Toddler has come home from CM swearing

[CountBapula]

DS is 2.7 and goes to a CM four days a week. Tonight I was telling DH how I had to tell DS off because he kept running away when we were walking home. DS pipes up: 'Yes, Daddy. Mummy pissed me off.' DH and I tried not to react, though shot each other a face over DS's head. I said to him, 'No, DS, I TOLD you off, didn't I?' 'No, Mummy pissed me off.'

Then he just kept on saying it. DH asked him what he'd done today and DS said, 'I played with G. He pissed me off.' Then a minute later he was sat on his bed and said, 'Fucking FUCK, fuck's sake'.

It wasn't so much what he said (though that's bad enough) but it was the way he said it - with real venom. He's such a happy-go-lucky, sunny little boy and DH and I are really shocked and upset to hear him say these bad words. He's still a baby!

By the way, I'm not some kind of Mary Whitehouse figure. I swear a fair amount in adult company and think swearing is funny. But I NEVER swear in front of DS. Ever. And neither does DH.

We can only think that he's picked this up at the CM's. He's never sworn before at all and suddenly this torrent of bad words all at once, clear as a bell. There's nowhere else he could conceivably have picked this up - he pretty much sees us, the CM and the odd friend or family member, none of whom have sworn in his presence.

DH phoned the CM and she said she couldn't think where he's picked it up. She has two grown-up sons who live in the house and they both have girlfriends who are round a fair bit but she said they weren't around today.

Are we totally over-reacting and being PFB? I know kids are little sponges but I feel a bit gutted that DS isn't even 3 and he's already said 'fuck'

If you're a CM, how would you handle this with a parent?

He's probably overheard it in the street/on the bus.

YANBU to be a bit shocked though.

Are you happy with the childminder apart from this? Does it seem likely he would have heard it from her?

Has she had school children over the Easter holidays? I have to watch them like a hawk as the little ones treat them like Gods and copy everything they say and do.

No I would be a little bit too, could have been picked up anywhere really. Although I would assume that he would have to hear it in more than passing to take it in and use it in context - I hope so anyway, people round my way are right potty mouths.

MissSusan I agree - it's the fact that he's using it in context, plus the fact that he's used more than one bad phrase in one go, that makes me think he didn't just overhear it on the bus or something.

HSM Yes, she has had schoolkids over the holidays. Are you a CM? How would you respond if a parent told you this? I guess I just want to know what I should expect her to do.

Outraged I don't think she would swear in front of her charges but I guess you never know. My instinct is he hasn't got it from her. We are generally happy with her, though she's recently let us down over DS's preschool arrangements (long, boring story but it's resulted in a lot of stress for us).

If she doesn't know where he's picked it up, what can she do?

I don't know really. I'm just upset

Checked out - do you mean CRB? I guess I can ask. Would the girlfriends need to be CRB checked too?

'Outraged - it is entirely possible she does know where he picked it up and isn't saying!'

Well obviously!! I am aware that people can lie!

My point is, if she's claiming she doesn't know, what is the OP expecting her to say/do?

Don't be upset OP, just ignore it and he'll forget and move on to something else.

I know, I know. I just am a bit that he's said 'fuck' before he's even out if nappies

And I guess I feel guilty as well. I don't know what he gets up to all day. I have a good idea, of course, but you can never know for sure. It's shaken me up a bit.

I am a CM and I would be happy for parents to talk to.me about any concerns. Sometimes parents ask me about habits or words that I know have not come from my setting and sometimes I can explain where it's come from. Speak to your CM and hopefully she can reassure you.

We had the misfortune recently to have to stand in line in a queue for tickets behind a group of youngish servicemen whose language was appalling. It made me sad to think that these were the sort of people I would encourage the children in my care to look up to and they hadn't the decency to watch their language in the presence of young children. As we had no choice but to wait, I spent the whole time trying to keep the children distracted and chatting to avoid them listening to the coarse banter. I can imagine that something similar may have happened.

My DC's have definitely heard language like that from kids on the bus/waiting at the bus stop/on the tube etc.

Anyone over 16yo living in the house needs to be CRB checked.

I would just tell her what he said and ask her to listen out for of he does it again and let you know. That way she will know he has done it and will most likely be doubly careful not to let it happen again and speak to her own about their language. I know I am always telling mine to mind their language in front of the little ones and mine Don t come out with anything half that bad.
Don't make a big deal of it with your little one because he will only say it more x