How do I find out from my nanny whether anything is wrong?

[incognitotoday]

My nanny just called in sick again. She had a bout of illness end of last year/beginning of this year and these things happen. Since then though it's been at least 2-3 days per month she called in sick for. I know nobody is superwoman and illness does happen and I'm not looking to get rid of her because who knows the next one might be worse and also the kids adore her and she's great with them.

My question, as I'm real rubbish at things like that and that's why I'm not a manager ... how do I approach her to find out whether anything is bothering her? Obviously don't want to appear draconian nor interfering nosey cow...

I have already 'taken the liberty' of suggesting that as she has recurrent problems to go to the doctor each time so they don't keep fobbing her off with 'virus'.

Any suggestions from eithere nanny employers or nannies themselves highly appreciated.

I'm a chicken about things like this, but looking from the outside, you need to sit down with a cup of coffee and say 'we really need to talk about your health, and what we can do to stop you having these regular bouts of illness' - sort of thing!!! She will either feel dreadful, because she knows she is letting you down, or will be dismissive, in which case, you need to question if she is the nanny you want. Our nanny had a period of 3 months off, and another of 2 months when the children were small - and it was very difficult - but apart from those, she's hardly ever been missing for a day.

Hope you can get it sorted.

Oh, tough one. Do you have regular reviews with this nanny? These are a good place to bring these things up. Do you believe she is genuinely ill, or do you think she is pulling sickies? What does your contract say about sick pay? In other words, do you pay her for the days she is absent? And are you required to do so in the contract?

I take it she is live-out?

Oh, I forgot, how long has she worked for you?

fairyjay, I'm glad I'm not the only 'chicken'. I'm sure she feels not too good about it as she keeps wanting to 'make the hours up'. Thing is though that obviously that doesn't help with my work hours :) Though useful if dh and I fancy the movies... She's really nice and great with the kids as I said s I guess it's 'time for a talk'.

Uwila, yes she's live-out and no I don't think she's putting it on. Yesterday she looked pretty pale already when I got home from work. Might have to introduce those reviews you mentioned, sounds like a good idea. As for pay, I can't find the contract, but she's now happy not to get paid the days she's not working due to short term illness. Otherwise if she's off sick for longer with doctors cert she gets statutory sick pay.

p.s. she's been with me just over 1 year

I do a monthly thought I forget some months so it ends up bimonthly dinner/review with my nanny. It gives us a chance to get together and chat about the kids when they aren't there demanding our attention. And it's a nice excuse for a peaceful meal which I don't have to cook.

You might review the list of duties, the contract, and in that time bring up that you are having trouble with covering the hours.

Yes these things happen but 2-3 days a month for six months seems a lot. From what you say it sounds as if she has a serious health issue. Maybe she's just rundown, but either way you all need to know.

In your shoes I'd be getting pretty heavy about insisting she goes to GP, getting blood tests etc. After all, as well as being inconvenienced by the sick days, you are concerned for her.

she has had blood tests 6 and 3 months ago as she was diagnosed with thyroid problems (hence me being very lenient in the past). 4 or so months ago she was put on medication for that and she said she was starting to feel more energetic...

I went on an ACAS training day re: sick leave (in small organisations like nurseries, but same things apply I think) and we were encouraged to do Back To Work interviews, talking through semi-formally what the issue had been in the sick leave - but couching it in positive terms eg if it was sickness/diarrhoea, asking if there were any hygiene issues that could be improved; if it was headaches suggesting they see gp. in most organisations ACAS reported a huge reduction in sick leave once these measures were taken up...having said that, if it persists you can dismiss someone for being off too much, even if it's for sickness (depending on what it says in their contract, and as long as you treat all employees in the same manner)

bundle thanks for the input. We do talk about it when she's been off sick and she seems to put most times down to dodgy food, but surely then you'd think she'll stay off it. I'm suspecting she has very sensitive 'innards' (maybe as a result of thyroid? no idea in that field).

I think that when her sickness is affecting your work, and hence your income, it is time to consider other arrangements. Really, I feel for this girl, but how long can you on like this? You have been far more patient than I could afford to be. If my nanny was sick this much, I would have no choice but to let her go. I simply couldn't afford it.

I have employed a nanny for two years (not the same one the whole time) and in those two years there has been a grand total of one sick day.

I completely agree with Uwila on this one. Being a nanny is very hard work with long hours and you really cant afford to get sick that much as you are letting the parents down and their work suffers. I work even when i'm ill and it's not great but my bosses have very demanding jobs so i understand i have to.

You seem very sympathetic but maybe she needs another career that isn't quite so physically demanding. In nearly 12 years of nannying i've only had 1 day off work sick, you have to be reliable because usually the families are struggling to pay the extra nanny salary.

I would definately sit down and chat with her you have every right to. If she worked in any other sort of enviroment her manager would have done it long ago. Being off sick every month seems such alot to me. Hope it all goes well.

thanks nannyj, it's good to have a nanny's perspective :)I'll see whether she's back tomorrow and if not have a chat on Monday.

