11yr old at CM 'bullying' my ds 6 - how to approach?

[harryhausen]

I'd like some Childminders advice on this as I'm quite upset and probably not rational.

If one of your parents came to you with a worry that one of your older charges (11) was 'bullying' in so much as teasing, bossing, not letting a child play, seeking out the younger child (6) to tell off, criticise, laugh at etc how would you feel? Would you think the parent was over reacting hugely?

This is happening to my ds, so he and my dd tell me. They have been going to their CM since they were babies. The older girl in question is dd of your best friend who can seemingly do no wrong.

My ds has been hugely upset recently after coming home. I feel that if I mention it my CM will say "oh he's a bit of a nightmare because he argues so much" (he does). However, because he's often argumentative I feel like he's 'blamed' every time there's a issue. I feel like she won't listen.

At the moment I feel like walking away from 9 years of happy childcare. I don't know what to say to phrase it well without sounding like a paranoid/rose-tinted spectacled parent

Any thoughts?

Please do mention it, bullying is not on. I'd take it very seriously and I have a policy on how I would deal with it.

The older girl is child of your best friend or child minder's best friend. If it were my best friend, I would go to the parent.

Thanks for the replies. The older girl is in my CM care, but she is the dd of the CM's best friend (although I know the mum too).

I feel really awkward bringing it up, but I guess I'll have to.

As a childminder I'd certainly take the situation seriously, regardless of my relationship to one of the parents. Even if I had a slightly different take on the situation to the parents I would still make sure I listened to them and worked out a strategy to deal with it that everybody was happy with.

I think you have to at least give the childminder a shot at sorting this out, if you've known her for so long can you have a pretty frank (by that I mean honest not rude) conversation? Tell her how upset your son is and that you're not sure you can continue to use her unless the situation is resolved.

Even if your child is 'an argumentative nightmare' he is only 6 and a childminder should be helping him to negotiate relationships with the other children, especially if they are causing this much upset.

Cross-posted. Please don't feel awkward, dealing with this kind of thing is totally part of the job description for a childminder. Your first loyalty is to your son not the childminder so you owe it to him to try and sort it.

Yes, Ling you're right. Thanks for the advice.

I really hope she doesn't brush me off. I'm awful at stuff like this. Need to grow a thicker skin. In all these years I've never had an issue either with her or at school. I need to grow a pair I think

I would want to know, in fact I'd go so far as to say you would have a duty to tell me.

I would not want any child to feel so unhappy in my care and I would most certainly want to deal very firmly with any incident of bullying.

Please talk to her: both children need you to do this.