Your tips for getting off to a good start with a au pair (first time host)

[CobOnTheCorn]

We have an au pair arriving on Monday. She is from Germany, quite young (18) and seems very keen.

I won't be at work while she looks after DC but I might not always be in the house.

After reading threads about various disagreements or surprises I thought I'd ask for some advice on how to start the host/au pair relationship.

Oh and as an aside I'm really confused about holidays - there seems to be some contradictory advice. Can anyone shed some light for me?

I would spend a few days with her showing her around, letting her know what exactly you expect from her and getting to know her a bit, see how she gets on with your children, etc.

I always tell them to let us know if there's any issue so that we can work things out.

Holidays - yes, lots of different opinions, I work for an embassy so we have days off that are not holidays here in UK. On top of that I give her 3 weeks paid holidays (preferably 2 of those at Christmas).

Thanks verap. Do you have a written contract as well?

No contract but I think it's a good idea to write everything down - her job description, what she does on day to day basis, etc.

I would write a contract -- especially for a German. I have had two Germans, and they were both great. They are very straight forward and follow instructions well (Really well... I love Germans :-)). Also, their English is excellent.

I would also make sure you have a complete set of house rules. There are lots of examples on here. Just search.

Get gobs and gobs of local information together and give it to her (local transport, where the kids' friends live, local activities, etc.) Also show her non work stuff to do.

Our welcome pack usually includes:
-transport info (and buss pass)

• maps of local stuff for work (school, GP, Starbucks, etc.)
• A starbucks card with £20 (for her use as a welcome present, not to spend on the kids)
• I arrange meet ups with other au pairs / nannies if she wants me to.

I guess what goes in the pack depends on where you live.

Thanks Strix I'll have a look. I started to draft some but not sure how to pitch them.

i also took ours shopping to pick up new bedding and towels. whilst there we did family shop and she got things she liked. this all really helped.

If you want a contract I have one I'm happy to share on the understanding I'm not an employment lawyer! I'm of the opinion that if you follow UK employment law (in the UK obviously) they don't have anything they can hold against you if things go wrong. There have been cases of au pairs going to court and various judgements giving them the rights of workers, so although they may be special cases the precedents are definitely there.

Other than that I agree with everything strix said.

Thanks Nom I would like a copy - shall I PM you my email address?

Protecting us against any claim sounds sensible. I'd also like to give her the comfort/security that a contract can provide.

Nom could I have one too. My au pair is arriving early September.

Hi,
Strix pretty much covers it all in her post.

Apart from the contract I also give them house rules/this is how we live type of document. It just explains how our household works. (I am happy to email them if you pm me your address).

I always put a bunch of flowers in their room before they arrive and a basket with toiletries.
Also, point her to aupairinuk.com. Our au pairs have found lots of friends there.
Take interest in their interests and see if there are any courses locally that they might be interested in doing, be it language, photography etc.

Give them as much paid holiday as you can afford beyond the minimum required, things like that go a long way I have found.
Give them plenty of notice for babysitting. If you have a set day on which they babysit and then for some reason you don't need them that evening, let them know as early as you can so they can plan their time.

If you are happy to let them add on the household food shopping list what they would like you to get (within reason).
Make it clear to them that this is their home too and that you want them to be comfortable and happy and that you are happy to talk to them if they feel unhappy/uncomfortable about anything.

It may seem obvious but happy au pair = happy children so it is worthwhile making a good effort.

My experience has so far been fantastic! We are on our second au pair, she has been with us 18 months and is staying at least six more (first one stayed a year as agreed) and it is just lovely seeing the sweet relationship she has with my daughter.

With the holidays the legal position is a bit confusing, but you don't need this to be a reasonable employer. How would you like to be treated? How would you like your DC to be treated? Do that!

Feel free to send email addresses via PM. We're on holiday ATM so I may or may not have a copy on email (should do) but will send to anyone who wants!