Nursery Age - Your opinions please

[NickaDad]

Hello all,

I'll be quick.

At what age do you think my toddler should start nursery, if at all?

She is a sociable little sweetheart and is almost 2. She has been with a nanny for more than 6 months. The nanny lives in. The babe is bonded with the nanny. The nanny is unfortunately void of intelligence, "get-up-and-go" and imagination.

Please, your thoughts, however brief.

Many many thanks, Nick

There is no right or wrong to this question.
The nurseries are there to provide a service to the parents who use them.
if a parent neds their child to attend fulltime from a few weeks old then that is fine.
if a parent needs a few sessions a week from age 3 then that is fine too.
As is any combination between the two.
You do what fits in with your family circumstances and ignore evreybody else who thinks they know best how your family dynamics work.

So this would be a full time nursery? 9-5? I'd say a bonded but dense nanny is best in that situation.

When I was a SAHM my youngest started the local pre-school for 2 short mornings (9-12) when he was a little over 2.5. The term after he turned 3 he got government funding so I increased this to 3 mornings & the term before he started school he did 2 full days (9-3pm) & 1 morning. He's a summer baby so started school at just turned 4 and IMO 18mths was plenty long enough at pre-school and seemed to work really well. There were some children who started at 2 & didn't go to school until nearly 5 & after 3 years they'd definitely outgrown it!

Obviously if you need nursery earlier/longer for childcare purposes then no doubt they will be fine in the right environment but in an ideal world I would hold off at least another 6/9 months & then just do short sessions until nearer school age.

Why was saying such bitchy things about your nanny necessary when you posted, in your eyes?

I think a nursery sounds significantly better than tje way you are describing your current nanny.

I agree with Victoria. There is no way I'm he'll I'd send my child to a nursery before they are old enough to tell me what goes on there as I've worked in many on a voluntary basis. Not for children under 2.5/3.

Confused - can you say more?

I'm not exactly sure what you want me to say?! I don't think nurseries are the best place for infants and young toddlers for more than a couple of hours a week unless there is no other choice.

Cindy has summed up my feelings on it pretty well.

Sorry, was typing with baby on knee so wasn't clear.

I was wondering what kind of things you saw that mean you wouldn't use a nursery for a pre-verbal child. I ask because my just-turned three year old has recently started, but isn't great at articulating himself. Sorry for being so vague before :).

Mornings only from age 3 is my preference, but I am home with my kids so don't need it for child care. Before age 3 "casual" socialising with a trusted caregiver taking the child to playgroups/ toddler music/ playgrounds/ to play with friends, lots of walks and puddle splashing and stopping to look at stuff and just playing, and activities at home - a mix of craft actually "for" the toddler, and just involving the toddler in every day life (giving the toddler dough to play with while you bake, something to mix while you cook, or pans to bash, getting them to find the shopping items on the bottom shelf if you can do the grocery shopping at a quiet time in a smaller shop), meets a child's need if done thoughtfully.

If your nanny is unimaginative and a bit passive, but loves and is loved by your child and is intelligent enough to keep her safe, then give the nanny a timetable for her day and expect her to stick to it, and include toddlers groups and things as well as home activities, and some mornings at preschool once she is old enough, or at the small nursery if money allows.

The problems with bad nurseries are obvious, but IME children who go full time to really good nurseries often seem to expect the same packed schedule of adult led activity 8am - 6pm on their days off too, rather than being able to hope with the ebb and flow of "normal" family and wider life that doesn't focus solely around a group of same aged toddlers!

Ah I get you now. Mainly so that if there is something wrong, they can tell you exactly what it is and the workers in nurseries. My (nearly 3yo) charge recently started nursery and she was acting out, getting very upset over little things and we had no clue what was going on, whether it was nursery or if it just coincided with it. Turned out not to be nursery-related, but we had assumed that it was because the behaviour coincided with her starting nursery. Obviously probably a little of it was the change but she was also very worried about something else entirely. It also meant that her Mum could talk to the nursery and the nursery can reassure her properly instead of doing what we were doing and trying to guess what was wrong. Had she started nursery 6 months earlier I don't think that she would have had the verbal knowledge to tell us what was wrong and I think that it would have really affected her development.

