I'm so fed up and on the verge of giving notice for the first time :(

[EverySingleWeek]

Around this time, every single week, I get a message from a parent which sends my bp through the roof. It's always a negative text, often complaining about the care the dc's have received.

The dc's bad behaviour is always excused and other factors are blamed.

Last week's text made me very cross because the mindee had told three different lies which could have got three different children into trouble but could have been totally avoided had it been discussed in person rather than via text or if the mother had taken a bit of time to think about what her dc had told her.

I feel like I'm always on the defensive and dread the days they come to me because I know there'll be some issue at the end of their week with me.

I've never given notice before but know plenty who have and for far less.

Very fed up

Unless you need the money, definitely give notice.

I would just tell her that she would obviously prefer her children to be in the care of someone else, and to facilitate this you are giving her 4 weeks (or whatever your contract says) notice. I make sure always to discuss things in person with CM and preschool, it is far too easy for emails and texts to be misconstrued. The only texting I do is "help am stuck in traffic on A40 be there ASAP many apologies". Or similar.

I just don't know how to do it. Do I tell the truth or at least a milder version of it? My softer side knows she is just trying her best to parent her dcs and work but my not-so-soft side wants to tell her to get a grip and open her eyes to her dcs behaviour.

Sorry, Gin...xpost

The thing is, after a very long time spent discussing childcare, I know she wouldn't use anyone else locally...otherwise, I'd have loved to say that

Also, I probably wouldn't be able to pull that off and would end up agreeing to longer hours or something!!

Keep it professional, no home truths; something like 'your child/ren and you seem unhappy with the care I provide so I am giving notice so that you can take the child/ren to another provider' or some such.

Not worth it, it's just not

X post

so what if nowt else local, not your problem

Just tell her it isn't working out, so you need to give notice. You don't need to make excuses.

Oh my goodness, I completely misread your NN, deepthought!!

I really need to toughen up because just imagining the conversation, i'm caving in already. She's very good at getting me to feel sorry for her and agreeing to things that I wouldn't normally if asked outright. Or maybe it's more that I'm not very good at recognising when I need to just say no!

If you think you will cave in, give her notice in writing!

Put yourself first! This parent is obviously stressing you out and you do not need this as a self employed person.

Think long and hard about what you are going to say (keep it simple) and stick to it. If she tries to make you change your mind just say "no, I have decided and I won't change my mind".

The really assertive thing to do would be to say all this in person, rather than via text or email.

I really think I need to do it in person and I will think probably too long and hard about what to say.

From an official point of view, if I gave notice verbally, should I also give it writing?

Yes, I would give it in writing too.

Ok, thanks.

I'm going to try and forget about it for tonight but will come up with a speech on the weekend and get something down on paper.

Thanks for the replies/opinions and thanks for letting me vent

When do they pay you?
Is it in advance/ arrears? If in advance wait until you get paid. And if in arrears be prepared for them to flounce and not pay you. This happened to me. I was paid weekly at the end if the week, and I gave four weeks notice and they never brought them back and even had the cheek to ask for the deposit back! I just left it as I didn't want to deal with then.
They just ignore me now including the kids!

If you think they'll flounce give but another four weeks so you have the pay up to Christmas.

You don't need a reason beyond "This isn't working for me"

And I wouldn't be honest, it won't go down well. Just say you are cutting back your numbers as it's too much for you.

If you don't want to give notice (or want to give her a final chance) tell her you aren't going to accept feedback by text. Tell her she is often not getting the full story and it is unfair to both of you - especially you. If she has a problem she should phone or talk about it face to face when she sees you next.

Fair point Longtail. Perhaps you could give the parent a 'warning' about their approach. If this is the route you decide, I would still do something in writing for your own records.

Not sure I would feel entirely at ease about this family. This behaviour sounds like it could easily escalate into more trouble. If you are busy enough anyway then give notice.

