Nanny ignoring dd crying at bedtime

[halfwayupthehill]

Just found out from ds6 that the nanny has been shutting the bedroom door on him and letting him cry at bedtime (he is scared of the dark). Dd shares room with hard to settle younger bro and nanny asked what she shd do to stop him bothering dd and i said stay in the room (i do gradual withdrawal). But it seems she is just shutting them in which upsets them both. And not telling me. Thoughts?

Can they not had a nightlight and leave door open and hall light on?

Tbh at 6yrs he shouldn't need withdrawal methods - but a story cuddle and kids and goodnight and leave the room

Maybe you should stop doing the withdrawal method - that may help nanny

Sayin that the nanny shouldn't leave ds an dd in a dark room with door shut if unhappy

Kiss not kids

I'd be having a word about the door shut-that's harsh on a scared of the dark 6 year old.
However, I agree he's a bit old for sitting in the room and it won't suit dd either, would he feel better if she was out on the landing reading her book or whatever until he went to sleep...he really does need to get used to there not being an adult in the actual room when he goes to sleep.

Have you discussed bedtimes and how to do or are you assuming she's psychic to know what you want?

Are you sure dcs telling truth or maybe manipulation? She's new nanny right ?

I'd ask the nanny about it.

I think a 6 year olds version of events are not always 100% accurate.

Leaving a 6 year old to cry is hardly the same as leaving a baby to cry though. If he's scared of the dark he needs a light, but gradual withdrawal is OTT imo.

I disagree with the others, I don't think gradual withdrawal is OTT at all and the nanny should certainly not be shutting him in a dark room if he is scared of the dark as that will only serve to reinforce his fear. I would sit down and agree a plan with her that will work for you, ds & dd. Sometimes children need to go back to basics and work through their fears as they would if babies and in those situations 'baby methods' can be very effective. My ds is 13, has high functioning autism and suffers from anxiety attacks. He is incredibly articulate and very intelligent but has an OCD tendency with his fears even though he knows they are unreasonable. At their peak I couldn't leave his room without him panicking so we used gradual withdrawal and it worked a dream

I think you both need to discuss bedtime routine and work together. Certainly ask the nanny what she does at bedtime and go from there.

Story in bed. Door open, landing light on. A six year old should not need an adult sitting on the bed. But I would be in ear shot to go back and reassure. For your sons development you need to be kind but firm. How old is child he shares a room with?

He shouldn't need someone in the room but it is not the nannies decision to make that change, presumably you told your nanny about their bedtime routine? If yes then it sounds like there is an issue with her directly going against what you've requested, if no then how would she have known that is what's expected and sounds as though she's doing what would be considered a normal routine for that age group. Sounds as if you need to talk to your nanny and come up with a plan together that will work.

How long have you been doing the withdrawal method? If it's been going on for more than a year then it sounds like it's not really working.