Au pair - should we/shouldn't we?

[allyfe]

I have spent a number of hours reading posts on au pairs. I have found it all a little worrying! When I was a child we had au pairs - they did the cooking and cleaning mainly, and were in the house for us but didn't have really look after us. When I au paired I did the cleaning and childcare for a 4 month old baby on one occasion, and for 16 month old twins on another (with no cleaning, just childcare). So, my thoughts were I could get our potential au pair to do after school care 4 days a week - children will be 3 and 5 - (including cooking a basic dinner), some cleaning (I had initially thought all, but am now thinking vacuming, tidying, basic daily tidying in kitchen and NOT the toilets and bathrooms and a good weekly scrub of the kitchen). We are in south London in Zone 4, so on trains and not the tube. We would be talking 30 hours a week, and I was thinking £85 with a monthly phone credit of £10, for contacting us.

So, my questions are:

1. is getting an au-pair a totally crazy idea? I really would like someone who would stay for 10 months at least because I think it would be hard on the children otherwise. Does anyone have any magical tips for making it work out well??
2. Does that sound reasonable? (please be honest, I really want to make sure I am not being unfair)

The au pair would have their own room, but they would share a bathroom with our other house-guest who would be a Chinese student here doing a-levels.

Sounds like a lot of work and responsibility for a young woman. Your younger one would need close supervision.

After school care 4 days a week and some cleaning - a lot of work and responsibility for a young woman...?!? Seriously...?!

What you're suggesting sounds just fine. Especially for someone who's actually signed up to do this sort of thing.

Be upfront about expectations, have regular catch ups. Appreciate her, thank her, and show her you're happy with her (if you are), and everyone's happy. Especially your children, who are the most important part of the equation. :)

We live near you (train, S London Z3). By way of comparison:

My au pair has the children for before and after school/nursery x 3 days a week and my youngest all day one day (so she works 4 days a week, with every Sat, Sun Mon off). We have three kids though - nearly 3, 5 and 7. Probably works out the same amount of hours a week.

She doesn't do housework other than washing and general tidying, and I make all meals, so she normally just heats up kids dinner. I want her to be doing things with the children when they are home and conserving her energy during the day!

She has her own double room and her own bathroom (other than in a morning when we nip in there for a shower - the other one only has a bath).

I pay £120 a week, plus gym membership (£40) and phone contract (£20). Although I think this may be on the high side, I wanted somebody older who could drive and manage three kids so I decided to pay more.

I think your deal is fine - the main thing is to be absolutely clear from the off about your expectations, communicate them, and then keep monitoring whats going on and giving feedback.

I wouldn't say our relationship has been without hiccups, especially in the first few weeks whilst we all settled in, but now its great.

Thank you both. That is really helpful. I don't want to pay at the bottom end of the scale because I want to attract someone good. At the same time, having done it as a young woman myself, as long as they are the right person, I don't think that being on the younger side should be a problem (hopefully not famous last words). Miss600, as far as I can see, what I'm suggesting is essentially totally standard for an au pair. It is about 25 hours a week of childcare and help around the house (with time left over for baby sitting if needed). If someone wants to be an au pair, that is basically what they are going to be doing.

Bluetit, your comments are really helpful. It is good to remember that feeling positive is going to work well for everyone.

threeisatragicnumber - your au pair sounds like they have a great deal. But it is really helpful for me to know what could be available. I don't want to ask too much for what we are offering.

Anyone else got any more thoughts/comments? As many opinions/comments as possible would be massively helpful.

We are SE London, zone 3. £85 per week plus £15 a month phone contract type thing through Lebara (most au pairs will want data so £10 credit was going in about 2 days). She has a single bedroom and we share a bathroom although there is another shower and other toilets they are on another floor. We have one DC and she is 5. She works 5 days a week from 7-8:30 when she has dropped DC at school and then picks her up 3:15 and I get home around 6-6:30 and Dh might get home a bit later if I am not first home. She feeds DC a light evening meal as she has full school dinners and does light tidying (Dc's room, dishwasher and her own room) and we have a cleaner once a week who cleans properly.

The positives are immense. No more flying out the door at 4:59 to be at nursery for 6! The babysitting which she sometimes does. The extra person in the house is quite nice and of course DC not having to be at school from 8-6 five days a week!

The negatives are that our current au pair is a bit messy (towels not hung up, dishes left lying around etc) and does need to be reminded to do things. Previous au pair was a bit grumpy but we never had to remind her of anything so I think it is a lot down to personality. Our preference was to have a young au pair. The current one is very good with DC. Playing, discipline etc. previous one struggled with the concept that 5 year olds are quite defiant!