Thanks - I'm still quite ambivalent about the sessions DS is doing (two afternoons a week) because he's upset going in, although fine coming out...

I think his upset is around me leaving and not anything the nursery is doing (it's a CC and is absolutely fantastic, very caring and friendly), but just wanted to hear about your experiences!

A good nanny beats a good nursery, a good nursery beats a bad nanny IMO. So the question is how bad is your nanny and can you make her any good?

Imagination isn't necessarily a problem - just her an activity plan to follow. That'll solve the get up and go problem too. When you say devoid if intelligence do you mean she can't discuss current affairs with you in the evening or she's a potential risk to your child's safety?

If you feel that you can't continue with this nanny then you need to look for alternative care. You must have had reasons for choosing a nanny in the first place, do these still stand?

My DS has done 3 sessions at nursery since he was 18 months old and I upped it to 5 when he turned 2. He loves it and since we speak a different language at home it's beneficial for him to be there. He's also very confident about communicating and always has been. I didn't put him in until I was sure that he could hold his own, not because I was worried something would go wrong but a (practically) verbal child stands a much better chance of having their needs met.

That said if we hadn't moved house and therefore lost our lovely nanny (we had a nanny from when I went back at 4 months) I don't know if he'd have gone so young.

Hi and thank you.

In response to a few comments:

I suggested getting another nanny from day 2 but was overruled. The nanny is Hungarian, as is the mother. The mother speaks English with babe and the bilingual thing is important to us.

My concern wasn't with the dimness per se, more how she would cope in an emergency. She seems though, over the last 8 or so months, to have "settled in".

My personal opinion is that a few child groups, activities, attachment and "puddle-splashing" is the best way for up to 3 years.

The mother and I are now, unfortunately, separated. The nanny is living in with the mother and it is the mother who hates the nanny with a vengeance. The nanny is staying until July.

That's all for now ...

That complicates things. Who employs the nanny?

If bilingualism is important and the mother wants rid then she's going to need to start speaking Hungarian.

Our daughter started at about 12 months. She is now 2y 6m, and goes two full days (9ish to 5.30ish) and one afternoon (1 to 5.30ish). She loves it, and is flourishing nicely. Mum is home two days, and I have one morning of 'daddy day' left! Works perfectly.

I do see some very young kids there (under 6 months), and I do wonder about that, but I obviously don't know about the parents' circumstances.

So from about a year, I'd reckon. Hope this helps.

I actually don't think this decision is up to you then, is it?

If your DD's mother has to live (or not), with a nanny and has full time care of your daughter, then really she gets to choose the childcare.

Of course it would be nice if you could discuss it like adults and do what is best for your daughter, but that doesn't sound like it's an option. It doesn't have to be 'this' nanny or nursery - why not just get another nanny?

Are YOU paying for the childcare on top of the CSA?

Why do you say the nanny is staying until July?

So if the mum (your ex) hates the nanny and you wanted rid from day 2 - why the hell is she still there?

*This isn't really about when to start nursery at root is it? Is the nanny actually a family member/ friend of ex-wife's parents or something? There must be a reason your daughter's mother is, or feels she is, trapped into employing andliving with somebody she hates, for the next 10 months. That's insane. Your daughter'smother must be so unhappy! If its simply a straight forward employee surely your ex wife can pay her her notice and have her leave in a month's time?

I will not be paying for nursery on top of CSA. I would contribute best I could if I thought it was a good thing. (The mother earns more than I do, incidentally).

The mother would speak her native language to keep up the bilingualism.

Why is the nanny still there? And a load of other questions? - Rationality? - believe me, I've tried :-(