How do your DC behave for the CM?

[survivingthechildren]

We have a lovely university student who acts as a mother's help several times a week. It tends to vary from week to week, but usually she entertains DS4(7) and DD(5), whilst supervising the other DC (teen and tween aged) at a distance.

I have posted in a similar vein before, but basically the younger ones have a tendency to act up a little when she's around. They get very hyper and silly, and tend to be a bit naughty. I have told my CM from the beginning that she may deal with it by sending them to their rooms, which is how I deal with the situation. However, she is more Miss Honey than Miss Trunchbull IYSWIM. It seems to have a set a bit of a precedent with the DC. Not that I think she should have to manage the discipline of my DC, I believe they absolutely should behave themselves when she is around, and there are heavy consequences if I hear of behaviour otherwise. The sending to their rooms thing, is simply because children have their days and I wanted her to have some tools to deal with it.

2 days ago, she was minding the DC, when an epic tantrum from DD kicked off. Over something minor it appears, she got upset and it escalated into a right tantrum. DD was told to go to her room, and then refused. CM was almost in tears when I got home, having no idea how to defuse the situation and no idea where to go from there. She said she didn't feel like she should pick DD up and move her, and was completely stressed by the whole thing.

I am totally mortified by DD's behaviour. Is it only my DC??? They behave for the most part in my and DH's care, it just that babysitter seem to hype them right up! What the hell do I do about it? What does your CM do is such a situation?

She's not a CM as we work in our own houses.

The two of you need to sit down and work out consistent behaviour strategies, so she knows exactly what you would like her to do when the children play up.

Oh ... And children often behave differently for different people.

She's not a childminder, she's a babysitter or mother's help.

There is a difference and it's illustrated nicely by your problem; a childminder would be able to deal with a stroppy/hyper 5 year old.

ALL children behave differently for different people. They push as far as they are able, if they sense she's a bit weak on the discipline then they will go further with her than they would with you. I don't really know what you can do about it though. I think it's one of those things you either have or don't have. Maybe get her to watch a few episodes of supernanny?

you get what you pay for tbh - you are describing an aupair/babysitter type person... she is young and in experienced and 4 children of different ages is a handful for anyone.

you would be better off to put them in after school club, get a registered childminder (is self employed and works from their own home) or a nanny.

I have the opposite problem. other people's children are normally extremely well behaved for me as know I won't tolerate tantrums/rolling around on floor etc (especially from a 5 year old) it's their parents they play up for

Yes I get lovely behaviour..in fact better than when their parents collect them.

Also, they eat more fruit and veg with me, because there is no alternative!

what is she, you called her 3 different things - her a mothers help/cm/babysitter

she DEF isnt a cm as they work from their own home

as a nanny if i asked/told a 5yr to go to their room then yes i would take her there myself

your student has no control over your children and they in return dont respect her or else the 5yr would have obeyed her iyswim

so yes she should have either picked her up, or as i do held her hand and taken her to her room for time out

I wouldn't send my own children to their room if they misbehaved as they have too much interesting stuff there, so it wouldn't really be a hardship or prompt any reflection on their misdeeds (mine get to sit on the bottom stair - nothing to do but think) That said, if that is what you do, it is right that your babysitter should follow suit, and I think the fact that your 5yo kicked up a fuss may show they regarded it as a consequence.

I agree with earlier posters that your babysitter does not seem to have the experience or authority to deal with supervising four children. I am assuming she is young and not a parent, nor trained in childcare. They sense her weakness and play up for her. That is what children do - I am guessing they would push all your buttons if you had a bad day, perhaps especially busy or stressed or under the weather. She should have taken the child to her room. They will have even less respect if she does not follow through. It is upsetting when your children behave badly, but don't let disappointment or embarrassment cloud the issue. This is not a suitable childcare arrangement for your children and I think you need to think again.

I have a college student a couple of nights a week to help me out at the moment.
We're still at the training stage, though she had my 2 year old for 2 hours on Monday night. Maybe she just needs to spend a bit more time with you watching and learning how to deal with the children.
I'd just remind your children in the morning of the consequences if they don't behave - then make sure your mother's help follows them through.
Eg. If XXX tells you to do your reading book you must do it, otherwise you don't get to watch (whatever 5 year old girls watch) tonight.

BTW my first 2 are 5 and 7 and they do need a bit of down time and some food before starting the homework/activity/dinner/bath/bedtime nightmare. They're still just getting back into a routine from school.

Reet - I do have to say though this 17 year old I have working for me is significantly better and cheaper than any of the other after school nannies/mother's helps I have interviewed so far (8 of them). Just goes to show that sometimes you don't get what you pay for.

Sorry, I'm not quite up to speed with all my Mumsnet lingo! I had just assumed the CM was an umbrella term for all paid child-related help!

Our uni student is a babysitter/mother's help. She really only has care of the 11yo, 7yo, and 5yo. But the 11yo just does his own things really, and is only with he once a week due to activities. The have 2 teens (13 and 15) who she doesn't look after, they're normally just in the background if they're not at an activity themselves.

I think I'll sit the DC down next time she's here and go over the rules. I'm not sure how a nanny would work out, as I don't' need very many hours during the week.

Thanks for all the advice, I suppose the only thing to do in be consistent!

Karolann, how can she be significantly better if you're still training her and you haven't yet entrusted all your children to her sole care?

I think maybe she's just significantly 'cheaper' and perhaps 'better' at doing what she's told a 17 year old is still basically a child imo....