Au pair room change?

[JammieMummy]

We have an au pair starting at the end of next month, when we recruited her (through an agency) we offered a double room. However, our personal situation has now changed and we think the best option for us as a family is to move our DD and DS into a room together (I.e. the double we had offered the au pair) and put the au pair in the single room.

It is a small single bedroom (I can't describe it any other way, if it were a few feet bigger it would be a double but it isn't it is definitely a single) and I would plan to make if very nice for her, was thinking a sofa/day bed so if she had friends over she could make it look like a sofa but it was still a comfy bed and it could stretch out to a double bed if required, but you would have to take the chest of draws out as it would pretty much take up the WHOLE room . In addition to her room she gets use of a laptop, a free mobile phone and money towards her English classes (as well as her pay of course!).

I suppose I am asking am I being unreasonable to ask her to move into the smaller room at this point?

Well you should tell her in advance and give her the dimensions of the room. Then she can make her own decision whether she is happy with it.

It doesn't sound great to be honest It would be annoying to make up a sofa bed every night. Also a full chest of drawers would surely be v difficult to move (unless it's on wheels) so it's not much of an advantage having the option of a double bed. Can you think of something else you could give her to compensate for the loss of the better room? Cinema vouchers once a month? Membership of a gym?

You'll probably want to speak to her sooner rather than later.

We had a sofa bed that pulled out into a bed when we rented a room for a while. It wasn't comfortable, despite being expensive, and the sheets got dirty all the time if we left it made up. It also damaged the wall because there was only millimetres between the pulled out bed and the wall, and when it moved it whacked the wall.

Does 'use of a laptop' mean she's sharing? Or just that it isn't hers to keep?

I don't think gym memberships or cinema tickets would help really. If she's unhappy with her room, she won't stay. You'll need to ask her how she feels.

Sorry I should have been more specific it isn't a sofa bed it is a day bed that can look like a sofa here So when it is just her it would be a single bed, but if she has a boyfriend who comes to stay (as last au pair did) then she can make it into a double for that reason.

It is her own laptop for the duration of her stay with us, we just ask she doesn't take it out of the house without telling us.

I will of course raise it with her as soon as I have made a definitely decision but if I am being very unreasonable I would hate to start our relationship off on the wrong foot!

I think the thing is to let her know as soon as possible so that she can make a decision. You may need to get someone else if she says no.

YANBU as long as you tell her the terms have changed with plenty of notice and are then reasonable if she decides not to come.

Personally I don't think it sounds big enough unless you have a snug/sitting room/playroom space to offer her in the evening/on the weekends or you're a family who are often out/away on weekends.

We have a separate building in the garden which has a sofa and desk, its own patch of decking with lights etc which she could use any evening or she can use the playroom (it has a tv etc) and we are often out at the weekends too, although we always invite our au pairs along with us (they are often doing their own things). Thank you for flagging those things up as I will also highlight these to her when suggesting the idea.

Of course if she decided not to come that would be fine, although it would be a shame as we are looking forward to meeting her. To be honest though if she wasn't willing to change rooms then I might consider putting the children in the single room but then she would have to keep coming into our room to get their clothes etc.

When I first had aupairs, they had just a small room with a single bed and a bathroom they had to share with the family. No aupair appears to have baulked at that. The ones who did not last/stay long left for other reasons.

We live in London and space is at a premium.

So long as you are upfront with her as soon as possible (send her pictures etc), then you can leave her to make her own mind up. I don't think you need to worry about being unreasonable. If she is happy, she will stay. If not, she will leave. Most aupairs will want to have a social life anyway, not spend it in their rooms. With one aupair, we moved twice - now that is a major upheaval. But she stayed for almost 2 years.

how old are dd/ds?

why have you put them in the same room and made them share instead of i assume them both having a small single room each and ap having the double

again i am assuming that you have 4 beds, you and dh, 2 small kids room and a double, is that right?

or do you mean you have 3 rooms, your/dh, double for ap and single which 2 kids share, if so then i would still put dd/ds in together as no other choice, put bunkbeds in and chest of drawers for kids clothes

Blondes - DD is just 3 and DS is 16 months and still in a cot. So I cant have bunkbeds as DD is too young to be on the top bunk and DS isn't even in a bed. Between DS's cot and DD's bed there wouldn't be enough room in the small room for a chest of draws.

We are only in a three bed and are not allowed to move house for another year. Without going into too much detail our DS was a total surprise and has only been with us for 2 months which is why this wasn't planned better and the au pair was told she would get the double room as our previous have done. DS is currently in our room but that can't continue for the next year which is how long the au pair will be with us.

why do you want an ap?

generally ap's dont have sole charge care of children under 3

if you are working then i would advise diff childcare ie a live out nanny/cm

if you want an extra pair of hands i would employ a mothers help/student

always nice to have surprises so congrats about ds :)

DH works from home (in the building at the end of the garden) both child have nursery etc but due to his business calls or odd meetings in London he cannot commit to drop offs and pick ups or care from them once they are at home, we also have 2 dogs whom the au pair walks and they generally help out. My work (when I go back) is exceptionally flexible so I might only find out I am working the night before or times could be changed last minute etc for all these reasons an au pair suits our family.

