CM Club : Not happy

[pecka]

Hi

Im looking for a bit of sympathy and advice.

Ive been childminding since October last year and to be honest it has never really come that easily to me.

I think Im a good childminder, put a lot into it but dont really get that much out of it apart from stress.

I think I need to reset my business to try and be more structured and business like.

At the moment I feel like Im just treading water and getting through it which is obviously not ideal.

Can anyone give me encouragement to get started again and also did anyone else find it stressful in the beginning?

i'm a support childminder so i will try to give you support, it is hard at first i've changed my poilcys a few times now as the wording was not right etc
some parents (not all) are harder work than the children and tell you to do things or swing things round in their favour BUT you have to stang firm this is your bussiness if your poicys are correct and in place you should stand firm by them
we childminders are so soft

Oh mate, we'll have a chat on msn later! You know I found it a nightmare at first, actually, for quite a while. It's only since Easter things really started to feel better. I now enjoy it a lot more and my only problem with the mindee side of things is the baby who comes from 6.45am - 6.30pm. I struggle with the tiredness but apart from that, it's much better. I had a nightmare with both babies when they started but now things are so much better and I'm glad I stook with them. The thing that stresses me the most is my own ds. Some days are much worse than others and I'm sure it's when I'm stressed that he gets worse - winding me up all the time!!!

Anyway, give us a shout later if you're around. Got to go to group now.

xxxx

hi pecka, I feel the exact same about childminding.

TBH most of the c/m's I know are only in it for the money, they herd the kids together and then practically ignore them or bark at them. I can't treat kids like that, I feel I take it too seriously and just end up stressed.

sorry this isn't more positive, some of the c/m's on here sound fab and I'd use them if I could. It's just most of the one's I know aren't anywhere near the standard of the one's on here.

what do you feel you need help with?

ssd, thats the thing. I take it very seriously. I am entrusted with the most precious things in the world and I always feel Im not doing well enough because Im not really enjoying it.

Looneytune - yes! its my DS that stresses me the most.

I cant even put my finger on what is the problem, I just feel that since I started my life is one long chaotic cycle. I dont feel I have enough of a handle of things.

Treading water is all I can think of how to describe it.

think you need a hol to reflec
sounds like your doing a good job to me at least your hearts in the right place and you care for the children, childminding has great responsbilty and you must trust and beleive in yoursrlf that you are doing a great job, once you do this the job is so rewarding

How much planning do you all day?

Im sure this is where I let it all slip

that depends on childs age
how many/ages r the children you care for?

I have a 10 month old, 12 month old, 2 year old, 2.5 year old and a 3 year old. As well as my almost 3 year old DS spread across the week.

Pecka, I know how it is when you are a perfectionist and have a perfect ideal of how you want your day to go ? and then how demoralising and stressful it is when it all goes wrong. In my case usually because of my ds?s charming input. (I am so looking forward to him going to nursery full-time in September in preparation for school in January!)
I think planning is very important ? but simple informal planning the day/night before can be as effective as trying to stick to long/medium/short term plans.
Plan to children?s time scales eg allow more time for getting ready/eating/washing hands and don?t try to fit too much into each day/session.
Do you have a simple structure to your days. I fit mine around snack and mealtimes with defined play sessions eg messy play, outdoor play, storytime, dancetime (music and movement), quiet time (video/tv late afternoon where we pull the curtains and chill). I use a picture board with pictures for each session as above so the children can see where we are in the day and what is coming next.
If the children in your care are genuinely excited about coming to you and they are comfortable to come to you for hugs and stories with smiley chatter and plenty of play opportunities for most of the day then you are doing a great job.
Childminding IS stressful. I don?t think you can eliminate a certain amount of stress. And the day doesn?t finish does it when the children leave.
We may not have a commute to contend with, but seemingly endless clearing up, paperwork, planning and restocking is part of the job.
You can have a really good day and then one stupid little thing can make you feel like a failure when really you should shrug and smile and look at the big picture.
A place where pre-schoolers play and learn is like a building site ? forget soft focus, picture perfect catalogue images and grab your hard hat!

Im finding this all very emotive. Thanks for your post goose - lovely!

I had all of these plans when I first started and now, no I do no planning. They arrive and I get through it. End of!

Of course we do lots of lovely things but this is what I mean by them having a great time but it being very hard on me.

