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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Nanny abusing children - DESPERATELY NEED ADVICE

57 replies

Mummyneedshelp1 · 30/09/2013 23:35

My eldest 9 year old child has just revealed our nanny has been mistreating her - smacking on legs and face and threatening to get her in trouble if she reveals anything.

She went on to say she did the same thing with her baby sister (18 months) Perhaps even treating her worse - ignoring the baby when she falls and hurts herself, shouting at her, smacking her thigh. Apparently the nanny even threw a ball at the baby and when it hit her head which hurt her and made her cry the nanny just put the volume up on the TV so the crying didn't disturb her TV watching.

It seems the nanny behaves in a completely different way when I and my husband are not around.

As you can imagine, this news is most distressing. Made worse by the fact I could see the baby changed towards the nanny. Wouldn't want to go to her, would suddenly stand still staring away from her in her presence, clinging on to me if I would pass her to the nanny.

I dread to think what the nanny could have done to the baby when my eldest daughter isn't around.

Needless to say the nanny is gone - on our next meeting I will be firing her evil butt without pay.

My question is how can she be disciplined for such poor and potentially illegal actions?

Though she smacked my children, she did not leave any marks. We also have no proof, no video.... It will just be my daughters word against the nanny's.

As a Filipina, I also don't think she is registered with Ofsted nor has any records for CRB.

However - I am aware she has just been legally made a British citizen. I don't know if there is anything I can do about that.

Also I have details of a family she still babysits for - I don't know if it might be worth finding out how the nanny behaves with them and perhaps warning them about her.

Yes - I am angry, fuming even about this revelation. But more than that, I actually would like to protect other families and other children from going through this experience. There must be some way other parents can be warned and make sure she never works with children again.

I haven't let the nanny know I know yet - I want to handle this as delicately and wisely as possible. The baby is with grand father and I am always around when she is with my daughter - when she behaves well.

Pls forgive the length of this post. It has all been quite frightful really

:( :( :(

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 01/10/2013 10:19

Someone assaults my child, I wouldn't just be sacking them. I would be talking to the police. They have trained professionals that deal with child victims all the time. They know how to question them to get a conviction.

weewhile · 01/10/2013 12:35

I agree with NomDeClavier and Bearandcub.
As much as you probably want to tear her to shreds, you do have to follow guidelines.
Is she still working in your house? You said the nanny doesn't know you know and that you don't leave her alone with the children anymore.
You need to get her out ASAP and not let her near the children. Make some excuse if you have to, but allowing her to continue caring for the kids just weakens any official complaint you make and also sends a potentially harmful message to your children that you are not protecting them.

Without proof you may be able to lodge a complaint, but I don't know if you will succeed in having her struck off. It's a horrid thing to be abused in your own home.
If you do hire a new nanny, please choose someone with loads of experience, training and absolutely follow up at least 2 references.

As a previous nanny of 20 years I unfortunately know families who have been through similar situations. I sadly had to finish a friendship with another nanny because she admitted to me that she had 'slapped' a child in her care. I told her employer and she was fired.
Not just nannies though. I have also witnessed nursery staff being far too firm physically with a child and I reported that too.

Hope it all works out and you and your children can move forward in time.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2013 14:35

surely agencies make sure that all nannies are crbed/dbs - and as vicar said as a parent you would check this - why on earth would you hire someone who wasnt

and if the agency said she was but isnt then you should sue the agency

but that doesnt help you at the moment, so if you think your 9yr is telling the truth then you need to suspend the nanny now, if you carry on having them care for your child it means you arent that worried and can go against you

how long has this nanny been looking after your children? could your 9yr want her sacked and you to give up work?

you say she wont be left alone with them/do you not work/or taken some emergency leave?

contact the police and agency and ss

NomDeClavier · 01/10/2013 14:50

surely agencies make sure that all nannies are crbed/dbs

You'd think so, but no...some don't at all, some just do a cursory flick through, some accept a check that's 5 years out of date. And some actually do their job properly but the loophole is that the responsiblity rests with the parent.

bigknickersforthepicker · 01/10/2013 15:12

Call the police and have them ready at the house when she arrives for her next working day.

