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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny bringing own child with her - anyone have experience of this?

23 replies

Slavetominidictator · 25/09/2013 22:00

I interviewed a nanny today who I liked very much. I think she'd suit my 15month old dd well, however, she has a 13 month old too, who she wants to bring with her.
I have thought long and hard about what my dd needs and decided on a nanny, despite the extra costs, because of the one to one care and being able to stay in her own home and go to her regular groups. With this nanny's daughter there too, I worry that her attention would be split, that she would find it impossible not to favour her daughter and that mine would have to fit in with their way. For instance, I heard the nanny use a couple of words with my dd which I would not use. If she were just our nanny, I'd ask her to modify what she'd said, but with her dd there, it's criticising her parenting, so I think I'd be unable to do this reasonably.
Does anyone have any experience of this kind of thing working? The other thing she requested is that her other 7 year old dd come during the holidays, which I think will be even more of a problem.

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Original poster

Slavetominidictator · 25/09/2013 22:18

I should add I am working unusual part time hours and so I can't be too picky....

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 25/09/2013 22:23

It can work fantastically well, but I think you need to be open to it and it doesn't sound like you are tbh.

'If she were just our nanny, I'd ask her to modify what she'd said'

This is sounding major alarm bells. What on earth did she say?! I can't imagine many nannies being happy to modify their speech! You might need to lighten up a bit.

BrianTheMole · 25/09/2013 22:26

What did she say?

racmun · 25/09/2013 22:28

Personally I wouldn't want a nanny with their own dc, that is just my preference. The reason you're h
Going for a nanny is as you said 1 to 1 care, which you won't be getting. In the holidays in will be 1 to 3!

As for the speech thing if it was things like 'ta' I'm with you on that.

However no one will ever be perfect so she may be the best, if not perfect, fit.

Aethelfleda · 25/09/2013 22:28

I had a friend who was a nanny in exactly that situation: she nannied for another mum from our antenatal group from when they were several months old. It worked really well, the two children went everywhere in a double buggy like siblings would, no jealousy issues and they got on really well. I never saw either child being favoured. If you get on well with this girl and think she's a competent professional .... the decision is yours.

NannyMcphee12 · 25/09/2013 22:29

It sounds like your not open to the idea of her bringing her child.

Could you possible ask her if on occasions her child could be cared for by family etc

Aethelfleda · 25/09/2013 22:30

Though I can see that having another DD there as well is more of a stretch....

dedado · 25/09/2013 22:33

I've no experience with nannies.I expect though that you're paying extra for someone to do things your way, otherwise you should use a childminder and save money. What would happen if one of the two toddlers was ill, maybe had one of the common childhood infections that mean they should be separated? Would either of you have backup so the ill toddler could be separated from the other? I'd expect your nanny to have more sick days herself if she has no other childcare for her own child. How would you cope with that?

Original poster

Slavetominidictator · 25/09/2013 23:13

Thanks very much all for responding. I was open to it, until I saw the little girl, who, under any other circumstances, I would have found adorable, but in these, just saw that she was taller and bigger than my dd, louder, had a snotty nose and a screaming habit. None of these things would bother me at all in a toddler group situation, in fact, she was a really fun little character, but I kept seeing my dd having toys taken off her and her drink taken and thought I really don't want this for her the whole time I'm at work. The nanny did intervene but it just seemed too much - my dd is no wallflower but this little girl was a proper whirlwind.
I'm sure I am being a bit unrealistic and thanks to whoever said it needs to be best fit, not perfect - I'm sure that's true.
And the things she said were not that big a deal, just made me realise it'd be much harder to request that she do or say certain things when her parenting is involved too. She just repeatedly called me a name to dd, when I'd already told her dd calls me something else, and yes, she did say 'ta' when I really prefer that dd learn thank you instead. I'm sure plenty of people will say this is nothing but it was more that it made me realise the bigger difficulty of having to moderate my requests.
And thank you for the point about illness - hadn't even thought of that.....
Can anyone suggest some genius way to find a nanny with no children who would be prepared to work part time?

OP posts:

NannyMcphee12 · 25/09/2013 23:21

Op I've sent you a message

Original poster

Slavetominidictator · 25/09/2013 23:27

Thanks - have replied.

