mum smacking 10yr old before dropping her off

[dmo]

i run a breakfast club with lots of different children anyway yesterday the 10yr old girl i have each morning arrived and went straight to eat breakfast, mum said goodbyes but no words were exchanged between mother and daughter.
when mother had left little girl started to cry i comforted her and she showed me her leg which was very red and had handprint on. i said her mum was prob feeling sad at mo for doing it and assured her mother still loves her etc.
the smack was for putting a mag in her reading wallet at an angle instead of straight.

That doesn't sound like a reason for smaking I admit, but hold judgement for just a few minutes.

Who knows what was going on before the mag was put in the book bag at an angle? I know what our house is like for the 10 minutes before the children leave for school (I don't mean I am smacking them, just how fraught it usually is) Also, a 10 year old girl is still young enough to misunderstand why she is being smacked or, if you like, old enough to manipulate outsiders with a skewed view of what happened.

Smacking may not be approved of by many people, but it is not yet illegal. Does the mother and daughter usually seem to have a good relationship? It is very hot at the moment and I bet more tempers are frayed right now than are usually.

ture it is hot at mo
mother and daughter are normally ok mother is very controlling daugher swims 5 nights a week 8pm - 9pm and does drama, horse riding, brownies etc
daugher not allowed to friends partys etc because of tight scedule
i have two boys 8 and 10 and they do try you but i try to keep my cool and certanly wouldnt smack them or leave them upset before i went to work

agree with DDG - not a nice sitution but we're all different and we all have different priorities and ideas of parenting. Not a lot you can do imo.

It is illegal to smack a child so hard it leaves a mark so she is sailing close to the wind.

agree completly with DDG

it is illegal to smack and leave a mark that remains after a period of around 10 minutes....ie a bruise or scratch etc.

a red mark from the impact of a smack is not illegal.

did she smack her at home or at your house?

if nothing else, i would log it on your childs/personal files, these days you have to be careful about things like this, you dont want the blame..i would also(very tactfully) explain to parent her dd was very upset and showed you the mark..try not to sound as if your casting opinion, jsut inform her you had to deal with her very upset dd because of it.
good luck

at my dd2's nursery we have policies on physical and verbal abuse - they're not tolerated on-site and give a copy of this (and all our policies/procedures) to parents when they join. I think it needs to be made clear to parents that you will not use physical punishment and it's very difficult to maintain this if parents are practising something completely different at home

it happened in the car on the way to mine
will write it down in my little book and date it
its never happened before so i will put it down to a sressful morning

did you mention it to the mum?

ed a) that some people think it's OK to leave a visible mark on a child - discussing how long it's acceptable for the mark of a blow to be visible on a child's leg is bloody WEIRD I'm afraid, and

b) even given that smacking is still legal, surely a ten year old is too old? It doesn't sound good to me I'm afraid. I'd be worried about her

not men to mum
girl seems much happier this week
dad was off today and normally if dads off he takes her to school as she has a lye in but she insisted on coming to mine
not sure how to take that gald she likes it at mine

I'm with you totally greensleeves.

DMO, I think you're right to log it, purely for your own clarity of mind so that you are clear if ever challenged, when this girl is delivered with a mark on her. (I know you say it's not happened before but I guess it's a good procedure to have in place for if it happens again or with others attending your place).

Other than that, sadly I guess there is little else you can do....but being the unable-to-let-it-lie person I am I think if EVER this happened again, I would be pulling the mum aside and challenging her on it (in the nicest possible way, eg I've noticed this happening lately, are you ok, it seems so unlike you, is there anything I can do to help?). That way you are doing your best for the girl but not 'judging' the mother, rather you are offering her some help......

good advice will take it on board thanks