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CM CLUB - What would you do?

4 replies

saltire · 09/05/2006 13:02

I've been CM for years and feel a bit strange asking for advice on this, which is really a silly wee problem. I mind an almost 2 year old (child A), along with 2 brothers aged 1 and almost 3. On the days i don't have the boys, i often have child A's sister, who is almost 4. The problem i have is that child a is a very aggressive child if she doesn't get her own way, i posted on here before about her constantly scratching one of the boys i mind. Anyway, when her sister is here, whichever toy the sister is playing with, she takes it from her, with force i.e she will hit the sister till she gets it. The ohter day she whacked her sister over the head with a megasketcher, cos she wanted it. When she does this, i always make child A give the toy back, and then give her time out on the naughty step for hitting and grabbing toys.

Yesterday, after several hitting and grabbing sessions, the sister was playing quite happily with the mega sketcher, when child A took it from her, scratching her sister in the process. I took it from child A and gave it back, and put child A on the naughty step. At this moment the mother arrived to pick them. I explained what had happened, and she went into the living room with child A.
Then she said to the sister
"A is just little and you know that she just cries if she doesn't get what she wants. You are older and should know better. Its your own fault she hit you, you should just give her the toy, that way she doesn't hit you, and she doesn't cry and get sat on the naughty step. Please give her the megasketcher"

I was so shocked, i never said anything, but today the same thing has happened, and child A said to me "mummy says i can have whatever i want from sister" As i said she isn't quite 2 yet

Should i say to the mum that it's my house and therfore my rules should be followed, or do i , as my CM friend suggested, let it go, as the child stops being my responsiblity when their mother gets here? I've never really had this sort of problem before, at least not this degree

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
EvesMama · 09/05/2006 13:10

hi..i would ask for a chat with the parent and tactfully explain that its not just her sister she is doing this too, making it being more than 'her' problem.
tell her you are trying to deal with it diplomatically by giving her time out and because of mums actions, she is now being cheeky when you(as her main carer) ask her to do/not do something)
the parent MUST understand..your house/business..your rules, this may go on at home, but that doesnt mean its right and it doesnt mean you have to put up with it..i feel sorry for the sister as she's obviously but on the back burner to appease the other girl..good luck, rather awkward that oneSmile

RTKangaMummy · 09/05/2006 13:19

I would put the scenario back onto her

Say that how would she feel if one of the boys was behaving like her DD2 and you had said what she did

ie telling her DD2 that she should give up whatever she is playing with cos one of the boys wants it and will cry if he doesn't get it, and then would scratch and hit etc until he gets given it.

And cos her DD2 is older than the younger boy she should know better

I don't think she would be very happy

STUPID woman Angry

looneytune · 09/05/2006 13:41

I agree - STUPID woman!!!

As for how you deal with situations in your house, it should be consistant for all children so it doesn't matter what the mother thinks, in your house it's YOUR rules!!

I would have a word and say something like 'I'm sure you understand that I have to have one set of rules for everyone so I'm afraid you may do xxxx at home but in my house, if a child behaves like this, they get xx (time out or whatever) and I will never ask a child to give a toy just because another child is crying for it - it sends the wrong message'

If she doesn't like it then that's HER problem. I really don't agree with what she's saying at all! Obviously she can do what she wants at home but you can't have other kids see this sort of behaviour as being normal!

ThePrisoner · 09/05/2006 18:17

I agree with the others - your house therefore your rules.

When I first started minding, I felt very awkward about discipline when parents arrived to collect (and we all know how well the children behave then!) - I think each of us waited to see what the other would do. I am now more than happy to (nicely) sort out unacceptable behaviour by children - I tend to discuss this with parents at initial visits. I think they're probably glad they know the ground rules.

Saltire - I guess the mum will disagree with you if you tried to explain how unfair you thought she was being, and you have to respect her opinions. She must also respect your rules in your house though.

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