CM CLUB - Need advice on dealing with a liar

[looneytune]

Got a problem and need advice. Had mindee for a year (today in fact!) now and she's started lying a lot more recently. Not sure if it's an age thing (3.4)?

She's a really good girl most of the time, bit sneeky and tries to get ds into trouble lots but nothing major however this lying is starting to bother me. How do I deal with it?

Here are the latest examples:

Last night, didn't like new dinner so instead of saying she didn't like it, she said 'I think I've got a cold coming through'. This is her answer to getting out of anything she doesn't like and I've asked her to be honest with me and just say she doesn't like it something rather than making up stories.

When we got back from school I asked both ds and mindee if they had been to the toilet at school, both said no. I then asked them to go to the toilet before I served lunch (because mindee always ends up needing the loo as soon as she's sat down to lunch so much easier to just go before). Mindee said 'I don't need the toilet' and I asked if she could go anyway to see if any comes out (it always does, they just like to hold on until they're about to burst) and then she said 'I did go at school'. I could tell she was just saying that to get out of going so I asked her again to tell me the truth, I said I didn't mind if she hadn't gone but I wanted the truth. She kept insisting she did go (I must have checked about 5-8 times) and then I said I was going to call the teachers and check and if she was lying, I wouldn't let her play out this afternoon. She said she didn't go at school and that she needed to go now.

Those are just a couple of examples along with pretending ds has done something to her.

What do I do??? I've tried time out in the past but on a course last week (Conflict Resolution) we were told not to ever use punishments of any sort.

What would you do? Should I just ignore it? (I'd find it hard to as I really don't like people lying!)

Thanks

Message withdrawn

I suppose so. I will try my best to ignore it, I think it's just one of my pet hates - think it's something to do with the way I was brought up

I know they are not life or death it's just it happens so much and she has a look about her that definitely knows what she's doing. She's not forgotten about the toilet, she's just trying to get out of going.

So, with the toilet thing (not the lying part) what would you do? I really don't want constant up and down the stairs going on when I'm trying to feed baby and want them sat down for lunch. I personally want them to go after school or at some point before lunch so that we can all sit down without needing the loo ifswim. Should I just let them keep going during lunch or do you think it's ok to make it a rule that they go at some point after school and before lunch. It really isn't a big deal compared to some things, I know, HOWEVER it can be a pain if they want wiping and I've started feeding baby as she's on finger food now so I'd have to clear that away before I can go upstairs.

And what about making out ds has been hitting etc? Before I knew she was lying, I used to tell ds off for behaving like that however now I realise she's been making stuff up.

As I said, I know none of this is life and death stuff but I'd appreciate advice on the best way to deal with it.

Thanks

I can see your point looney, it is disruptive to have them yo-yoing up and down all through lunch/dinner. Also, if she feels it is acceptable to tell lies about trivial things like going to the loo she may well be encouraged to try a bigger lie.

I would try drawing up a list of house rules and include EVERYONE MUST ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH and EVERYONE MUST TRY TO GO TO THE LOO AND WASH HANDS BEFORE WE EAT.

You could include anything else that has been bugging you for ages too!

You could try including the children in the rule making, they may come up with a few of their own and they may have some rules for you too!

my mindees are the worst!
for example if they go out to play after school in the garden they have their snacks out there but when i go into the garden and rubbish is on the floor none of them did it everybody put their rubbish in the bin.
and if a toy gets broken its always the child thats just gone home thats broken it
amashing i must be minding an invisable child

Have a read of this .

At this age lying isn't really a problem; they don't do it to manipulate as an older child might, they do it because they may have forgotten what they've done, or they so want something to be true that they actually believe it is true. And at this age the lies are usually either insignigicant or so over the top that you know it's not true.

i've had this today too. mindee has said that dd1 hit him and that he needed the toilet when he didnt (just to get me out the loo so i could play with him - id only been gone a minute)