Unreliable?Tell me what you think

[Beatrixpotty]

Nanny has been working for me for 7 weeks now and does 1 day per week.
I'm on mat leave and have 3 under 4,nanny was to help me out not sole charge when I''m working but I'd hoped she could build up a relationship with DCs and then have sole charge when I start work again.
.She seemed very enthusiastic about the job but didn't have much experience.
A couple of weeks ago I needed a babysitter for 3 hours on a weekend afternoon so 2 DCs could go to a swimming party where I couldn't manage all 3.She agreed to do it,paid as extra hours,but did not turn up.When I rang her she admitted she had totally forgotten but came as quickly as she could,arriving an hour after the time she was needed and it was barely worth it.The DCs missed the swimming bit of the party.I was really surprised she had forgotten as she had been asking for extra babysitting and also if I had friends who wanted any.
She was due to work today.She phoned me last night at 9 on a different phone and said her mobile wasn't working to saying a relative had suddenly died ,she was at the hospital and she wasn't sure when she would leave & what time she would be in this morning.I said fine,I understand,just let me know tomorrow so I can make arrangements,but by 1pm I had heard nothing and took the DCs out.I've just got back to find a note from her,she had turned up.The note said sorry,she had lost my number,her phone still wasn't working,and that it was a very difficult time for her family.
I understand family illness is totally unpredictable and that she needed to be with them instead of with me,that is fine.But losing my phone number(which is also clearly on her contract) and not getting in touch until 1pm,combined with the forgetting to babysit makes me think she is unreliable.
Any views?

Hmm. Id be inclinrd to give the benefit of the doubt for now

I'd probably give her one more chance. I always contact babysitters the day before to confirm (even my very reliable current holiday nanny forgets about dates occasionally) and at least she was honest and told you she forgot.

It is possible with the confusion at the hospital that she didn't have her phone with her, or it ran out of charge.
I think even just showing up on the day her relative died shows committment.

Forgetting babysitting is unfortunate, but we all forget stuff, so wouldn't hold this against her.

As for the hospital incident; sounds very plausible. Family member rushed to hospital, forget phone. At least she rang you. I would have said to her; no worries about tomorrow- be with your family. She said she'd be in touch about coming in the next day, and that turned out to be at 1pm when she popped to your house. I wouldn't have expected her to ring you/ show up to be be honest. I'd have just carried on with my day.

I wouldn't hold these events against her, and I certainly wouldn't label her unreliable. Give her benefit of doubt. Maybe just monitor situation for time being. Hopefully these are isolated incidents.

Gosh op,have a bit of compassion! A family member has died, i don't think anyone's job is top of their priorities, even the prime minister!

She knows you are at home too so its not like you have work to go to.

Give her a chance!!

I do think that sounds a bit unreliable, the babysitting more than the hospital business. Is she quite young? I've had young nannies who basically couldn't say 'no' face-to-face so ended up forgetting stuff. (although if she was keen on babysitting that doesn't make sense)

Make sure she has your number and just reconfirm everything, and see how it goes. Is everything OK apart from that?

Thanks for replies.

Glad I asked.

I saw it as 2 occasions where she had forgotten /failed to communicate in time when we had an agreement.

But you are right,I should have had no expectations at all today given the death in the family.

alimac things are more or less ok but there are a few little things that I'd like to change.
She's a bit late sometimes and lacks a bit of initiative when entertaining 2 year old ,defaulting to TV if he asks when I would prefer reading/activity.I usually say,never mind,it's only a few minutes,or if I come in and the TV is on,say,DS really likes this book,why don't you read it together,and try and guide it like that instead of saying don't so this,don't do that.

I'm a bit surprised as I gave her a break employing her as a nanny,she is young and was desperately keen to get the job and I suppose my expectations were that she would be trying really hard to make a good impression.
She's very pleasant and well-meaning but I'm getting the impression she is a bit scatty.Fine if I'm around ,but I want to know that the DCs are in good hands if I'm not.

How about having a review with her. Focus on what she is doing well, and then set out expectations for the things you would like to change. It's not unreasonable to say something like "I would like the children to go out everyday regardless of weather. Also after looking at research I think its best that we limit tv time, so I'm happy with one programme at the end of the day but would prefer the children to play/read/draw the rest of the time.

Actually she sounds too unreliable to me. I would definitely have a chat with her. I admit I am biased from experience, because I've come across this a number of times with various nannies and babysitters, and the ones who forget appointments in the early days have all turned out to be unreliable in the end. They usually come up with plausible reasons for not turning up or being late, and they tell me how significant/distressing their personal lives are at that point, and no doubt they were true, but equally my life was very distressing as I had to pull out of work commitments.
It depends on your attitude to an unreliable nanny though - some people are OK with it.

I admit I am biased from experience, because I've come across this a number of times with various nannies and babysitters, and the ones who forget appointments in the early days have all turned out to be unreliable in the end.

^THIS^ has been my experience too.

I am not sure what her commitment level is to a one day a week job. I wonder if she carries on with you with the prospect of more days if her attitude would really change. If that's the plan.

I mean - I guess I'd give her another chance too. But I would stop any talk of progressing to more days until you were surer about how she's doing overall.

Sounds unreliable particularly as she is also being late. I'd probably have a serious word with her on her return about your expectations.

But as for this:
She knows you are at home too so its not like you have work to go to.

hardly the point, is it? She has a job, she is expected to turn up

How come she remembered your phone number when she called from a different phone from the hospital, but not the next day?

Thanks again.
Not had a nanny before and appreciate the advice.
I will definitely have a review.
Despite the circumstances and nice though she is, seeds of doubt have been sown.
My gut feeling is than when I go back to work I'll be employing someone else.

I would forget the situation related to the death of a relative but if she lets you down again I would be having serious words and then if again, get rid. If she isn't mature about the responsibilities of having a job I would be wondering if the hospital situation did happen tbh.

Yes she has to commit to her job etc. but at least she did let you know (and even turned up as promised) and I mean come on, a family member died, everyone would be confused and it really wouldn't be my first though 'oh I have to call my boss and explain' after someone I love had just passed away. The being late is an issue of course but who knows, maybe that relative has been very very ill for a long time and she just had to concentrate on that and couldn't fully concentrate on work. Definitely have a chat with her if you feel nothing changes but please bear in mind what just happened in her life.