Don't waste your weekend worrying about this family and their actions. Get it sorted today....Just think how much better you will feel,

I would give notice as a child who constantly tells lies is a liability frankly, especially if the parent takes it all in without question. How long before you find yourself, one of your own children or another mindee accused of something really awful and on the receiving end of an investigation? That may sound a bit extreme, but it does happen. I wouldn't give a reason either, as if you say you have taken on too much mum may go around telling all and sundry you are not coping as I doubt she would pause to think her own behaviour or her child's might be the real reason.

Thanks for the replies .

Sorry to drip feed but I was so tired and fed up when I posted last night, I didn't actually explain what yesterday's issue was. 6yr old mindee got very angry towards another mindee. I don't think the other mindee was entirely blameless. However, the reaction was extreme.

Unfortunately, this is the second incident where mindee's temper has got out of control. The first time, it was directed at me after mindee had been dropped off and it was upsetting for everyone here.

'I think I have decided that this is their last chance and will have a conversation with the mum about it.'

I would give tell the Mum that her methods of giving feedback are unacceptable to you and state how and when you wish to discuss her child's behaviour.
I would point out that her child(ten) are behaving very badly and that you will have to issue notice if it doesn't improve due to the impact on the remainder of your mindees.
State when you will have this review - in one week, ten days or whatever you feel is an acceptable period for a 6 yr old to learn to behave given a short sharp warning, and advise that if there has been no significant improvement in attitude, that you will be giving 4 weeks notice.
That gives her 6 weeks to sort out alternative childcare and plenty of time for both of you to address her child's behaviour.

Or you can walk away and not address the issue. I'm a little surprised that a 6 yr old tantruming/telling lies is grounds for this level of angst to be honest. Fairly normal behaviour but clearly any steps you are taking to address it are not being supported by the parents. In which case, you are totally within your rights to ditch them as customers. I just get the impression that you will rest easier if you can feel that you have given them the opportunity to sort their act out.

Oscar - yes, I will suggest that mum speaks to me, face-to-face, in future if she has concerns.

Also, I will point out that the aggressive behaviour is not acceptable and that any further incidents like yesterday will result in notice being given.

Unfortunately, this is way beyond an average tantrum. I have looked after children for many years and I have never experienced this level of anger and aggression. Actually, I'm not even sure if I've ever had to deal with a 6yr old tantruming...don't they usually grow out of this by now?

Re telling lies. It was his sibling and the problem with this was more the way the mum dealt with it. Sorry, if I didn't make that clear. As I said, I was very tired and fed up last night when I posted and possibly not being very clear.

OP, I was in almost exactly same situation a month ago. Mindee was here 5 days before & after school and was making everyone miserable with her constant attention seeking behaviour. Home life is a bit chaotic so I tried so hard to support her, but situation eventually came to a head when she was picking on dd at school and dd broke down to their teacher. I tried to speak to the mum countless times but she was always too busy or so late picking up that I'd no time to talk. In the end I txt her to say as the dc both seemed a bit miserable with the way things were that I thought she should find alternative care but I was happy to help her find someone else & would keep having mindee until they found someone. She pulled her out immediately. I then found out that the mum had been really rude to other parents dropping off & collecting at the same time, but they hadn't said anything as they didn't want to upset me (they also commented on the way she spoke to me).
I've since discovered that mindee said I never fed her & that I just put tv on after school and made her watch it she left baking behind on at least 3 occasions & I keep finding art work she hid in the playroom.
I hated giving notice and lost a lot if sleep over it, but the atmosphere here is so much calmer & happier now. I'm back enjoying what I do & I filled the space with other mindees increasing their hours, so I'm not worse off financially.
Stay strong, do what's best for you & your family cos it's your home and it's not worth having anyone in it on a regular basis making you unhappy.

Everysingleweek, I would firmly decide on what you want as an outcome before talking to the parents. If you are still wanting to give notice, then don't threaten termination of contract due to a behaviour outburst.

You could have another week ending in the lies and texting, resulting in you feeling fed up again. This is what your original post was about.

Do you want to let this family drain your energy and motivation?

How's things now?