OP posts:

DalmationDots · 25/09/2013 23:28

It could be good for your DD to be used to having another child around who she has to learn to share with, stand up to and play with.
You just need to weigh up the pros and cons...

tshirtsuntan · 25/09/2013 23:28

OP- no.... stay at home or send your kid to nursery!

ModeratelyObvious · 25/09/2013 23:28

If you didn't like her DD, then it won't work.

But if she was calling you Mummy to DD when you prefer Mother, or whatever, cut her some slack if it was a trial session.

I wouldn't see why you'd need to moderate your requests though, she's working for you and parenting her DD -doubt she'd see it as criticism.

Cindy34 · 26/09/2013 07:42

Does not sound like a good match, consider other applicants.

Lack of applicants? Are the working hours unattractive? Are you splitting up the fay, such as working 7am-9am then 3pm-7pm? The job needs to be viable for whomever is doing it, many nannies will do part time jobs but they may need to juggle it with another job, so the hours need to fit.

If you want a nanny to do 1:1 care why compromise on that? If you want someone who cares for multiple children, you could use a nursery, childminder, unless the working hours do not fit with those that other providers are open.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2013 12:05

Doesn't sound a good match - esp as has older child as well

Personally I HATE ta and always says thank you

Entrigued what the nanny called you and what you want your dc to call you

What are you unusual pt hours? If that unusual then you may need to use a nwoc - which will also cost you less then a nanny without

It can work but sounds like you have already made your mind up and in this instance you are right

Would you consider a cm? Tho obv wouldn't get 1 to 1 care there

Original poster

Slavetominidictator · 26/09/2013 22:48

Thanks v much for more responses and apologies for not replying sooner - pesky work and baby getting in the way of MNing.
I definitely did not dislike the little girl, just thought my dd would not do brilliantly in a situation with her.
My hours are odd because I work in a secondary school, following classes through the week, so something like, Monday lesson 2 & 3, Wednesday lesson 1 & 2, you get the idea. So no full days, just 5 hours per day three days a week, but different days alternate weeks (as we have a two week timetable). See why it's so difficult?
I don't want a child minder as I want her to have one to one and for it to be in our house for as much continuity as possible. I'm also prepared to spend 3/4 of my salary on a nanny, living frugally on my husband's salary, so she can be looked after like this. It just isn't going to work with the lovely nanny is it, with her baby too?

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 26/09/2013 23:01

I think you are going to really struggle to find someone to do those hours tbh.

You're either going to have to pay very, very well or take a NWOC or older/retired person. I can't think anyone else will want those hours.

Nannyshare is another possibility, but again not one to one care. You may need to accept that you can't afford one to one care (maybe you can, but it will be pricey for those hours). Honestly though 15 hours a week is fine in a small group/with one other child, if she has one to one the rest of the time it'll probably be good for her.

Original poster

Slavetominidictator · 26/09/2013 23:24

I would be really keen to have a retired or older nanny who was just looking for one baby to look after and to supplement a pension or something.
What is NWOC - forgive my ignorance?
I really do think one to one is what she needs and am prepared to pay for it. I agree with you, outraged, that it could well be good for her to have the social interaction for those hours, but I take her to groups every day for that anyway.

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 26/09/2013 23:42

NWOC is nanny with own child.

Maybe target the older person if that would suit you. Ads in shop window, parish newsletter etc. rather than nannyjob/gumtree. It could work really well.

Do you need school holidays if you work in a school?

Original poster

Slavetominidictator · 26/09/2013 23:56

I don't need school holidays but thought it might be better - to keep to a routine for dd, to keep hours up for nanny and to let me plan or mark.

That's a really good idea to specifically target like that. Will try it. Thanks very much, outraged.

OP posts:

ModeratelyObvious · 27/09/2013 07:17

What about a childminder who focuses on after school care but may be happy to have DD a few hours a week?

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/09/2013 08:36

See wha you mean about your hours

Tbh that's gonna be hard to fill as the average nanny needs more then 5hrs a day and can't take another job on as you different hours

Re advertise for someon older - what your latest time you require - would it fit in with a mum at school who is looking for work during school hours

If not then you will either need to pay well over the odds so that a nanny can afford to work 5hrs a day

Or not have one to one and

Have a nwoc

Use a cm

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