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Difficult Children

5 replies

cherriesjubileeeeee · 01/07/2013 10:14

I've been in my new Nanny job for a few weeks now and it's really getting me down.

The children are 7 and 5 and I collect them from school and also have them on school holidays.

I'll give an example of some of their behaviour:

They never say 'please' or 'thank you', they just demand things eg "I want a snack." "Can you cut me some bread?"

They argue with everything I say. When they have been eating constantly from the minute they get home from school, I say 'Ok, that's the last snack." They say "No it's not." It's a constant battle of wills.

They talk disgustingly - the 5 year old often tells me "I've done a wet fart." He's not saying this to be amusing - he genuinely has accidents and calls them this!

They have told me "It's two against one." Meaning them against me!!!

The 7 year old talks to me in a very derogatory manor, very sarcastic - more like a stroppy teen than a little boy.

They fight constantly - the older child is a bully who hits his brother non-stop and when the younger one cries he says mockingly "Oh are you sad?" (I am making dealing with this a priority as I don't tolerate bullying).

On top of this, they are the most joyless children I have ever worked with in my long career. They rarely smile, are very sullen and don't have that playful character you'd expect of a young child.

Their favourite hobbies are to read maps, listen to classic fm and read factual books and Shakespeare.

Also I cook what their parents ask me to for them. This is always very bland food, like (as a meal) plain boiled rice, sweetcorn, hotdogs and ketchup. Or plain pasta with cheese grated on top and uncooked carrots.

I'm really thinking of leaving. What should I do? (The money is good, however, about average for North London).

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MUM2BLESS · 01/07/2013 12:33

Sorry to hear your having a hard time.

I am a childminder, but I hope what I have written will still help.

Is this your first nanny job? are your their first nanny? sometimes children react in a certain way because they pferef to have mum and dad istead of someone else, which is understandable.

Why go through this all by yourself. I would have a chat with mum and let her know your concerns. If she is supportive then this will make your life easier, if not then, maybe that's not the place for you.

The children will play you up big time, if you do not nip this in the bud in the early stages.

I am sure the other nannies can give you further support on MN

All the best with this.

annh · 01/07/2013 13:02

Was going to ask all the same questions as Mum2Bless. They sound like quite unpleasant children, I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't had a procession of nannies.

After the first few weeks, I think it would be good practice to sit down with the mum anyway to talk things through generally. I would be quite upfront about the behaviours you find difficult to deal with and ask mum how she deals with them. If the parents are not going to support you, honestly you might as well throw the towel in now before the holidays which will be horrendous if you have to put up with this kind of behaviour all day.

Runoutofideas · 01/07/2013 13:14

Ah - I feel a bit sad for the children. Obviously it is not your fault that they are hard work, but it sounds to me like a common reaction from children who have been passed around a number of different child carers, often with unsuccessful results.
7 and 5 year olds are still quite young children and I think you need to win them round at the same time as imposing some consistent boundaries. Maybe get them to write out some "house rules" with you so that their ideas are taken into account and then put them up on a wall somewhere obvious. I would concentrate on the things that are really winding you up currently.

With regard to the problems you state - "Please" and "thank you" is quite an easy one to solve. If they want a snack they don't get one until they have said "please" and if they don't say thank you when you put it in front of them then take it away again. This will only work if they have previously bought into it as one of the rules, otherwise you will just antagonise them and cause tantrums. if you say what it is the last snack, just ignore the "no it's not" and don't give them anything else. They will soon get used to you meaning what you say.

The "disgusting" talk, I would ignore. it is clearly what he has learned to say from someone, possibly a parent and he's not doing it for effect. I would be more concerned as to why he is having these accidents at the age of 5.

The way the 7 year old speaks, trying to identify emotions and the "sullen, joyless" character you describe, as well as the detailed, unusual hobbies and interests, is ringing alarm bells for me for ASD. Obviously I am not trying to diagnose over the internet, but it may be worth considering that something else may be at the root of this.

The food I wouldn't panic about. it doesn't sound so bad that you need to be concerned about it. Choose your battles carefully.

The children sound like they need understanding. Try being interested in their hobbies with them, or asking them for ideas about activities they would enjoy. Maybe use one of these as a treat if they follow the "house rules".

Hope you don't mind my suggestions and good luck with finding some more common ground with them.

CharlieCoCo · 12/07/2013 22:24

i cant offer advice on the difficulties and bullying as im currently in my hardest job with bullies for children, but maybe you could work the map reading to your favour. make treasure maps (pirates are the 'in thing' atm) or give him a map of the area and plan something or ask him to find where something is. a shared hobby might mellow him a bit or at least distract him from his disruptive behaviour. im hoping when mine are old enough to read and write it will give them more distractions and they will be easier to manage. good luck. i know how hard it is and have pleanty of sympathy.

sweetsummerlove · 13/07/2013 12:45

These sound like hard work..hugs to you. .nor enjoying your job is miserable. It sounds like you and the parents need to come up with a plan which can be carried through both sides. .you can't keep dealing with it if the parents aren't pulling them up on it. lack of manners and bullying are massive bug bears for me, I won't tolerate either.

They sound very disrespectful and a bit spoilt imo.

Sit down with the children, make a list of things they enjoy with them, talk about their interests and days out etc. Then..make a list of your expectations. Explain how it makes you sad when they don't say thank you or hit one another. ..Round it off with an explanation that the things they enjoy are a result of good behaviour, it won't change overnight and will need a lot of patience and reminding but it might help.

decide if you're in it for the long haul and are prepared for it. . if not find a new family x

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