Am I doing the right thing?

[PP2291]

We recently moved and had to leave our childminder who we absolutely adored and had the most fantastic bond with our DS.

Our new childminder is lovely but settling in is proving difficult. She has a daughter who is a little older than our DS (he is nearly 2) who obviously isn’t hugely keen on having him around (she told me she hated him yesterday and screamed and pushed him when he tried to give her a kiss goodbye). She seems to be furious all the time about her mother giving my son any attention. My DS is a really strong character so I appreciate that sometimes kids are just like that but mostly it seems like he quite likes her, wants to show her things etc but gets quite a fierce response.

My DS has been crying and crying when I leave him in the mornings but seems OK when I pick him up. He is desperate to leave though and we have had a few days where he has just cried and cried when I picked him up.

I realise a bit of rivalry is really natural. Please know I am not trying to criticise the other child at all. If this was in a nursery context or something I wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s just this little girl is with her mum and my DS obviously doesn’t have his mum around.

I also realise settling in can take a while but it is really new to me as my DS has often spent days with lots of different friends of ours without a care in the world and happily spends a week or so with any of his grandparents.

I suppose I am looking for reassurance that just getting on with it is the right thing to do? There is a great nursery nearby that I really like so I am wondering whether to think about that or whether that is just yet another unsettling thing.

Any advice or similar experiences would be massively appreciated.

Not sure my 4 year old dislikes one if my mindees who is 2.5. My DS has just started school so has been well and truly pushed out in his eyes.
I try to handle the situation by explaining why I do the job and by distraction e.g. Be putting my two in the car for the school run as mindee is arriving so as to avoid a scene.
He only sees her before school as she leaves before he gets home.
But he tries to not let it her in, actually he does this with my friends kids when they visit!

It's so hard but if you think it upsets him too much I'd move him.

Is she a new childminder? What has she suggested/told you she's doing to sort it out?

If she seems like she's on top of it I'd leave it a bit longer otherwise I'd move him. I'd go for another childminder over a nursery though.

thanks guys. What makes you say another childminder Leeds? I feel like he'd get on really well at nursery (this isn't based on much, just what I 'feel') as he is pretty confident.

How recent is this? And how is your new childminder handling it?

It may even be that she's overcompensating for her daughter's behaviour and unwittingly making it worse...I know I've made that mistake in the past - come down like a ton of bricks on my own child while being extra especially nice to the minded child. Believe me, it makes things a million times worse!!

I would be cautious about moving your DS because furious 2 year olds can be found in all manner of settings!! It would be awful to move him to the nursery only for their to be a biter in his room - for example.

Some children when being picked up, as much as they enjoyed themselves want to leave as quickly as possible. It's almost as if they're scared you're going to leave them again.
It is a tough one. Also depends on how childminder handles it. Some are very fair and overcompensate with child which isn't theres. Others are laid back.

How long has he been going to the new childminder? If it hasn't been that long I would leave it for a bit and see how things go. I took on a little girl and had a similar situation where dd said she hated her. The two girls didn't get on at all for the first few weeks and I was seriously considering giving notice. Luckily they both got used to each other and started playing together. Now they are very good friends and do absolutely everything together.