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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

I'm a bit miffed

27 replies

fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 19:19

Just said goodbye to a mindee for the first time. He's been here for 2 years and I've supported him through health problems, his parents splitting up, had him loads of extra hours at short notice, had him in the school holidays (I'm term time only), dropped him off at various places when mum couldn't collect, generally gone above and beyond. So, to mark him leaving, I had a special cat based craft day as he loves cats and a special cake and made him a book with photos from his time here all recipes for all the things we've made and made a huge fuss of him all day. Would a bunch of flowers have been too much to expect? Sad

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EeyoresGloomyPlace · 20/03/2013 19:28

Oh how sad :( A thank you card and a bunch of flowers would be the least you should have got. I know people might say you should never expect anything but I can totally see why you feel miffed. At least you did your job to your best ability, looked after your mindee as well as possible and have no regrets or bad feelings. Its just sad that the parents didn't think to say a proper thank you.

littlebitofthislittlebitofthat · 20/03/2013 19:28

My last leaver sent me a bunch of flowers a week later, previous leaver, a bottle of wine, previous leaver a homemade card.

they were all great

Coconutty · 20/03/2013 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wereonourway · 20/03/2013 19:32

You sound lovely 5, did the parents thank you??

I'm sure they are thankful, sometimes people get caught up with things and don't think to show their appreciation. Sad but true.

Ds is in a fabulous nursery, I would buy them flowers termly or for xmas if I could but there are at least 6 staff who work closely with ds and I just can't afford to.

I do however thank them daily, they know how much I appreciate all they do.

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 19:34

I know I shouldn't expect anything, just would have been nice. Now I'm thinking about it though all my other parents give me Christmas presents and something when we stop for summer but she never has. Didn't even look uncomfortable when child left with piles of stuff from us - just calmly handed me the £5 she owed me and left. Think I'll spend the fiver on some flowers.

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Original poster
fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 19:37

Thanks wereonourway. Made him say thank you but can't recall her saying it though. Confused her a bit by saying I've filled the space - sure she thought she could still phone me at short notice if she was stuck but I had to explain I can only take him if I've got space.

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ReetPetit · 20/03/2013 19:39

i had this recently, most disheartening Sad i am wanting to give up now, too many people taking the p and had a child leave recently without even a card or a thankyou from the parent. didn't even get the reference i asked for. that's gratitude for you!!

Wereonourway · 20/03/2013 19:40

How sad, like others have said you sound like you have been a fab cm for him, and given him a fabulous send off.

Sod the flowers and buy wine and then swear under your breath about ungrateful bastards

ReetPetit · 20/03/2013 19:44

Grin lol wereonourway, i'd second that!

Bluemonkeyspots · 20/03/2013 19:49

I had one child for only a few hours a week and have kept the text his mum sent me when he left as it was so lovely.

Helped another parent out loads of times and had her ds from newborn to three for 55 hours a week and she picked up on the last day the same she would have any other day while i was crying that he was leaving.

Like you say you don't expect large gifts etc but really a bit of acknowledgement for what you have done for them would be nice.

soaccidentprone · 20/03/2013 20:01

maybe I'm too soft, but I've always bought choccies or biscuits, or made brownies or picked a big bunch of flowers from the garden for all the various childminders, nurseries, teachers, after school clubs etc.

why wouldn't you? it's a sign if appreciation for all their (at times) hard work, and it's not as if childminders and nursery staff and after school club staff get paid a great deal. you are trusting them with what is most precious to you.

we had the same childminder for ds1 and ds2 after school. I think we gave her biscuits and wine when ds2 left. she looked as though she was going to cry, and she still gives ds1 a big hug when she sees him even though he is now 17.

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 20:54

Don't think it's soft, just think its showing appreciation. I know she paid me for a service I provided, but if the roles were reversed I would never have turned up to collect him empty handed. Still feel bad I forgot to take gift to brown owl when dd left brownies two years ago!

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Tanith · 20/03/2013 21:05

Just before Christmas, I dropped off two of my mindees back home for the very last time.

