Can anyone help with this unexpected problem - 3 year old doesn't want to go to childminder anymore

[Nacknick]

Our 3 year old has been at his lovely childminder for over 2 years. He has been very happy there and we have absolutely no concerns or issues with the care provided. He has however recently started saying he doesn't want to go anymore and getting upset at drop-off. I think it is related to the fact that his best friend doesn't go there anymore and although we have kept up contact with playdates he is just plain missing him but not able to understand or articulate these feelings as he's too young.

Anyone else experienced anything like this and any advice as to how we can help him get over this?

Has the CM said whether he is upset while he is there?

I have had children staging massive tantrums before coming to me in the morning and then they play happily all day long. If they were still upset with me, then I would definitely talk to their parents.

My older children are missing the ones who have just gone to school, but we are making up for it by giving them special 'responsibilities', now that they are the big ones. They love being made to feel all grown up.

Hi OP
I think three is a difficult age. Children that age know they don't like mummy going to work and can often find reasons they don't like the childcare, as they know that will worry mummy. Emotional blackmail :) I'm afraid. As you said he can't fully articulate his feeling but knows this works.
I'm a nanny and a three year old I look after has recently started telling mummy he doesn't like me coming. When mum asked why he could only think of the fact that I don't let him watch as much TV as his mummy.
And yes he is very happy all day, laughing smiling etc.
You need to talk to your childminder, find out what she thinks. Don't talk to her infront of your son.

A family I have nannied for had a very articulate 2.5 year old. She had been at her original childminders since 9months and I have to say they were excellent but one day she just started crying as soon as going to the cm was mentioned and everyday she would say "no go cm". This went on for 2 months getting progressively worse but in the end due to the family moving they had to swap childminders. Even though personally I much preferred the style of the other cm since joining the new cm the lttle girl has been so happy and she even asks to go on days she is normally at home. Sometimes listen to your child, she maybe a fab cm but it may no longer suit your child and their personality and they could be happier with someone else who has a different way of minding and a different group of children to mix with.

Thanks for replying. I've discussed with the childminder and they say that he's ok in the day although a bit up and down and seems to get upset over quite small things. I don't want to really consider moving him as it took a long time for him to settle in there and I know that he's generally happy throughout the day. I wonder does anyone have any ideas how I could talk to him about it without putting ideas in his head - i.e. I don't want to say "why don't you want to go to childminder? is it because you miss your friend?"

Ask your childminder to let you know if she's planning any interesting activities in advance (baking, trips out, etc) and then talk about them with your DS in advance. 'Oh wow, X says you're going to do some baking tomorrow, that sounds really fun!' etc.

See if she (or you) can get hold of stories about friends moving away to read to him.

You could play with him with small world people, duplo, playmobile etc.
Doesn't have to be people could be animals.
Play mummy and babies, children. Then the mummy is going to work. The baby/child is going to a childminder. See what he says. Don't prompt.

I have a little girl whose sister has just left me to start school. The younger one clearly misses her very much and does make a fuss about coming to me, not every day but perhaps every other day, and is only gradually starting to get back to normal at drop off, though she is fine once she has got settled. Many children just dislike change and it takes them a little while to adjust, and of course missing a playmate or sibling is perfectly normal. I am sure if both you and your CM focus on the fun he will have, your son will settle in to his new routine and make new friends.