Toilet training with a child minder

[Maryann123]

Can anyone give me some advice . I have a 2yr 5mth old son who is going to a child minder 4 full days a week I want to start toilet training but my childminder is stating that I need to take up to 1 week or more off work and keep him at home to train him. She has said that he needs to be able to tell her when he needs a wee and also he has to be able to stand and use the toilet????. I just wanted to hear from other childminders is this the normal practice? I am willing to take off time from work to start this process but I feel that she is asking for me to train him at home and send him back when he is completely trained?

Parent rather than CM but our CM did toilet training on days when DSs were there, and actually initiated it in the case of DS1. It will be interesting to hear what others say.

when I started tt my son, I just told the childminder and she carried on using the same methods I was doing. wasn't a problem at all for her and he was dry in a week or so anyway.

I'm a cm and would expect them to be near enough dry when I carried it on, so yes I would usually suggest a week off to try and crack it at home.
i would want them to be able to tell me but wouldn't be bothered about standing, my ds sits on the toilet.

Its a lot harder when you have poss 3 little ones then older ones too to keep changing accidents/going to the potty if they're not ready and also not nice to have them having lots if accidents in your home/near other children poss babies crawling round the floor.

Thanks for yr replies it seems to me that my cm has no flexibility at all! I was willing to take off 5 days but she will not except him unless he can say "I need a wee" and the most bizarre is that he is able to stand going to toilet! I am completely stressed and disappointed I thought I had a good relationship with her but its her way or the high way. Surely we are all meant to work together with this next milestone journey? As it is all part if his development. If I put him into nursery they would work with me to toilet train. I wish i could take off 2 wks from work and do it all myself but I have to work the hours I do to pay for everything including the huge childminding fees!. As a qualified nursery nurse myself I know how hard child care workers work but I have always worked alongside parents in partnership.

We started training at the weekend and sent DS to nursery as usual on the Tuesday with loads of spare pants. Nursery carried on with the sticker chart system and encouraged DS to go to the toilet frequently. They were cheerful about accidents and were generally helpful and supportive. I think the CM is being a bit precious expecting you to take a week off work, surely they should expect to be part of the toilet training process?

I have never asked parents to take time off. does she think he is not ready and its her way of putting you off? I don't know why she would want him to stand, I discourage it at first, way too messy! even trained children often don't tell you and need regular reminders so relying on him to tell her seems strange. I think you need to discuss with her again

I took a week off work in the summer and let ds run around with no pants on.
When he went to the childminder she was fab and even went and bought him some special pants to wear at her house.
Don't like the sound of your cm much...can't she just take him to the loo every hour or ask him do you need a wee, not wait for him to tell her.
I'm afraid even if you had 2 weeks off he might not crack it and its an ongoing process which needs her support...

does he have delayed language? i wonder if she is trying to tell you something?

i have a similiar issue with a mindee atm, i have told mum to start when she has a bit of time of as i feel only being with me 1 day a week, with granny another and in nursery the other 3 days it's all going to be too confusing. this little one also has some speech delay and she seems happy to remain in a dirty nappy so i am slightly concerned and would rather mum started her off and i then continue.

i can see her point to a degree, it is difficult if the mindee doesn't have the language and you perhaps feel they are not ready but as he is there 4 days a week i don't think she is being particularly helpful and it may be a sign all is not well on her part. could you maybe take a friday off, start then and over the weekend and maybe the monday too and she then carries on - what days is he with her?

if he is ready he should be dry within a matter of days anyway.

I wouldn't be happy with this as a parent. I would expect to be able to decide when I feel my child is ready and go ahead. Maybe start at at weekend so you have the first couple of days. I'd then expect childminder to continue. I'd want to discuss the approach I'm using, maybe take some tips from her, then have her support my child in toliet training. I'm a nanny and have worked in nurseries. It's part of the job of looking after children. She should be willing to help with this process. It's completely reasonable of you to expect this. She should ask your child if they need the toliet, put them on the potty regularly and deal with any accidents that happen. It's ott in my opinion to ask you to take time off (although lovely if you could take a week off) but many kids need prompting and support with toliet training for weeks. Her expectations are silly imo. I don't particularly like the sound of this childminder. The standing up issue is nothing to do with her. That's for you and your child to decide depending on what works for you both. I'm actually a little shocked by this post. It doesn't matter if she's busy with other kids, she should only take on the number of children she can cope with. Not just when all the children are good and 'easy' but also when they are going through difficult milestones such as weaning, potty training, tantrums etc. Its all part and parcel of working in childcare. While the child is with her it's her job to continue and help with potty training. If she feels your child isn't ready, she should say. But at the end of the day it's not her decision, it's yours. If the childminder won't budge on this issue, I'd look elsewhere. Your child needs support, patience and kindness with toliet training, not someone who may have unrealistically high expectations of him. Good luck with this, it's a tricky situation to deal with, especially if your otherwise happy with childminder xx

I would expect you to start over a weekend, because that should give a clear indication of readiness. I would want him to sit down rather than stand.

It is much harder with a room full of small children, rather than at home on your own and having your own child ruin your carpet and settee is different to someone else's.

Having said that ... I would work with you and encourage him if he's ready and tell you if he's not.

I'm a childminder and would agree with a pp that I would want you to start at the weekend and then if it was a complete nightmare and they were still wetting every single time and making no progress then I would ask you to hold off on training until they are more ready. However, I would not ask you to take time off for it and haven't with any of my mindees, the standing up to wee thing sounds ridiculous! You shouldn't be training if your child isn't able to give any indication that they need to go but even if you train him at home for a week and he asks you every time he might not when he goes back to his childminders, it's probably better if you are training together.

Agreed it is difficult when you have several Children to look after but that's part of childminding, you just need to be honest about your sons progress and you and your childminder need to be realistic, accidents at the beginning she needs to deal with but if he was still wetting 5 or more times a day after a few days then I don't think that would be fair to expect her to continue when she has other children to care for too

Is he actually ready to start toilet training yet?
I think the CM has a cheek asking you to take a week off to toilet train your child, she should be working with you and supporting you in what you decide to do.
She absolutely should not be dictating that he should be standing- doesn't she have a potty?
I do agree with the pps that you need to start it at home over the weekend. If he is ready then it shouldn't be a problem.
Has she got experience of potty training?

Well, my ideal would be that the parent takes a couple of weeks to train their child, that the child is able to tell me when they need the toilet or to go themselves. Would prefer not standing but, if they do, I'd prefer that they direct their flow accurately and do not spray.
Lots and lots of changes of clothes, just in case would be good, too. However, my ideal is no accidents whatsoever and a child who can clean themselves, flush the toilet and wash their hands afterwards, leaving the bathroom clean and tidy and the towel on the rail.

I have toilet trained, or helped to toilet train, over 40 children and I'm still waiting to meet my ideal

It does seem odd that your childminder is insisting on this. I think you need to talk to her - is it possible you've misunderstood?