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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Shoudl I invite the CM for my DS's first b'day party ??

28 replies

mumtosp · 01/10/2013 20:54

I'm asking because DS just started with the CM this week (today was his second day) and I have no idea what the correct 'CM etiquettes' are

The party is in 2 weeks time...

TIA :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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IwishIwasmoreorganised · 01/10/2013 20:56

No.

You employ her to look after your ds. No offence, but I'd be amazed if she wanted to spend her time off with him (and you) too!

alarkaspree · 01/10/2013 20:59

No no no. If he had been with her for a couple of years then maybe, but she hasn't really had time to get that attached to him that she'll want to spend her weekend celebrating his birthday.

Goldmandra · 01/10/2013 21:04

I thirteen years of childminding I've only been invited to one child's birthday party and that was because our two families had become very close friends and also spent Sunday lunches, New Years Eves, trips to the theatre, etc together too.

In a normal childminding relationship I wouldn't expect to be invited and probably politely decline.

Artandco · 01/10/2013 21:06

Not after 2 weeks. Yes if after a year or more.

Bettercallsaul1 · 01/10/2013 21:08

She doesn't employ a childminder. The relationship is a completely equal one where the childminder invoices the family for professional childcare services. If the child has just started going to the childminder, then the relationship isn't' yet close enough for socialising but, some childminders would go to a birthday party or christening if they had known the family for a long time and had a close relationship with the child. Completely depends on the individuals involved!

Unlurked · 01/10/2013 21:12

I'm a cm, my kids quite often get invited to mindees parties which we go to but I wouldn't expect to be invited myself.

Shamoy · 01/10/2013 21:20

My dd's cm has a child the same age who she gets on well with so I invite them to her birthday party due to that. I wouldn't even think if inviting her as an adult on her own tbh

HSMMaCM · 01/10/2013 21:36

I've been to quite a few mindees parties over the years, but not all and I'm certainly not offended if I'm not invited. My DD is going to one this month for a mindee I cared for as a baby who is now 10.

Don't be upset if you do give an invite and it's declined.

Mutley77 · 02/10/2013 00:41

For first birthdays I have invited dc's childminders even though they hadn't been there long. One accepted and one declined, either was fine with me but I wanted them to be invited. For a first birthday imo it is more about adults being invited than kids. From age 3 onwards my dc have had proper parties with their friends.

busyDays · 02/10/2013 13:12

I have never been invited to a mindee's birthday party and would probably feel a bit akward if I was. My dd got invited once, which was nice as she was the best of friends with the mindee. I don't think I would really want to go just as an adult. I think a first birthday should be for close family only.

insancerre · 02/10/2013 13:15

You could invite them but don't be offended if they don't go.
I have worked with children for many years, albeit in a nursery and the last thing I want to do in my own time is to go to their birthday parties.
I am very dedicated to my job and love being at work, but after all, it is just a job.

busyDays · 02/10/2013 13:21

I forgot to say that what I really appreciate is parents taking the day off and keeping mindees at home on their actual birthday. I have had a few little ones come to me on their birthday and I am never really sure if I should do a little party with cake or not and what the 'mindee birthday etiquette' is.

grabaspoon · 02/10/2013 13:26

You appreciate parents taking their childrens birthdays off?

If I have had to work my charges birthdays then we have a fantastic time - we do our usual things but have a party tea/lunch with friends.

picklebumplum · 02/10/2013 13:26

I wouldn't expect to be invited to a party after a few weeks. Maybe take her dcs a slice of cake afterwards? Helps build relationships.

childminders are self employed not employed by parents (thats for iwish)

grabaspoon · 02/10/2013 13:36

Oh and as a nanny I tend to have our own celebrations mid week but have been to several birthday partys as a guest - although I end up mucking in when needed.

HedgeHogGroup · 02/10/2013 18:48

Always. My 2 went to their childminder from 5 months old. She was invited to all their parties - came to some and not to others. I'm fascinated by people who say 'its a business relationship'. Its so much more than that - you entrust your most prized possession to them for up to 8 hours a day, they have a bond with your child that is probably stronger than most of your relatives. Why would you not invite someone who has such an impact on your family.

OutragedFromLeeds · 02/10/2013 20:32

I've always been invited, and have gone wherever possible, to all my charges birthdays.

I'm a nanny, not a childminder though so it's a bit easier as I don't have as many charges as a childminder would.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 02/10/2013 21:21

Sorry, I phrased my post badly.

I should have said that you pay your CM to look after your dc. That is her job and I'd be amazed if she wanted to spend her time off with him (and you) too!

minipie · 04/10/2013 11:37

sorry to hijack OP but I have a similar dilemma - DDs first birthday is at the end of the month, our nanny will have been with us 2 weeks by then but only 2 days a week so only 4 days in total. Should I invite her to the very small party we are having??

grabaspoon · 04/10/2013 11:45

If you want to - then invite her Minipie - but if not def save her a piece of cake I wouldn't be offended if I wasn't invite but also I wouldn't expect an invite... :)

minipie · 04/10/2013 12:08

thanks grab! I wouldn't mind her being there (don't mind either way iyswim) but don't want her to feel like she has to accept when she'd quite possibly rather be doing something else...(she is very nice and might feel obliged to come) so for that reason it seems better not to invite her... but I really wouldn't her to feel left out either... argh.

ReetPetit · 04/10/2013 14:20

god no, don't invite her. I can't think of anything worse - I know a few cms who have been invited to parties have felt obliged to go but not wanted to be there. it's like you being invited to an unpaid staff meeting on your day off

Artandco · 04/10/2013 14:37

Reet- I don't think most people think like that. Looking after children as a nanny or childminder is a wry personal job compared to an office. A baby/ small child looks to their carer for love and support and a close bond is hopefully formed over time ( you wouldn't want yor child to have no bond surely)

If you care for the same child every day for a few years minimum then I'm sure most are happy to visit for an hour or so one day of the year. And if they can't they will celebrate with them before/ after with a little gift/ cake or similar

ReetPetit · 04/10/2013 21:15

errm yes, i have had children on their first/second birthdays and always do parties/cakes etc but i wouldn't want to go to a child's family birthday party when i wasn;t working. each to their own i suppose but i have yet to meet someone in my own working group who would actually want to go to one - would a nursery worker go to a child's family birthday party? especially as this cm has only had one week after looking after this child?!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 04/10/2013 21:21

I would invite her - she's an adult and can find a graceful way of declining if she doesn't want to. Some people see it 'as their job' some people see it as getting paid to do something they love doing and form quite a different bond with the children & the parents of the children they mind. She wont expect to be invited, but I think it's a nice thing to do.

Minipie - just say what you wrote in your post :) She's your nanny, she's a person too... just talk to her like you would a friend, she wont bite! :)

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