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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Changing into pyjamas for daytime naps.

22 replies

EleanorHandbasket · 02/07/2013 13:49

When I started looking after my niece at ten months(now 18 months), my sister said that I was to strip her down to her vest and put her in a grobag for her daytime naps.

I said that I felt that would take too much time away from the other mindees, and she said, well, if you can get her to settle without a grobag then that's up to you. So for the past 8 months she has gone down for a good two or three hr daytime nap for me, fully clothed, and I thought no more about it.

I'm the last week or so she's been asking me if I have her grobag, I don't think I ever did (it would have gone home in her bag) but she's adamant I had one for here. Tbh she might be correct in that, but I have a similar aged ds and we were given dozens of grobags, which we never used. These have all been charity shopped or passed on.

I will obviously replace this one. But my sister started having a real go at me, because she now says that as far as she was aware I have been putting her down for naps with it AS SHE TOLD ME TO and that I shouldn't have disobeyed her.

Anyway. I am concerned that I have lost all sense of perspective and reason here. Help me out. Would you change a toddler into nightwear for a daytime nap? Bearing in mind I have three other preschoolers (her sibling and my ds as well as one other)?

It would mean that if I have to wake her for the school run (often), I'd have to do it ten minutes earlier in order to dress her again. And it could cause issues with the others (I can imagine ds2 demanding pj's for his nap too). And plus the fact it's an insane thing to do.

What do you think?

I explained again that taking ten minutes away from the other mindees to undress DN and put her in pj's, when it was unnecessary, wasn't something I was prepared to do. I admit to being a bit bloody minded about it as this was one of several demands that were over the top (stripping her down for meals so she doesn't get dirty, having them ready to walk out the door as soon as she comes home (she's always late, so not sure how that would work), sending them with a packed lunch and checking the contents and grilling me about why something is uneaten and so on)

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ReetPetit · 02/07/2013 13:59

I think you've posted about her before - she sounds utterly ridiculous - sorry to say that as I know she's your sister. i'd tell her to like it or lump it - she won't find another cm who will 'obey' her rules - you have been lenient with her already.

Original poster

EleanorHandbasket · 02/07/2013 14:02

I have posted about her lots before.

I'm actually stopping cming completely in a few weeks, in great part down to how hard I'm finding her.

I'm just idly pondering, really, whether this particular demand is in fact totally normal and I'm just being bloody minded.

OP posts:

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 02/07/2013 14:04

It's not you, she's weird.

Everyone I know puts toddlers down for a nap in their clothes, in a not completely dark room. Different to going to bed at night. By 18m both of mine were in normal beds so we didn't use grobags, they are walking

maja00 · 02/07/2013 14:06

I don't see why it would take 10 minutes or time away from any other children to put a child in a grobag but it's your setting, so if you feel you cannot accomodate a parent's request you need to tell them that so they can decide how important it is to them.

Personally I would always take a child's trousers off and leave them in a t-shirt and either a grobag or blanket for naps, just because I feel sleeping in jeans or whatever would be uncomfortable. It takes about 2 minutes to do. However, this is as a nanny and in nursery, so maybe it is completely different for a childminder.

Original poster

EleanorHandbasket · 02/07/2013 14:10

Well maybe ten minutes is an exaggeration. But time, anyway.

Half the time she's with me she sleeps either in the car or the pushchair, I'm not sure what my sister would have me do then.

OP posts:

bellamysbride · 02/07/2013 14:12

Don't see that it is a big issue either way really. Doesn't take a sec to put a grow bag on and take of trousers but also no biggy to go down for a daytime nap with clothes on. Agree with Maja on the comfort aspect though.

ReetPetit · 02/07/2013 14:13

I wouldn't do it and neither would any of the cms I know! you are not being unreasonable!! well done to you in giving up - what is she going to do now??

maja00 · 02/07/2013 14:14

It sounds like it is your sister's demands in general that is the problem rather than the grobag particularly? If you had felt inclined to accommodate this request from another parent for example I'm sure you could just have the grobag already in the cot, take her trousers off when you change her nappy before nap or lunch, and then it would take no more time away from the other children than just using a blanket.

Poledra · 02/07/2013 14:15

Nope, you're not being unreasonable. I used to ask my CM to maybe slip off trousers, especially if they were cords/jeans, as I thought they might uncomfortable to sleep in but otherwise, they napped in their clothes, whether with me or CM.

Mind you, I was High Maintenance Parent in other ways - my babies went to sleep in my arms and my CM did do this at first with all of them Once they were toddlers, she was much better than me at putting them down awake and letting them drop off by themselves. Thinking on this, though, she did ask me first if I was happy for her to gradually introduce this change to their routine. As she had a good reason for it (babies will drop off in a busy living room in someone's arms, toddlers not so much), I happily agreed but I'm not sure I'd've been so happy if she'd instigated this change without asking.

