CMclub...Help needed with DDs thoughts to mindees

[HenniPenni]

This is breaking my heart, DD aged 11 and hormonal has got it in to her head that I think more of my mindees than I do of her. It started as a simple thing that has escalated out of proportion.

She is having probs at school with friendships, group dimanics keep changing etc (all in year six an going to different schjools in Sept apart from her two best friends).

She keeps saying things like you're always to tired to do things with us when x,y or z have gone home, which in essence is true,as have to do our evening meal,homework help etc, baths.
We do try to do things at the weekend as a family but usually end up having to do things like housework, ironing, shopping etc as we don't get time in the week.

I know lot of it is hormonal but it's breaking my heart to see her so miserable, especially as I gave up a decent responsible job that i hated but paid well to spend more time with my DDs.

Sorry if iot's a bit of a ramble but just neede to get it off my chest.

sorry about sp

My kids too sometimes think I spend more time doing things with/for mindees and can feel hurt. Funnily its my 6 year old ds that complains more than my 11 year old dd.
I just try to explain that I am paid to be nice to mindees and do things with them where as I do things with/spend time with my kids cos they are all mine and I love them (I know this makes me sound horrible, I'm not really, its just how I try to explain it to my kids).
We have a kind of 'after school rota' where each child (mindees and my own) take turns to choose an activity that they want to do and then we all join in and do it, this usually makes them all feel important on 'their day'.
Don't know if any of this helps but I do sympathise with you, I think in some ways your kids do miss out when you are a cm and thats why I always book the day off work for sports day, school plays etc so that on these special days they get my undivided attention.

Thanks Feelingold, your post made me feel a bit better, I think that basically she is having trouble at school, I think that when she falls out with one particular friend she ends up being sent home with tummyache, dizzyness and feeling sick (she has problems with dizzyness and knows that the teacher will panic incase she passes out- so gets sent home!), Maybe she's just sounding off at home -but it still upsets me.
It's getting to the stage where I want to really give up my afterschoolies but can't afford too (surely they must notice an atmosphere)

I think this is one of the most difficult parts of childminding-trying to find the balance between my children and mindees. I have 5 children of my own, dd 2, dd6, dd12, dd15 and ds19 and must admit I do feel torn, especially when they come out of school and all want to talk. I just try to make them take turns and treat mindees as my own-but this doesn't always go down too well with my own! The two eldest don't seem to be affected too much as they are quite independant of course,but the three younger children do find it difficult at times. I do think that it's a good idea to take holidays for sports day etc as this is something that I haven't done-only been minding 'properly' for approx 12 months so still finding my feet as to what is best to do for everyone. I hope you can find a solution with your daughter.

I think it can be hard for your own children to actually accept that you are working, simply because you are at home and doing normal, mummy-type stuff, but with other children too. If you worked full-time outside the home, you'd still come back and have to do the housework and shopping.

My youngest children were 8 when I started minding, and thoroughly enjoyed it at first - lots of babies to coo over, or other schoolchildren to play with. However, they've also had a few blips as they've got older (particularly the hormonal years!), as my job rather dominates our home (toys and equipment everywhere, endless piles of paperwork etc.) And they obviously didn't always necessarily like all the children I've minded either!!

However, they did seem to appreciate that I was always there to watch school plays, sports day etc. They had more fun in school holidays as we were out and about far more (safari parks, picnics etc.) And I was always there to pick them up from school. And now I pay for their petrol and mobile phones!!

I didn't ever insist that they had to play with minded children, didn't make them share toys, and always had (and still have) two weeks off in the summer for a family holiday and two weeks off over Christmas for "family time".

Although not a childminder I am going through the exact same thing with my 10 year old DD who is also struggling with growing up, and the girls in her class are absolute bitches at times it just makes me want to cry when she is so miserable or she turns into stroppy mare which then ends up with us fighting and her telling me i don't love her and only love DS. I work full time so try to make weekends fun but homework plus general day to day suff often gets in the way