NWOC Question

[WindyAnna]

Hi guys

Bit of a long one ... just wondering if this is normal/reasonable?

I have a nanny who brings her 1 year old son to work. It is not the first time I've employed a nanny with own child and in fact my previous nanny came back to work after both her children were born so was bringing 2 children and a maternity cover nanny brought her own children too.

Her 1 year old takes precedence over my 7 year old in all things. I often come home to find my DD is in one room in front of TV / on computer while nanny is in other room playing with her baby. She will not leave him alone for any time because "he will scream the place down" as a result she does not cook meals for my daughter she gets ready meals or something that just gets put in the oven. She doesn't help with homework just sends my DD off to do it and I'm getting home and checking it and finding it's wrong or incomplete because she didn't understand or couldn't be bothered and no-one is working with her. I often come home to find tea things left on table - even on the days my daughter hasn't had tea because I've made her a pack-up for an activity - so I am clearing up after nanny's child. She does not do any laundry or bed making etc. because DS will complain if she is not with him.

She won't do any activities that she feel are unsuitable for her DS or where she cannot get the pushchair. We spoke about this at interview as I know DD's activities are not all in baby friendly places and she said this would not be a problem as she could find someone to have DS but now she says there isn't anyone. I've had to make some alternative arrangements myself!!

She gets loads of paid time off where my daughter has after school activities and I mentioned perhaps she could do DD's ironing ? Or maybe prep some meals for the freezer? Or sort the toys out? Too difficult with a baby apparently.

I've spoken to her about all this and her view is I knew she was bringing a baby and so I shouldn't expect any more. My view is this is not how other nannies with babies behave so I am not unreasonable. I'm paying a decent rate and I expect more than someone who will just be in the house and "mind" my child. I could pay one of the girls out of local 6th form a lot less to do same! I've also asked what happens at home and she tells me their house is more baby friendly and he is more settled there so she can leave him more!!

My DD is now saying nanny doesn't like her, nanny only wants to be with her baby and when nanny has to leave room she gets DD to play with the baby so he doesn't scream!!

Our house is always filled with noise, music and laughter. Didn't matter if it was a weekend (with us parents) or a weekday with the nanny and her family it was a lovely fun environment, now it is virtually silent interrupted only by a baby boy's cries!

She was with her last family for 14 years and my understanding was that she left when she was pregnant as she wanted a job nearer home, her reference was fine. I've now realised that she did go back after maternity leave and they then made her redundant two months later and I'm wondering if they had a similar issue?

It is expensive to continue to have a nanny but it allows my DD to do all the activities she wants and she could not do that with CM or at the (fantastic) after school club but I am wondering if it is worth it?

I am going to speak to her again but just to make sure I am not being unreasonable. If I am and this is normal then I will back off. I did speak to one other nanny who thinks it is unacceptable as well but would like a more general view.

All input gratefully received
Thanks
Windy

Are expected duties listed in job description, in contract, in email/writing? If she is not doing the duties then you need to clamp down on that. Maybe the job is too tough for her and she needs to consider leaving, or resolving things to everyones satisfaction.

Pushchair - could she not wear him? Babies can love to be in a sling and it frees up the adults hands.

No, totally unacceptable and I say that as a nanny who took her D's to work. ( Although I deliberately chose a job with a similar aged child so they had same routines / interests. ) It is a privilege to be able to take your own DC to work and most nannies work their butts off to make sure they do a good job and that the care of the children they're paid to look after isn't compromised.

Have a strong chat, give a verbal warning if necessary. Nannies like her give NWOC a bad name when in a lot of cases it can work well.

Also you are the employer. If you want your dd to do certain activities then the nanny either does them or leaves. The same with nursery duties. Surely she can get the basics of your dd's laundry done and her bedroom kept clean etc? It sounds like you're a very accommodating employer and she's taking the piss!

OP this is not good enough. I am a nanny; who have in the past cared for babies and older children at the same time. It is a question of planning and laying firm foundation for the baby, re separation. A one year old should not need constant one to one attention. The baby should be able to sit in a high chair at table height and play/eat snack while Nanny engages your daughter.
I would look at the contract and give verbal warnings tbh. Make me annoyed on your daughter's behalf.
What does she do when baby is sleeping, can't she do your dd's laundry at that time. She needs to go.

If you or DH was a SAHP with a 7 and 1 year old, you'd have to get homework done, tidy up after tea etc. yes, it's not easy but the thing she's employed to do is look after your DD (plus any household chores in contract). She doesn't get to not do her job because it's not easy.

if she's got a playpen or whatever at home, presumably she could bring a travel one to your house?

Agree with everyone else, it's unacceptable. I think encouraging your DD to help out a bit with the baby and also getting her to entertain herself/wait while she sees to the baby can be a good experience for your DD is she doesn't have any younger siblings. Not to the point where she is being ignored and can't do her own activities though. It's also not on to be feeding her ready meals, not helping with homework etc.

I nanny for an 8yo and a 1yo (and a 5yo and 6yo as well). The older ones do have to wait because of the baby sometimes, but I do the laundry, help with homework, cook fresh etc. I think she's taking the piss tbh.

totally unacceptable - she is taking the piss

if she can not cope with demands of her child while being paid to look after your child, then she is in the wrong job

do you have a contract, and does it state nursery duties/healthy homecooked meals etc

sit down with her and state you want abc, give her a month to change (tho sounds like she wont, or her 'her baby will scream the place down' and then give notice

having a nwoc can work but depends on the ages and what the nanny is like with her own child

I'm a childminder so slightly different way of working but I agree that this sounds like nanny is being totally unreasonable and is maybe not very experienced in how to look after children of different ages.
I mind for a 6mo, 19mo, 3yr, 2x 6yr and 8yr. It takes planning and hard work to accommodate all their needs, prepare meals, attend activities etc but its doable. Two of the children are my own and I definitely do not give them more attention than the others, if anything I give them less ( and feel guilty but that's a whole other issue!) . When I'm bring paid to look after other people's children I feel I should be putting them first.
So no op, you would not be in the wrong to speak to her again. Hope it all works out for you and your family.

Thanks everyone. I am glad to know I'm not unreasonable. It is all in her contract so no surprise to her at all that I expect her to do these things. I know it can't be easy but it's not impossible and it's her job!! I don't mind my DD helping with him she always likes but it's the only interaction she gets until I get home! Ultimatum time I think. Thanks again. W x

I'd get shot. NWOC can certainly work but not with her attitude.

I'd get rid too. Even a difficult baby you can find ways to pacify them. Ok it might not be according precisely to your principles but you can meet your baby's needs without sacrificing your charge's happiness or not fulfilling your side of the contract.