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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

After school activities

29 replies

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 12:09

I have an after school nanny who looks after my dds after school. It is complicated as she has her own children (2). I want my daughters to do after school activities from September - do dance after school instead of at the weekend, and a drama club. Am I unreasonable to ask the nanny to do this? It will be inconvenient for her children I realise. However, the kids really want to do these activities. So I guess this is an Aibu? It is in the contract for the role to take the kids to activities but I have held back thus far...

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Runoutofideas · 17/06/2013 13:20

Hmmm - I would talk to her and see if it something her children might like to do too. Tricky, as obviously there will be a cost implication for her if they do. Would she have to sit around with her 2 children on the sidelines while the class went on, or could you come to an arrangement where she dropped them off and either went back for them later, or another parent dropped your children back to the nanny. That might work better as then she can get on with cooking tea etc while they are at the class. Maybe do one class in the week and one at the weekend as a compromise?

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 13:47

It would be impossible to find someone to drop them back. I really need them to do the activities during the week now as the weekends will have something else going on from September. I think one of them she could go and come back, but another she would have to stay. Aargh, very difficult.

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grabaspoon · 17/06/2013 13:51

As a nanny it is my job to take my charges to after school actitivities. So you are within your rights to tell her that your daughters will be doing this activity.

What time is it - will it have a big impact on the children - is it straight from school? Will she have to drop/pick up? Will she need to do tea earlier? Etc -

EasterHoliday · 17/06/2013 13:53

my (perhaps selfish) view is that nannies with own child get the same pay and no childcare costs. they are in an extremely fortunate position. That means they need to make some concessions and taking your children to activities / appointments / hairdressers etc is absolutely part of her job & her professional duties have to come first. It's her problem to deal with how she looks after her children at that time - no different to siblings who have to wait outside a ballet class. You are not BU at all and she needs to work around it.

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 14:11

Thanks- I think I have been too tentative/ wimpy around this thus far and my elder dd has missed out. There was a group my own daughter wanted to go to but nanny indicated it would be inconvenient. Then without asking me she started her dd, taking the last place in the group and causing some inconvenience to my children and the arrangements we have in place. I want to be reasonable but not at the detriment of my kids. Beginning to see lots of disadvantages to the Woc arrangement but never mind... I will give her plent of notice of the activities so if she wants to make other arrangements she can.

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Brownowlahi · 17/06/2013 14:18

That was really unfair of her to take the last place at the group your dd wanted to join. She said it was inconvenient to go, but then took her own child. I would have been really annoyed about that. Do your children have to wait while that group goes on for her dd? You are paying her to look after your children so Yanbu to expect the nanny to take them to groups and clubs.

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 14:20

Yes-I was fuming. They don't have to wait but they are rushing about in and out if the car etc.... Only had about 10 minutes to scoff down tea last week.

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Runoutofideas · 17/06/2013 16:10

That's very different then - I assumed she always too them all home together, rather than dragging your children to her children's activities. I don't think that's on at all!

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 16:22

No... It's not! But it makes it very difficult when there are other children involved because I have to be considerate to their needs. Even though I am the employer and I should be able to dictate terms. But certainly I feel it is not working for me as I would like at the moment.

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Runoutofideas · 17/06/2013 17:50

Maybe if you get more demanding of her then she'll hand in her notice and you can find someone without their own children to do the job you want? Would she be fairly easy to replace? Is it true that she is paid the going nannying rate, or is she substantially cheaper because of the inconvenience? This does make a difference I feel.

ReallyTired · 17/06/2013 18:11

"There was a group my own daughter wanted to go to but nanny indicated it would be inconvenient. Then without asking me she started her dd, taking the last place in the group and causing some inconvenience to my children and the arrangements we have in place."

That is awful. She should not give preferential treatment to her own daughter. If anything your daughter should come first as you are paying her!

It must feel utterly horrid for your daughter to watch another child being taken to an activity that she would have loved to have done. Either both girls should go or the nanny needs to make alternative arrangments.