Due to both DC being adopted we also find one person who cares for them in their own home, with all the security that offers (plus being able to pop to see Daddy at the end of the garden in his breaks) works really well for them and if we ever want the odd night out far too few and far between there isn't someone new coming in to care for them. It has been a very difficult balancing act and we may rethink after this au pair (more mature than most with experience of working in a nursery with children under 3) but we have made a commitment to her now.

Thank you for the congratulations, he is a lovely surprise although I am still adjusting!!!

You can get cot bunk beds, but probably easier to just move the au pair!

Wow!! Those are really quite impressive!!

Wow. They are good Leeds - never seen them

is there a ladder or something. Hate to think the one on the top bunk would climb out of hole and fall :(

Op - would you consider a nanny rather then 2 nursery charges and an ap salary? May wit out cheaper

I think Leeds has the best solution! That and chest of draws for children.

I don't think there is anything worse than having no room of my own.

Blonde - our DD is at the nursery attached to her prep school and so we wouldn't take her out of there. Plus she loves it and is very settled, only child I know who would also like to go to school at the weekends!

I have considered a nanny share for DS but can't seem to find any in our local area and not really sure where else to look. I don't think we could afford a full time nanny as despite me only working 3 days a week we would have to pay her for all 5 as the day I work change from week to week!

While the cot bunk beds are very impressive, I won't be spending £600 on something that will be used for a year maximum and I wouldn't be happy putting DD in them either on the top or bottom bunk. The AP will have her own space, she will have her own bedroom it just won't be as big as originally planned, or she will have the big room and the DC will share the small room. I think I might put it to her and if she is dead against it then that will be our answer. Also we are planning to pay her extra if she has the smaller room as a sort of compensation.

You can all but ask

Hope all gets worked out

I know dad works from home so extra support there but be careful with a young toddler and an ap looking after them

Normally aps look after 5+ and at school all day - tho know you said your dc are at nursery a lot

Given your surprise circumstances I would put your children together in the larger room as bunk cots are very expensive for a short time only. It is inconvenient for ap to collect clothes from your room. Also my experience of children demonstrates a large amount of toys accumulate in their room which will be an issue in a small bedroom. Tbh why should the children live in a cramped room together so that the ap gets a large spacious room? A single room should be adequate for an ap with the extras you are offering, not everyone lives in a mansion! As you have offered a double could you put a small double bed in? Ie a single is 3ft and a 4ft double is not much wider? I would discuss it with the ap prior to them coming over in case they decide against it. You can then advertise the single room next time if necessary.

I used ft nursery with an aupair to do drop-offs/pick ups and wrap around care (1+ hour of sole charge until I came home) since ds was 1. Our aupair was brilliant. So long as you can keep on eye on things and observe her, esp during the early days, you will be able to figure out quickly whether she is the sensible sort who can be trusted.

My current aupair looks after my 10 and 7 year old but I would not leave her with a 16-month old. I have had 18-year old aupairs who were brilliant with babies. Depends on the aupair but you will have a gut feel very soon.

I would not get too hung up on any particular aupair. Tell your new one the low down. If she does not want to come, find another. Even after she arrives, it may or may not work out. You will find one who is The One eventually but it can be hit and miss along the way.

So you've got 3 bedrooms 2 doubles 1 single?

Is there any reason that the "playroom" can't be used as a bedroom and the children just play in their rooms?

I would be pretty put out if I were your au pair and got given the single room after being told differently. But you could mention it to her well in advance and see what her reaction is

Thank you all for your advice and help, it has definitely given me things to think about. Sorry I havent replied in a while but to top everything off our internet went down!

I am going to see what the au pair thinks herself and see where we go from there!

I think your suggestion to pay her more for having the smaller room is excellent. I am sure she will appriciate it

without reading all the above comments my opinion is:
a/ that ikea bed is a really nice one and makes two proper beds if needed. no problem there.
b/ is your future aupair a typical first time young aupair from a foreign country? if so, she wont bet an eyelid on the change. if she has siblings, the bedroom in your house might be a first bedroom she gets to have for herself. also i dont think outside english speaking world it is common to describe bedrooms as single or double bedroom anyway. also i dont think a non-english person will consider not having a double bed a problem ( i have come across english people who would refuse a live-in job if not having a double bed ).
its very nice of you to think about your aupair this much and i am sure she will have a good time with you. just tell her you are changing your house arrangements and she will get a different room than originally anticipated and she will surely be ok.

ps. what i personally find more valuable in a bedroom is a desk (which a nanny/aupair bedroom ofter dont have i have found) rather than a double bed, or a king size even, that takes up space.

Our au pair has a single bed and a shared bathroom. Neither her nor the au pair before her seem to mind. Our DC has a double bed and large room but her toys are in there and she gets booted out if people come to stay (including if the au pair has friends to stay as is happening in a few weeks) so I think we are flexible and that helps. I have thought of giving her the double but then the toys would need to go in the rest of the house which fills me with dread!