Childminders Club: PLEASE HELP...........!!!!!!!!!!

[looneytune]

One of the babies I look after, one day a week, is SCREAMING the place down every time dh gets back from work. It's starting to get really annoying and I dread dh coming home (poor dh :()

He's a really sensitive baby and I just don't know what to do. He hates any loud or sudden noises. Today he screamed when the doorbell rang and it's not even loud. He also cries when drop off and collect at nursery due to the noise the children make. I don't know why he's so sensitive? He has a 3 year old sister who makes lots of noise at home.

Anyway, at the moment I tell dh he can't come in the room until after 6pm when he's gone home. I feel really bad about this but to be honest, he doesn't want to be here anyway.

He's just run through the lounge to get to the back garden as off to mow the lawn and although he was quick, he was still spotted and baby SCREAMED as usual.

Anyone else suffered from these problems?

BTW he's 8 months old and started with me at 5 months.

It's not just dh he cries at, it seems to be new people too.

HELP!!!

oh dear, they are running late so dh has to stay in hiding a bit longer! :(

Hi LT

Some babies are like that, my neice when she was a baby use to scream at the next door neighbour (she was good friends with my brother so saw each other very often). I don't know if was was that he had very dark hair and features.

lol - dh has dark hair and features!

It's affecting everything as I'm needing to cuddle him more etc. and now it's making ds have his dinner later than I want him to! :(

What would you childminders do if you were in this situation where your own dh felt he shouldn't come home til later? (I reckon he's going to start going to the pub after work for an hour until he's gone!)

my ds 's friend used to scream when my dh walked into our house and she was there and he too has dark hair!! Ds and friend were both under a year at the time. your mindee is just going through a phase, but BTH it does sound like it's affecting your work and home life a bit too much. I'd try to discuss this with the mum and say you'll give it X number of weeks to hopefully settle down but if it was continuing maybe she should look for a nanny that could have more time to have a one on one relationship with the baby. As childminders we can only do so much and it sounds like you are trying really hard, but you've got to ask is this mindee upsetting your existing kids and your home environment a bit too much?

Good luck!!

ssd x x x

Feel for you, not a good situation to put dh in as it must make him feel unwelcome in his home. Agree that maybe x numbers of weeks and then dismissal if still not ok.

I know my situation is different (as DH is a minder himself) but if a child were ever wary of him (after checking with the parent) DH would spend as much time as possible with the child - singing songs, playing finger games and rhymes, dancing etc to get the child used to him

Bit unfair on a nonminding DH to do this - but if it upsets your DH it might be an idea

That's a good idea ssd, just need to decide if that's what I want to do. This family have been through so much and I suppose I'm a sort of lifeline to them at the moment. The contract was originally for 6 months which would have been due to end in August so I would have probably suffered the one day a week til then HOWEVER, they asked for it to be extended to a year so now I don't know. I don't know the mum's reasons but she did one day tell me that if I could no longer have mindee then she wouldn't have the break as wouldn't use anyone else. If it wasn't for that comment I would feel better about giving notice after x weeks if things didn't improve.

Katymac - dh has tried to spend a bit of time with him but TBH, dh gets home around 5pm when I'm feeding mindee so it's not the right time for proper games and stuff as I'm busy trying to get him fed and everything cleared up, book written etc. by 6pm. Mindee even caught dh outside through the window yesterday and went mental again. If dh had a day off or something then this would be easier but it's just not practical at that time of the day iyswim.

Maybe I'm in the minority but I believe if a mindee isn't fitting in well with your own family then after a good period of time to give it a chance then it's time for them to go. And it isn't fair for the mum to be saying if he didn't come to you she wouldn't send him elsewhere and so she wouldn't get a break. This is emotional blackmail, you are doing your job not doing her a favour.

TBH I think you've had enough of this situation and your dh is probably getting pretty fed up with it too. The child might benefit from being in a different situation too. I'd have a word with the mum. You have tried really hard and have had a lot of patience here (and so has your dh) but if a child isn't settling and is causing your dh to be wary of coming home at night I think it's time to let mindee go elsewhere......

You're right. I must say I've become mum's agony aunt aswell as childminder but the stuff going on IS really bad and tbh, I'm soooooooo used to being people's agony aunt lol

I'm just hoping it's a phase that will pass as this baby has been hard work but has got a lot better apart from this new problem so I'm keen to get over this problem too but you're right, if it continues for too long then I will have to give notice :( It's going to get harder from June as my longest mindee is coming Friday's too and I will have to cook their dinner at the same time as I do Mon - Thurs whereas now, ds can wait til a bit later for his.

I don't want to give notice unless I really have to for the parents sake but also because it would mean a loss of income and it's hard to find someone who wants you JUST for Friday's - this is the first time I've ever had an enquiry for this day (however one of the other babies parents MAY want an extra day at some point I suppose?)

I do now think it's dh's dark features that are the problem - he has black (well, with grey now ) hair and dark shadows round his eyes! I must make sure his twin brother never pops round on a Friday as he's even scarier looking

Hi, how about carrying the baby in a backpack for the half hour or so when dh is around? Babies of this age are just the right age for "stranger anxiety" and this may help him feel more secure. Or maybe dh could try to feed the baby if he's around- baby may get over being frightened with the promise of grub! hth.

Couldn't do the backpack thing as I have to be in the kitchen cooking around that time once other mindee starts coming that day. I'll ask dh if he wants to try feeding him but I wouldn't blame him if he doesn't want to as I doubt he'd be happy coming back from a day's work and going straight into feeding someone elses screaming baby - at the moment dh just wants to hide. I don't want to push dh too far as he already finds it stressful coming home to a manic house (I have to keep reminding myself that I chose to be a childminder, not dh :))

I will certainly ask dh though :) Thinking about it, I'm not sure if I could leave the feeding that late actually as dh would have to get out of his suit first (I get covered in baby food ) and I need to have baby fed, bag packed, last bit of diary completed and tubs washed up in time for his collection.

I will give this some thought - thanks for the idea :)