I cant stand the mess, cant seem to manage to tidy as we go, Im about 6 months behind in paperwork, Im like a whirlwind really!

the best part in being a childminder is the unplanned play for example when the children find a spider the day can change completly
i try to plan ish but i'm always fexable and dont let it worry me if my plans dont go ahead as i will plan to do it another day
just try not to stress and go with the flow your doing a good job remember and if the children are happy you should be too

poor you just read your last post
i tend to do arty things in morning then when babys asleep i tidy up
make the older ones tidy with you
i then get small wonders toys out or we go out
i know when hubby gets home (he hates mess) he has been trained to go upstairs out of the way till 6pm and by then its sort of tidy
thank god for dishwasher etc
i then tidy while hubby makes tea (i cant cook and dont give a f* as my hubby always playfully tells me)
were all in same boat as for paper work i'm doing 2 college courses at mo so when i have 5 mins i do that so no paper work been done since april (oh no)

The children are happy and the mothers very thrilled with the care they receive (one almost too much, it adds extra stress to hear every week that she would pack in work if I couldnt have baby and that she couldnt cope without me and I teach her to be a better mum etc etc)

One of the children is a little bit of trouble sometimes and if told no screams to go home, I hate this as it plays on the insecurity of me not being good enough.

dont worry bout it kids push you its there job and if they find a hole they get right in there
be strong, be firm, hold your head high
kids love routine and rules/boundries, child will soon learn when told no a few more times

I think step one is to get a loose plan for the week into place.

I might roughly plan from now until september so I feel I have a bit more control over everything

thats good
but i would prob only plan 2 weeks in advance
but saying that i have planned till sept cause of summer hols need to know what i'm doing with them
good luck happy planning

changed my name for obvious reasons :-)

I have come to the conclusion that I am not cut out for childminding. I hate it.

I hate the mess, the imposition on my time and my family life, the constant noise etc.

Truthfully, honestly I can not wait to give it up. It is a stop gap for me until I can do something else.

I have not met any childminders who I can have a conversation with. To be quite honest, I am bored stiff.

i dont really plan at all tbh but im happy with it, i have a rough plan because jess is only 9mths old so i tend to keep to the routine for her meals and naps and then obv i stick to school run and everyone else fits in ok.

im only just plannning the summer holidays.

I finished childminding earlier this year after 4 years.Parents constantly paying me late and collecting kids late.
Had parents wanting me to give their kids home cooked meals with freash veg but when kids wouldnt eat it parents just took them to shop for sweets on way home!Was waisting loads of food every week.
Had a parent that never gave her 3yrold breakfast he used to arrive between 8-11am and she expected me to feed him!
The last 3 months were BAD and so i finished!

yes often the kids are fine but the parents drive you nuts!

don't think some parents take us seriously - why I don't know. we aren't a stop gap between cot and school, we are professionals.

sorry to hear that, sorry you had to give up
i too used to have a child arriving anytime from 7-11 (no phone call when to expect him) he too had no breakfast or nappy change (sometimes he was still in pj's) got really cross as it messed up my routine and play groups. told mum changed for a few weeks then went back to how it was anyway she lost her job so he had to leave

I think that we all probably have days when we don't enjoy what we're doing - it's just that we can't moan about it in the way that you could if it was any other job! Parents arriving to collect their children don't want to hear that you've had a tedious day, that the children have caused meltdown, and that you're fed-up with the lot of them!!

I think that I find my days more stressful when I don't know what I'm going to be doing - more likely in the school holidays when many of the groups we attend close. Even if I don't write anything down, I try to have a rough idea of what we'll do, even if it's a morning walk to the park and a bit of drawing in the afternoon.

Plans do not have to be at university degree level, they can be very very basic, even something that you have thought of the day before.

I also know that talking to other minders is a lifeline - I see lots of them during my working week. If one of us is feeling a bit down, it's a "safe environment" to say so. Do you actually see other RL childminders yourself? (Actually, MN ones are probably OK too, but I am very aware that parents read these posts too!! )

Boredstiff - I think you should give up pretty soon!!! I cannot imagine doing this job if I hated it so much!

Thankyou for the input everyone. Feeling not too bad today (my most difficult mindee is having a week off tho)

I have decided to get a white board for the kitchen and have some sort of plan and theme goign on on that.

Also, bizarrely, the only "real" childminder I know rang me yesterday after not speaking to her for a few months and we had a long chat about how hard we are finding it and she is exactly the same - really struggling on some days. Anyway, she has been proactive about it instead of moaning (like me) has got a network of support sorted where she has somewhere to go every day to keep her sane and has developed a sort of mini-network.

I am meeting up with them all tomorrow at the park and looks like it will be a weekly thing, we will do all sorts of crafty stuff, festivals etc so Im hoping this will help a huge deal!

i couldnt cope without my network of minders i meet them on a monday, thursday and friday. i did try a new one today but i felt sick while i was there and when i left i just wanted to cry it was horrible.