Is this acceptable?

[Moodymoth]

I have a 2.5 yr old attending a cm twice a week. My CM said he had been kicking at tea time and that she was planning to sit him on his own from now on. I am unsure of whether she meant that she was going to give him warnings if he was misbehaving and then sit him alone or whether she was just going to sit him on his own regardless of his behaviour. I have contacted her to get confirmation but am yet to hear back from her.

I guess my concerns are that how is he going to learn table manners if he is not given the opportunity to sit with others? I totally understand that she also has to ensure the other child is not being hurt or meal times are not being disrupted but I also feel like there is more to this issue.

For example, she said that my son sits really well and behaves nicely at lunchtime when the other 2 older boys arent there. I am not saying I think that my son is not at fault but I feel like maybe the three of them are winding each other up and she appears to struggle managing with the children when she has more than 2 iyswim (based on what she says).

My child is a "normal" 2.5 year old and at mealtimes in our house poor behaviour is challenged appropriately and on the whole he sits down nicely and does not kick or hurt his siblings.

I just feel concerned because I could understand if she had given him warnings (not sure what happened as she did not explain the incident fully) and then put him on his own as no other child should be kicked etc but surely if you just isolate the child regardless of there behaviour then it is not really addressing the issue? What if my son at next meal time is sat alone yet would have been well behaved? is is acceptable to exclude him for something he may do?

Im a bit torn really

You need to talk to your cm

As a nanny I would always put the children eating together but if one was playing up then regardless of situation ie eating / playing with friends /siblings etc

I would say to them that if they did abc then would get one warning - if they did again then would be removed from
The situation

So in your cm case I would sit all together. Warn all children that any silliness then they would sit alone

Hope this makes sense

Thanks for your reply. That makes perfect sense. Thats exactly what I would do-give a warning first not just sit him elsewhere at the start of every meal.

I will bring this up with cm but I feel like this is going to end up with me changing childcare as there is a few issues tbh

Sounds like you are not happy there anyway

What other issues?

My main issues are

-She can be v judgemental/make comments eg moaning about other parents
-She seems to be quite negative about my son
-She keeps questionning info my docs have said eg like she knows best. my son suffers with a bad chest at times.doc was happy with his chest at check up as was I but she was texting me going on that doc was fobbing me off
-She doesnt have a good grasp of developmental milestones (based on things she has said)

sounds petty but the judgemental comments are unprofessional& rude

In situations like you describe when children misbehave, a good early years practitioner will reflct on the situation and decide what they can change about how they approach it, i.e it is the environment and how the practitioner deals with the child that needs addressing.
A bad one will simply blame the child
and to be honest, she doesn't sound great, all of those issues make her sound as if she doesn't really enjoy her job and hasn't got the personal skills and qualities needed to be a good at her job.
Is she qualified at all?

Shes been a qualified cm for 2ish yrs. We were aquaintances before she became my cm. She seems enthusiastic about days out etc but is moany. I feel unsure as my children are pleased to see her etc but my gut instinct is she is finding the afternoons difficult. that is based on what she says to me

To answer the question you asked, no it is not acceptable to sit him on his own.
She is danger of labelling him as a naughty child, and if you belive in the theory of the self-fulfilling prophecy, then that is what she will create.

qualified in what way?
has she been to college and gained any childcare qualifications?

if you are not happy - change provider!
she doesn't sound overally happy with you either so may be relieved if you give notice.

She doesn't sound awful - everyone's entitled to a moan, it might be your are disliking her and so jumping on everything she says. and the questioning re the doctor, i kind of see her point, i have had parents try and bring sick dc to me all the time and i will ask what dr has said etc. she could acutally be genuinely trying to help/advise etc, it could be you are misinterpriting her intentions...

the kicking at tea time would be hard for a cm with several children to care for - sitting him seperately for a while isn't necessaraly a bad idea - you have to trust her judgement to a certain degree, if you ultimately want complete control, you have to employ a nanny who works for your family alone. She has other dc to consider and unless you are there to witness it, you don't actually know how your ds behaves there.

insancerre- thats what im worried about. shes a qualified cm with childcare level 3 qualifications&doing a early years degree.

Reetpetite- I dont dislike her. I have been very supportive&respectful towards her. she moans about minding her mindees, she moans about the weather constantly,she moans about her husbands shifts. I dont want any control only to be sure that my son is well cared for. I am paying her for a service and trusting her with my children.

thank you for the advice. will be looking for other childcare tbh

sounds like a good idea

Also in regards to doc etc I do not send my children in sick. I follow all guidelines & always ask cm if I am unsure. I do however know my child and my responsability is to put his best interests first