A little advice please

[nomfup]

Could anyone suggest some ideas which may help me solve a problem?

I am a nanny who takes my own child to work with me. One of my charges has taken a dislike to my child - not based on any personality issues, more just finding it difficult having a younger child around. Nothing horrendous is happening but my child is being shouted at a lot by this child and there is often a tantrum if my child touches certain toys etc. This inevitably ends up with my child becoming upset.

I have given it some time and there is definitely a little improvement but it still continues to happen. I have tried the route of the charge being the 'big boy' and helping/teaching my child how to do things but this is just met with a flat 'no' (and sometimes screaming). I have tried to do activities which involve all of us working collaboratively but this is also met with much resistance.

Just looking for some ideas to help make the situation a bit happier for everyone.
Thanks in advance.

Sounds like the older child might be jealous of the fact that your child has his Mummy around. Personally, I would make a deal of spending "special" time with the boy...I know you probably do already but maybe spelling it out a bit more to him might help?

Does your child have a nap? You could say "Now it's our time together X because you're a big boy who doesn't need a nap...you can have some special time...we'll do it every day."

Just underline any one to one time you do have to him as something special.

How old is your and their child?

Can some of older boys toys be removed to bedroom and he can play there to get peace from your child - esp if special /fav toys and your child is playing with them - I can understand his upset

Could you bring some of your child's toys so that your charge can also play with them and he can learn - as will your child - to share his toys

Have you been there long? Prob hard for any child to have another child in his house playing with his toys etc that isn't a sibling
But there all the time

Any chance you can leave one day with GPS/other half / put in nursery/cm for a morning etc so can have 1 to 1 with older child

What does mb say? Is she supportive?

Regardless of younger one being your child - if another child is shouting at them they need time out

Actually, depending on the age of your charge i think the "big" boy thing is unfair and counterproductive. It sounds like a similar dynamic to the arrival of a younger sibling and forcing the older one to grow up before they would otherwise is really not great and a bit of a con. I think your charge needs a lot of reassurance...frankly he doesn't see your child's presence as a plus.

Unfortunately nap time coincides with nursery for the boy but yes, maybe I could spell out the 'special time' a bit more. We do obviously have this - my child is only 1, so a bit young for most of the activities I do with the boy (3) and so most of my time is spent with him, but I could definitely highlight this more. That is really good advice Jitney, thank you.

I do take toys from home which my child will mostly happily play with but maybe I could take something which would hold more interest for the older child to highlight the sharing. Thank you Blondes. The parents are very supportive of the situation and of me bringing my child and just feel that he'll get used to it - which hopefully he will, would just rather it was sooner than later.

I hadn't thought of it that way halfway. I currently only have 1 child so haven't had to deal with this dynamic before. Guess I was just trying to suggest a positive role for the boy, but I can see maybe it's one he's not ready for, especially as it's not even his sibling.

I do totally understand why he feels this way and of course am not 'blaming' him. I feel I'm very positive with him and he gets along with me well and seems happy overall. But some good advice, thank you.