I vaguely remember that once she mentioned on the side that having a day off never was a problem when she was in catering as she could usually swap with someone. Maybe that's when my alarm bells should have gone off?

Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I think "dodgy food" is a lame excuse. Either she has something seriously wrong with her (if she is throwing up, might it be gallstones or coeliac disease or something?), in which case she needs to get it sorted or she just can't physically cope with the job and needs a few days rest each month. If you're sure she's not taking the piss, that is.

And as she used to work in catering, I'm afraid I think the "dodgy food" line is even more of an excuse. She should be able to prepare food hygienically if that was her job, and if things like chillies upset her, then she should have the sense not to eat them.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've employed nannies for 8 years and can count on one hand the number of sick days I've had to cover myself.

MrsSchadenfreude :) it's dodgy food when she's had take-away so I agree with 'then don't eat it' :) Was thinking anyway that come September when dd starts full time school I might go into a nanny share as there are several families at nursery with the same age differential, so some of the nannies will only have one charge left. Now to wonder whether they'd be happy to look after 2 2 year olds LOL but that's another thread totally

I am a Nanny, and if it were me I would much rather you discuss it with me. You sound really nice so I doubt there will be a problem with you asking, either way there is a problem with the Nanny. Either medically, or if she doesnt want to work, then there is a problem with why doesnt she want to work.
I would try to come accross as very concerned and worried about her, rather than worrying about days off.
Hope it goes well

had a chat with my nanny today along the lines that I can see that she's ill and it seems to be a semi regular thing and whether she has any idea what's causing it, prompting for food, stress, personal problems (also adding that the latter is of course none of my business), asking whether she's well enough to look after kids today as she still looke rough, anything that upsets her at our place etc. So very sympathetic and given lots of angles for her to 'justify' (can't think of a better word).

She said it could be food or her medication but isn't sure. Also said that her GP always puts it down to slight food poisoning, so he's pretty useless. Even I would smell a problem if I were a GP and had a patient that comes at least once a month with the same symptoms... told her to persevere. She's going to go private when she's home next (not from the UK) as it's cheaper there, so she's showing willingness to sort herself out, but not sure when that's going to be...

Still obvsiously that doesn't help me with my situation. It's very frustrating even though my boss is very sweet and doesn't make an issue of me sometimes not showing up due to child care problems.

Still not sure how I'm going to address the over all situation... any suggestions?

Was thinking of having another chat with her tonight, making my boss the ogre... along the lines 'I got a bollocking because xyz and obviously it needs to be addressed'

I know, the chicken way out to blame my boss but I'm so not assertive when it comes to that kind of confrontation.

Your nanny doesn't seem that bothered that she is this ill. Are you sure she isn't pulling a swift one, she may just be tired and not able to drag herself in. I look rough most of the time but thats just because i have a long day.

Can she not go to another doctor in this country? What sort of hours and duties does she do with you? Maybe it's too much for her. You seem really nice and she seems to be taking the you know what to be honest. Definately bring it up again and if it doesn't change i would have a rethink about whether she is the best person for the job. Your kids deserve someone who has enegy and a vitality for life.

thannks nannyj

I think my nanny is bothered by it but also resigned to the fact that the doctors don't seem to pay much attention. Which I sort of can sympathise with because I've got health problems and it took ages to be seen by specialists and then the found something but then nothing (well basically they don't have a clue so it's nothing iykwim). Told her to 'scream' a bit more loudly and make a fuss... don't know whether she's going to follow that suggestion. Then again I always try to see the best in people and she might just be taking the p...

She does 7.5h 5 days a week. Used to do 10h/4 days a week but my schedule changed and she was quite happy with that because 10h with my little monsters is hard work :)

She is active with them, takes them to the park everyday and plays lots.

I'm such a whimp... maybe I should just let dh loose on her? Now how cowardly would that be?

You should def let Dh loose they have to be useful for something . I work on average 65 to 70 hours a week with 3 children you just have to look after urself and get enough sleep. But i do feel for her if it's something really bad but i know i would make a real fuss at the doctors if it was stopping me working. Good luck.

blimey nannyj... that's a long week, with 3 kids!!! I'm shattered after a weekend with my 2

Im useless with confrontation too, its a good job im a Nanny and not a parent with a Nanny!!
Id try the tactic of, 'im just wondering when you plan to get a check up back home, because a:your doing a great job, i know its hard work, and im feeling that maybe were responsible for you being ill - if its tiring etc. (i know this isnt true but sounds nicer), and b, my boss is starting to get a bit funny about the time im having off to cover you being ill, and im worried about my job.
All fails, then let dh loose!!!

In 17+years as first a nanny and now a maternity nanny i have had 7 sick days including 2 days recovering from surgery downstairs, 2 other days were food poisoning while out with then boss and 3 days for tonsillitus.

I would be mortified to have so much time off.

You sound like a fab employer and wished i had worked only 7.5 hrs x 4 days with 2 littlies, i like nannyj used to do 10-12hr days x 5 with sometimes 3 under 4y.

You work even if your a bit under the weather and have a quiet day.

I would advise a serious sit down with her and a written agenda detailing your concerns.

She seems way to laid back in regard to this issue.