Is nanny continuity overrated?? Your experiences please!

[Tabithatwitchit26]

How important do you think it is to keep the same nanny/childcarer?

I have read that continuity is one of the most important things for kids but I know many families that have had several nannies and seem to have come out just fine.

Does anyone have any good/bad experiences/reports/regrets on this issue?

Do you think children adapt well to new people and it's easy to worry about this issue too much?

I'm interested as my current dilemma is whether to bend over backwards (financially and practically) to keep our fantastic nanny or let her walk away and hope it'll work out with someone new...eek. We've had nanny 9 months (following one previous nanny). DCs are 2 and 4 yrs.

Thank you!

All of our nannies lasted around a year - some a little more - and no damage so far as I can tell. But we never had 100% time live in nannies or anything like that. With each changeover we were super anxious - both about whether the kids would like them, and whether they would be any good at what we wanted them to be good at - and in each case it turned out just fine. Certainly DCs did not complain - they were totally flexible about it.

I know one family who kept the same nanny for 12 years and that was brilliant too - so maybe it just depends more on the people and less on the fact of whether its one person or many.

In my experience, the kind of continuity you're talking about - the sort you have to bend over backwards to keep - is only a critical issue if the children don't have especially close or loving relationships with their parent(s).

If you see your kids in the evenings and on the weekends, and make it a point to spend time with them, the change of FT caregiver will certainly be an adjustment for them, but it won't lead to the sort of emotional struggles you'd see from kids who have a team of 2-3 nannies caring for them 24/7.

So, continuity is valuable and change is always tough, but kids are very adaptable and it isn't something any parent should beat themselves up over. Do consider when the best time to make a change in nanny is, though, and avoid switching during any otherwise stressful times (new sibling, recent death in the family, new school, moving house, parental illness, etc).

i think its nice to have the same nanny for a few years, but isnt always possible

my last 3 perm jobs i was with my families for over 5years and only left as got made redundant by all 3 as youngest either at school or family moved abroad

I would say yes and no.

I don't agree with the stance some people take of fixed term contracts so the children don't get too attached and changing systematically.

That said if you consider the continuity you'd get in a nursery there might be significant staff turnover, children move up from baby to toddler to preschool rooms and have different carers and multiple ones at that, well IMO 2 nannies in 2 years doesn't look that bad.

A nanny changing is obviously not ging to be easy but children do adapt and since they spend a fairly significant time with this person they bond quite fast. As long as the transition is handled sensitively than, barring exceptional circs, I'd not be inclined to bend over backwards.

In our experience we had a nanny when DS was 4 months who had to leave after 2 for personal reasons. Then we moved when he was 15m so we lost our next lovely nanny. We then had a distant cousin of DH's as a sort of au pair while we were moving that summer although we were around FT, just dealing with house hunting and unpacking and seeing family, and an au pair last academic year (18m to 2.4y) for wraparound nursery. He doesn't seem to have any attachment issues so far and is pretty confident about being left. There's nothing I could reasonably have done short of giving up work to prevent these changes so there isn't much point regretting it.

Depends on your kids' personalities and family circumstances, but in my experience as a multiple nanny employer, bending over backwards to keep a nanny just for the sake of continuity generally makes the parents bitter and unhappy, and that has a very negative impact on the children. At least for me, far better to change to someone that parents are happy about, at the cost of continuity.

What does bending over backwards mean here? If she had only been with you 9 months did she trying to change the deal she was hired in on?

Consistency and stability are important for children. A great long-term nanny is by far the best form of childcare imo, I wouldn't say it was overrated.

That said, it's not so crucial that you should cripple yourself financially or make your life more difficult in order to keep the same nanny (except in extreme circumstances e.g. death of a parent/sibling, big move, if the has child SN that make bonding difficult etc.)

I would compare it to moving schools. It's not ideal to be changing schools every year, but if it's unavoidable then kids learn to cope (how they feel about it as adults may be a different matter though). Almost all kids will deal well with one change of school.

What do you mean by bending over backwards? (I mean, I know what you mean... but in what way?)

you can give continuity in approach and style with different nannies in terms of how eg discipline / reward / activities are handled. Children are incredibly fickle /resilient and provided you find someone good as a replacement, it doesn't seem to make a great difference - our nanny of 2 yrs left recently and there were a few tears the afternoon she went but otherwise, completely unbothered despite the fact they'd got on marvellously well. They adore the new nanny and we've found it incredibly beneficial- while a nanny straight out of nursery was ideal for them at a young age, now they're older and need help with homework etc, their needs are different & we've found a nanny with a different skill set / experience and it's working incredibly well. Don't be afraid to change, but be prepared for the search to be a little depressing - you will meet people that you wouldn't put in charge of your cat but with some time, you will find someone who suits your whole family.

I wouldn't want to change childcare every 3 months, but if you are providing continuity and stability then I wouldn't worry too much. DS went to one nursery for a year, then to a childminder for a year, then to another nursery for 8 months and has just moved to a nursery school with no apparent ill effects (although this was all part time).

I am also wondering what you mean by 'bending over backwards'. The nanny has only been with you for about nine months so if it means she's demanding a significant pay rise or change of terms after such a short time it would ring alarm bells.

I had to fire our first nanny after about 11 months as she became too unreliable. I agonised over the effect it would have on DS and hence put up with a lot before I fired her. It did him no harm. Of course there was a transition period which had an impact on me and him as I needed to do the induction for a new nanny and help DS settle in with her. But after that it was fine and I had no regrets about having made the change.

I think continuity is best but not essential at all. If a nanny or other childcare arrangement is making your life too difficult don't worry too much about having to make a change.

you say she is fantastic so assuming no probs with her, apart from maybe salary/finance

a nany is meant to make sure life easier and your families so if she does and you can afford her then keep her

I think continuity is overrated, personally. Great, if you can have it. But, there are some positives in a change over. Not the least of which is that learning to adapt to change is a valuable life skill and so entirely a bad thing for children. I think children need some stability in some key places, but not necessarily everywhere. So, if the parents have a stable relationship and the child lives in a happy healthy home, and school is providing stability through their friends, teachers, etc. then a change is carer is not a huge problem.

We have had a fair few nannies/au pairs over the last ten years. When DD (our oldest) was 2 and the nanny left I was very worried about theimpact. But, in fact she showed me how resilient children are. She adapted fine. We all carried on. Not a problem.

excuse my typo, please.

... learning to adapt to change is a valuable life skill and so not entirely a bad thing...

Thank you so much everyone, you have made me feel so much more comfortable about the situation, especially hearing your personal experiences and that all your children are totally fine despite changes in childcare!

The issue was pay - nanny was offered a higher paid job (a share, which I would struggle to compete with) so the bending over backwards was the the additional cash and also the fact that i'd have to cut my upcoming mat leave short to keep her on during that period (which ruined my dream of having 9 months off). Having read your posts, I feel much more comfortable about making the change - again - although this change comes following our previous terrible experience with an awful nanny who lasted 10 months so it's all the more disheartening.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's all worth it to work but your comments have given me a lift . thanks again everyone!