One marched straight in without even a backward glance, let alone a goodbye, and her brother slammed the door in my face Shock

So you're doing pretty well, I reckon Grin

For every rude, ungrateful family, I can think of a dozen lovely ones, though.

For you: Thanks

ReetPetit · 20/03/2013 21:06

she'll probably be feeling really rubbish now fivesacrowd, at least you can sleep easy tonight, you know you gave her child a good send off!

the child i had leave me without a word of thanks, i thought that on reflection the parent might feel a bit bad and send me a card at some point but no, nothing. some people are just like that. probably like it in all areas of their lives. not pleasant but not your problem any more!

MrsSpencerReid · 20/03/2013 21:07

Any of you in easy Yorkshire and want an 11m boy to add to your charges Grin you sound lovely have some Wine and Thanks

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 21:11

Don't think so Reet, just remembered she didn't even send a card when my sister died of cancer last year (I worked right through that too - no funeral so didn't take time off). Doubt she'll have given it a second thought.
Tanith, thanks for flowers.
The fiver is going on wine but not til Friday or I'll be the talk of toddlers tomorrow!

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ElectricalBanana · 20/03/2013 21:20

i had a family who i had for two years...had baby from 6 weeksold, 50 hours a week. I had to let them go as my husband had been diagnosed with tumours in his bowel and there was a good chance they could be malignant. we knew he needed lots of help as he was to have part of his bowel removed. I couldnt give this family the reliable care i had given before (mum would get irate if i said i needed a weeks holiday!!)

the last day i took the three out for a slap up tea. i bought them all a lovely book each and a card.

mum and dad walked in...picked up baby and walked out of the house. i didnt get chance to kiss baby goodbye. they just walked out.

didnt say goodbye, thankyou...kiss my arse.

mum refused to speak to me for 6 months at school....(they did find a new cm who apparently was so much better than me with a bigger house etc etc etc - mums and kids words)

roll on 6 months and mum calls me....she wants baby to come back to me (husband has finished his treatment now) as she feels new cm has too many kids in the house and she liked the way i kept the numbers down.

i said sorry.....i dont have a space

SPBInDisguise · 20/03/2013 21:26

Yes you are being paid for a service but it's not just that.
Your job is about relationaships, flexibility and trust. Not primarly sticking to the letter of your agreement. You've fulfilled your side, bit off that they don't seem to have realised.
We have a lovely childminder, and the one thing I really value is that I trust her and that she tries to make our lives easier.. Not whipping out the contract to check line 56.

SPBInDisguise · 20/03/2013 21:27

EB just realised it's your DH. Hope he's OK now.
OP, sorry about your sister. :(

ElectricalBanana · 20/03/2013 21:31

SPBInDisguise- just been to see surgeon this afternoon and DH doesnt need another check up for 6 months! yay yay yay !

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 21:32

Electric banana, that's awful. They didn't deserve you. Hope your dh is ok. No one deserves to be treated like that.

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SPBInDisguise · 20/03/2013 21:34

Good :)

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 20/03/2013 21:36

Cross posted - awful how family treated you, fab news about dh!

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ReetPetit · 20/03/2013 21:42

EB - how sad, you poor thing Sad hope you dh is doing okay now?
good for you re the space, i would have none the same thing. what horrible people Angry

Wereonourway · 20/03/2013 21:42

I used to be a live nanny for a lovely Norwegian family and mum and dad worked away a lot.

Every time mum came home from business trips she would bring me a present as well as the kids, perfume, lip gloss, books. It was so thoughtful and kind.

When I handed my notice in(I wanted to move home, job was 200 miles away) mum offered me £1000 to work an extra month, on top of my wage.

I refused the money but worked the extra time and was very upset to leave. A week later a cheque for the £1000 arrived in the post with a card to say I should use it to go on holiday. I was amazed and very very grateful.

They have since paid for me to fly out to see them and to attend their wedding. I got a photo message of my charges at their first killers gig last week.

I would have been just as happy with a thank you card, I know they appreciated my work and the fact they trusted me with the most orecious things in their lives was thank you enough. the reference from them was amazing too.

I miss them every day! Taking care of people's children is a very special job and one which I think is a blessing, such hard work at times but very very rewarding

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