Shit. im angry for you. Your poor, poor children

TeamSouthfields · 01/10/2013 16:02

I would talk to the agency first!

MissStrawberry · 01/10/2013 18:51

Berating the OP for trusting the agency and not checking things is hardly helping. I am sure she feels crap as it is.

Definitely call the police. She has assaulted your children. Throwing something at a baby's head ffs!

nearlymumofone · 01/10/2013 19:56

This would amount to child cruelty/neglect. Particularly the smacking of the 9 year old on the face, ignoring a baby who was hurt and throwing the ball at the baby.This would certainly amount to a police matter if you wanted to take it that far. There is proof as your 9 year old has witnessed it. Things go to court on the strength of this.

You would need to decide though whether you would want to put her through a police interview (would be with specialist child protection officers who are well trained but still you would need to consider whether you would want to put her through this experience) and potentially court appearance.

However If you didn't go to the police this nany may well go on to nanny other children/babies. Consider how you feel about this.

Regarding the CRB check. All a CRB check reveals really is that someone hasn't be caught before. Not that they are necessarily of good character IYSWIM!

grumpalumpgrumped · 03/10/2013 19:54

CRB or now DBS checks only cover UK so if she has only recently started working here that would be pointless. If we recruit someone who has worked for long periods or lived in another country we are told to contact their local police force.

Conract your local safeguarding childrens department.

bigknickersforthepicker · 04/10/2013 07:48

OP Can you update?

ReetPetit · 04/10/2013 14:25

this is what happens when you employ unchecked people I'm sorry to say.

is she living in your home? I would have packed her bags as soon as I knew and gone straight to the police.

bigknickersforthepicker · 04/10/2013 14:28

I think you'll find even the ' checked' childcare providers abuse? Crbs serve a false sense of security. If they haven't been caught it tells you nothing. Perhaps the op made alack in judgment in employing this particular woman but I don't think berating her for it is helping- I am genuinely concerned for her family and would like to know that this abuser is being dealt with.

Kendodd · 04/10/2013 14:32

Call the NSPCC, they should be able to tell you what to do.

ARoundSoundLikeGround · 04/10/2013 15:37

I'm really sorry that you have had this experience but why would you employ a Nanny without a CRB check?
Is she formally employed by you or do you pay cash in hand. I'm getting a little whiff of dodginess here

Nicadooby · 05/10/2013 19:12

Any update?

IrisWildthyme · 05/10/2013 19:26

Definitely don't set up a hidden camera - do not let her be in the same room as your children unsupervised again. Setting up a hidden camera is effectively trying to use your child as bait in order to secure a prosecution. Your children should not be used as bait.

Certainly dismiss her. You probably should pay notice though as you cannot prove misconduct beyond reasonable doubt. Certainly do not agree to be a referee and report your concerns to the agency but you will have to be clear that you have no proof.

highinthesky · 05/10/2013 19:27

I'd really like to know what the outcome is too. Is it a police matter?

IrisWildthyme · 05/10/2013 19:28

(oh sorry hadn't seen page two this is all old news now...)

highinthesky · 05/10/2013 19:30

Why pay notice? The law allows dismissal without reason within the first 2 years of employment. Surely logging a call with the police should be enough if your nanny decides to challenge on the grounds of discrimination.

If you are sure that she has been harming your children, don't pay her a red cent.

IrisWildthyme · 05/10/2013 19:40

high employees have the right to one week's paid notice after one month's continuous employment.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/10/2013 19:53

i know op is prob sorting things out in real life

but hate threads like these that has no update several days later, esp when people try and help and give advice - bugs me (sorry)

hettienne · 05/10/2013 20:30

highinthesky - if you dismiss someone for no reason you still have to pay them their contractual notice! You can't just fire someone on the spot without reason.

However, hurting a child is gross misconduct and so you can fire someone without notice for that reason.

HoopersGinger · 07/10/2013 10:24

You can film in your own home

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 07/10/2013 20:50

Hoopers yes you can, but not without informing someone you have employed to work there.

Blondes I'd put money on it being a wind up.

Llareggub · 07/10/2013 20:56

If you do come back, OP, please do ensure that you report the nanny to the ISA to ensure that she does not work with children again. If you google you'll find it.

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