How important is nanny continuity

[toastandmarmaladewithacupoftea]

I'm going back to work part-time (3 days a week) in January, when my daughter will be 1 year old. We're currently trying to hire a nanny, shared with some friends whose son is almost the same age.

We found one person who seems a good match, but her circumstances have changed and she's now only available until next September. We'd rather have someone who was available longer term (a couple of years, ideally), but it's been a difficult search because for family reasons we're looking for someone with French mother-tongue, and I'm starting to despair of finding the right person in time. (We're in SW London, if anyone knows someone suitable!)

So, the title says it all really - how much of a disruption would it be for the children to change to a new nanny after 9 months? They will be about 20 months at the time.

My friend's son is a cheerful little chap, who is usually pretty comfortable with strangers: she has a big family, and so he's always been handled by lots of different people.

But my daughter gets overwhelmed easily, and seems to have a really strong need to be with people she knows well. She's quite confident at baby groups etc so long as it's on her own terms and she can see me (she loves to scoot off and explore the room). But unlike most of my friends babies, she'll flip out if I hand her to a friend to go to the loo. So I do worry about how she will react to having a new care-giver, which is why we've chosen to use a nanny rather than a nursery or even a childminder: I'm hoping that forming a bond with one person, and being in her own home environment, will make it easier for her. So would making that bond, and then having to make another one again 9 months later be really difficult for her? On the flip side, she does seem to start getting used to people after a few days. When grandparents have been staying, by 2-3 days into their stay she's usually comfortable being left in their care for a few hours.

Oh dear, it's so hard to weigh up what will be for the best.

I feel that children adapt much easier than you would imagine. There will always be some children who don't adapt well, so it can depend on the individual child. No one can say that they will definitely be in a job in a years time, or longer. Life is not like that, things happen. So whilst it would be great to have a nanny stay for many years, it is also very important in my view to have a good match of nanny and parents. So if this nanny is ideal for you now, then go with that.

You may find that nanny sharing does not work out as well as you may be thinking it will, so having a natural break in the summer may be good. Having a nanny for that period of time will get you used to what things a nanny does and also perhaps what they won't do. So when it comes to finding a replacement nanny you will have the experience to be able to ask applicants more questions about the things that you have found tricky with employing your first nanny.

A nanny who cannot commit to at least a year is not ideal. Then you will have to go through the whole search again next summer, and at that point you will be back at work and have less time to be interviewing nanny candidates. If she only can commit to 8 months of work, she might not be motivated either to do a good job and to build a good bond with your daughter, as she might just view this as a temp job before she moves on to whatever else she is planning to do. Your daughter will probably be fine, but you need to think how it affects you and the rest of your family as well.

Also, you need to be sure that the nanny fits your other criteria too - not just because of language skills. Is she all that you are looking for otherwise? Don't feel pressure to hire her because you're afraid you won't find anyone else in time. There are plenty of good nannies out there, also French-speaking ones. The hiring mistakes that I have made were always when I felt pressure that I wouldn't find anyone else so I "settled" for the person who was available right now.