 'normal' (No offence to anybody!) kids should be o.k.

I wasn't aware of previous health issues/bad attendance in previous jobs, well except for when she a few months back made the comment about swapping shifts. As for self-inflicted... possible but don't think so, at least not all of it

I used to be a nanny (and was ill a lot). Eventually the mum sat me down and we had a chat but she had been passing comments via the 3 year old for weeks before that. If I was the nanny I would prefer as honest face to face conversation which may be hard for both of you but will make your problems and hers clear.

I had three months off (unpaid) to recuperate and then whet back and things were much better. Sometimes as greensleeves said someone else needs to make the first move.

why don't you ring the agency / previous employer to get another insight? also, if you did use an agency can you use them as 3rdparty to get to the bottom of things?

otherwise, if you are crap at face to face then just READ off your note!! sounds a bit wierd, but it will sound better spoken and all the things like pausing to check her reaction etc will help you to understand better wht the likely outcome will be.

muminaquandry... didn't use an agency. And her referee's were nice but understanding them was hard work as African and Eastern European. Except for her mal-attendance she's a brilliant nanny. Kids love her and she looks after them really well and even gets veggies into them.

Riddo ... passing comments throught he 3 year old? Would't you rather have preferred a message to that? Just wondering.

I just thought I'd drop her the email in preparation as I already mentioned that we need to have a chat and that way she won't have to be with the kids all day wondering how I will 'ostracise' her when I get back from work, not having the time in the morning...

OK: if she's a brill nanny you need to treat her with the utmost respect as brill nannies are rare as hen's teeth. THe fact is, you may want her continued involvement in the children's lives until they are a lot older than they are now (we have found that to be the case ...)

In which case, don't send her a note, please find the time to talk to her, making all the points you do (as she needs to know the reality of the situation from your pov). Can she come back when the kids have gone to bed? Can you pop round to her house when DH is home? You really need to get to the bottom of why she is off so much. If you are happy with her explanation, put a bit of the responsibility on her to find a replacement whenshe is not well. Our nanny always did a ring round of her nanny friends on the rare occasions she couldn't come due to illness / death in the family. THis will also soon make her realise the inconvenience she is causing you.

Firm but fair HTH

Yes I would have preferred a message but I still think face to face is the best. It's difficult because letters can seem harsh but I can see your point that it would prepare her for the conversation and give her some time to think about how she feels

muminaquandry... she doesn't live all that close so 'popping round' isn't really an option. Don't think she has any other nanny friends tbh. She's friendly with another mum, but doubt she would stand in iykwim. I see your point re great nannies being rare, but I'm sooooo frustrated it's not funny anymore. With all the hassle I'm actually considering to become a SAHM, which is so not me!

As for the explanations... I've had them and besides 2 pre-consisting 'ailments' it's usualy cold weather, dodgy food or virus etc. So even if they do satisfy the need for having a day or 2 off there doesn't seem to be anything to change anything. e.g. she usually wears tops that barely meet her trousers hence exposing lower back as is the fashion. No issues with that, as she could turn up in an old sack but imho one of her conditions (rheumatism) should really prompt her to keep warm? I did mention that to her in a motherly kind of way and that just got dismissed ...

My sister is an ex nanny and empliys my Mum in a childminder capacity. they often do the hi and bye thing, so into the contract Sister has built a clause specifying a time for a monthly review / get together- I think it's something like 6.30 in the evening. the idea is that the carer is expected to attend, but if neither has issues it can be skipped. I think it comes as a result of her experiences as a Nanny herself, could you do something like that perhaps?

might have to do that PC though hoping to address the 'issues' tomorrow. Usually I'm home 30 mins before nanny leaves so will try and find something to keep kids entertained... i.e. paddling pool ... and sit down with her.