EasterHoliday · 17/06/2013 18:29

what ReallyTired said. I'm going to point people to this thread hwen they ask if NWOC is a good idea - you're confirming all my prejudices about that kind of arrangement. Can work well when children are very small, but would take a saint not to abuse the employment relationship in their own child's favour.

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 18:54

Yes- I would not do this kind of arrangement again. My dd was so disappointed. So now I want to make sure they are not disadvantaged for September activities.

I would say she is paid about 10% less than going rate. And it is more than 10% inconvenience that's for sure.

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Kiriwawa · 17/06/2013 19:05

I wouldn't care how much cheaper it was if she was prioritising her kids over yours. Sorry, but she's treating you like an absolute mug

BackforGood · 17/06/2013 19:13

Have to agree with others - surely the point of having a Nanny, as opposed to a CM is that you employ them, and part of the deal is that they take your dc where you want them taken, be that a class, and activity, a haircut, or the park. I can't see how she has a leg to stand on tbh.

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 19:23

kiriwawa I think you are right. But it is really difficult when you don't want to make decisions which will have a negative impact on her her children- no matter that she hasn't shown me the same consideration. It's not their fault after all. But thanks all- I need to manage this much better.

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ReallyTired · 17/06/2013 20:03

" But it is really difficult when you don't want to make decisions which will have a negative impact on her her children- no matter that she hasn't shown me the same consideration. "

Working parents have to compromise their children's activites. This should apply to the nanny as much as anyone else.

It is clear that this nanny doesn't care a damn about your daughter's feelings or indeed has any empathy. If she has been in your employment for less than a year it is quite easy to sack her and she has no recourse to an employment tribunal.

Kiriwawa · 17/06/2013 20:14

But it's not your problem if it's having an impact on her children! Right now, you're paying her and your children are the ones that are being ferried about while her kids go to activities that your kids wanted to go to. I know I'm being really blunt but I'm absolutely incensed that she's taking advantage of you like this.

I'm a pretty soft touch but I'm kind until people take the piss. You need to get tough or get shot.

Original poster

Applemartini · 17/06/2013 21:13

Unfortunately she has been employed for over 12 months. Will need to go with the get tough option.

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ReallyTired · 17/06/2013 22:08

"Unfortunately she has been employed for over 12 months. Will need to go with the get tough option."

That is really hard. Has she had a review. Have you set out to her that she is REQUIRED to take your child to extra curricular activites on that day. Prehaps you need to get things in writing.

Sacking someone with more than 12 months service is difficult but not impossible. You need to get a solitor's advice to make everything watertight. (ie. proper warning and a chance to improve etc.)

RikeBider · 17/06/2013 22:27

If I were you I would say:

No taking your children to drop her children off somewhere. Her children tag along with what your children are doing, not the other way round. If she wants her kids to go to activities, she has to arrange for someone else to do that.

You want your children to go to activities - what happens with her children aren't your concern.

BackforGood · 17/06/2013 23:46

I know it's not helpful to you, or this thread, but actually, the more I think about it, the more amazed I am that anyone would pay 90% of whatever it costs to have a Nanny for their 2 children, to have a Nanny that also brings 2 other children to work with her, and then expects to be able to take her children to things your children wouldn't be going to. . Is this normal practice in Nanny employing land ?

drinkyourmilk · 18/06/2013 06:25

Normal practice in would be that the nanny prioritises their charges activities. I've never heard of any nannies doing what this one did. Terrible! Most nannies woc that I know would never work like this.

My advice would be to tell the nanny you have x class for your child/ren. It's not a discussion. Surely she has the skills to entertain the others during the class? Do homework, have a snack, etc.

Original poster

Applemartini · 18/06/2013 12:23

I really appreciate this feedback - I am going to tell her today what my expectations are re activities and I don't want her running her children to activities during her working time. Will let you know how it goes...

OP posts:

Seb101 · 19/06/2013 14:12

How did it go op ??

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