Would you hire an Au Pair who has a boyfriend back home?

[MGMidget]

I've read threads about homesick au pairs missing their boyfriend they've left behind in their home country. I've also had one previous au pair who we almost lost just before she was due to arrive with us because her boyfriend threatened to dump her if she went. She'd already told us in interview that she and her boyfriend were used to spending long periods in different countries and it wasn't a problem - clearly it was for him! Fortunately for us she chose us and not him and stayed for 9 months! I'm in Au Pair recruitment phase again and I am considering two strong candidates who both have boyfriends back home and are both saying its definitely not going to be a problem! I'm wondering who would risk it for a good au pair and also for those of you who have taken an au pair previously who had a boyfriend back home did it work out OK? Or did they get homesick and go home early? I'm looking for an au pair who can stay for 10-12 months. Would you rule out an au pair with boyfriend back home if you were looking for that length of commitment to the job? Thanks for your advice!

Are you willing to have the boyfriend over to stay?

Our last au pair had a boyfriend back in her home country. It was not an issue at all. She was with us for a year. There were on skype often and he came over to visit 3-4 times (and stayed for a weekend) and she went back in her holidays and it didn't seem to be a problem for them.

drinkyoumilk - a good point. We haven't allowed boys to stay previously and it hasn't been an issue. I can see it could be in this type of situation though. My starting point (which I would make clear before offering the job) would be no boys staying overnight but can suggest local reasonably priced hotels. Then once we got to know him we might relax that rule.

I definitely wouldn't rule it out. Our current au pair (German, 20 years old) leaves tomorrow after her planned time of 6 months, and has a boyfriend back home. She talks to him a lot on Skype and sure, she misses him, but she never considered going back home early because she has made this decision to come here and is sticking with it. She's strong, and I think that's a necessary trait for anyone who decides to live away from home in a foreign country when they don't fully speak the language. I guess some others might not as strong but I wouldn't use having a boyfriend as a deciding factor. In fact, it probably shows some stability.

He has been to stay twice. Every host family is different on their attitude to that but we have no problem with it as she's an adult and we are not religious. In fact, we were on holiday - the deal was that he didn't get to have the key and he was not allowed to be in the house alone. We had to put some trust in our au pair to make good decisions - but the way I see it, I trust her every day with the most important thing in the world to me - my son. So if I can trust her with him then any threat from a boyfriend in the house pales into insignificance.

It does mean that we haven't had to deal with random new boyfriends, which is a plus! I would be less sure of visitors of the short-term kind as someone she doesn't know well could scam her and therefore us too - hopefully not a bridge we'll have to cross with our next au pair. I'm more worried that she DOESN'T have a boyfriend, because she might meet one (or two...) here...

Thanks for comments so far. One of the two au pairs has convinced me she's thought it through and is strong enough.

Well the au pair who convinced me she had thought everything through has since told me her boyfriend and family are putting pressure on her not to take a job like this as its too long a period! So I guess my first suspicions were right and the scenario it turning out to be the same as with a previous au pair. She's now painting a very tenuous picture, telling me her doubts and then saying she wants the job! Glad I hadn't formally offered her the job, only indicated I was thinking of offering it and asking what she thought of us. If someone is blowing hot and cold like this would you still offer the job? She's being pretty honest about the situation which is good (and much better than simply not showing up at the airport) but I suspect I won't be able to stand the roller-coaster of the uncertainty as to whether she's going to suddenly quit on me!

Would you consider flying her over for a trial weekend to see if you get on as that might give you a better idea if she is right for you? These days with skype etc it is easier for them to keep in touch with everybody, but perhaps she has never been away from home before ? It is a big move for a young person to make and some will cope better than others, in a way it is like going off to uni in another country. I worried about my kids being so far away from home( they were fine btw) so I can understand her parents concerns and I think she is just being honest about things. HTH.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and update you. We were about to go on holiday and so was the prospective au pair so I suggested we both think about things and discuss when back. Since our return she has contacted me asking if she can come for a shorter time as her family want her back to work in their business from June. I've decided no - we were clear from the first contact about the time frame we were looking for (approx 12 months) which she said she could do. In this case I realise the problem is more than just the boyfriend now so I'm going to pass on her. The good thing about AP World is there's always a new supply of Au Pairs to consider so I'll keep searching!