5madthings · 02/07/2013 14:16

I change my dd to her pj's for her nap but she is my dd, if she is left with friends I don't expect them to!

I do it as I feel she will be more comfortable and only when she goes to bed for her nap, so if she sleeps in car or pushchair she us just in regular clothes.

I wouldn't expect a child minder or nursery to change her for her sleep and they never did for ds1 when he went to nursery and it never occurred to me to ask!

Leviticus · 02/07/2013 14:23

I take bottoms off and put in a grobag but when they're at my mum's or mil's I couldn't care less what they do.

I'd be secretly annoyed if you'd given away one of my sleeping bags but I'd get over it and would tell you not to worry about it.

breatheslowly · 02/07/2013 14:51

DD's nursery used to take off dresses, tights and trousers for naps, so it is "done" but we never did at home.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2013 18:00

i have worked for mums in temp jobs who want to take clothes off and put in grobags - i did it but was time consuming

i like grobags, but dont normally take clothes off for daytime nap, but make sure have a light gro bag so dont over heat

obv night time is different

Reinette · 02/07/2013 18:08

I'm a nanny with only one child to care for and I don't even change him into PJs for daytime naps. Silly waste of time and not exactly a child's favorite activity either. If my charge is in dressier clothes (rare, but for example on Easter) I'll switch him into something more comfortable before he naps, but he'll wear those clothes the rest of the day after he gets up.

minderjinx · 02/07/2013 18:14

I put small babies in growbags, but toddlers sleep in their clothes. Parents know that and wouldn't put them in anything uncomfortable like stiff jeans, and if a little one is just about dropping off, for example in the car, the last thing you want to do is wake them up again by getting them undressed, you just want to get them lying down with the absolute minimum of fuss.

It's not just the growbag issue though is it? If any parent started telling me I TOLD you to do this, I TOLD you to do that, I'd be put out. If my sister did it I would tell her exactly what I thought of her attitude (and I probably wouldn't have started looking after her children in the first place if I thought she was that sort). It would be a shame if her attitude led you to give up a career which otherwise suits you. Why don't you just let her go elsewhere and find someone else to care for?

valiumredhead · 02/07/2013 18:23

What a rude woman!

I just used to take ds's trousers off and jumper but quite often in the summer when he was in light clothes I didn't bother.

MojitoMagnet · 02/07/2013 18:39

Not a CM here but you sound thoroughly reasonable, and your sister very unreasonable. It's completely normal for daytime naps to be in ordinary clothes (removing trousers/dress or other layer if it's hot weather might be reasonable).

I suspect that the control-freakery is an acting out of general insecurity about leaving her DD and going off to work. By giving reams of instructions, she feels that she's still taking responsibility for her DD's wellbeing (albeit at a distance) and this therefore asuages the (unnecessary imo) guilt that she feels (possibly unconsciously).

CharlieCoCo · 12/07/2013 22:09

as a nanny i take their trousers off (and socks) and put in a grow bag. so yes they are just in top half (take off sweater if wearing that). my eldest one whos in a bed/duvet takes off his trousers and nursery sweater and socks are optional . it doesnt take any longer to pull off trousers/socks as usuallt changing nappy then anyway or if im not then i am when they get up, so i dont get how it would take time away from the other children and surely they should be able to have that 'time' away from you. ob in buggy/car they stay fully clothed but sleeping in jeans/jumpers etc cant be comfy. also grow bag/blanket over is more comfy/warm than just putting a fully clothed child in a bed with nothing over.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 12/07/2013 22:12

I put mine in gro bags for naps when they were younger - helped them understand it was sleep time and they couldn't climb out of the cot!

If she sleeps fine without though, seems unecessary.

Lala29 · 13/07/2013 00:53

I always take trousers/jeans off and put in Grobag (dd is 21 months). Sometimes in the summer when it's Tshirt weather but cooler inside, I'll change her into pj top, so she has long sleeves.

However, she is my DD and I have time to do it (plus I want her to sleep as long as poss and so be comfy as I want my break!). When she is at the CM, I couldn't care less what she does. So long as I know DD gets a proper rest in the day, that's all that matters. How it's achieved is really not my problem in her setting.

BadSkiingMum · 18/07/2013 07:42

Real-ly/ity, I think that you should not stop childminding but need to have an honest conversation with your sister.

I did put my son down in a grow bag for naps, but I just popped it on over clothes...

forevergreek · 18/07/2013 17:14

I take off bottom layer and on winter take off thick jumper and add pj top. In grobag.

I always change nappy before nap or get them to go to the toilet so the bottom half is off anyway. When they wake I change again and toilet again, so it makes sense.

Otherwise surely if you don't and they hae just slept 2 hours then you will need to change not long after when inconvient ie on school runs

I do think you should be able to find time to change tbh. Otherwise I would worry you didn't have time to change nappy as well as other things

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