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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Am I over reacting - charge in soaked nappy yet fully dressed?

56 replies

DillyDallyDayDream · 19/03/2013 19:40

Turned up to work yesterday morning to find my charge (14 months) fully dressed but with a soaking wet nappy - clearly the one he had slept in. The poor child was soaked through to his trousers

Am I over reacting by telling mum boss that I felt this was out of order and not fair or nice for my charge?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 20:33

i don't think dilly was suggesting she was going offer marriage guidance Alibaba

it is difficult as a childcarer to offer advice to parents, they get very defensive but i think if you read op's posts she has been trying her best to get her points across re the child's lack of care with the mother.

tbh she sounds lazy when it comes to her child. marriage problems or not, there is no excuse for neglecting a child. leaving a child in a sopping wet or dirty nappy is really not on

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 20:49

'i have been through a break up - i didn't start neglecting my children's basic health needs because of it '

How wonderful you must be!

Someone is struggling. While it is fantastic that you find things so easy, a little compassion may be in order.

This has all happened in the last 2 weeks. He's been in a dirty nappy once and a wet nappy once. He has dry skin (like everyone at this time of year). He has long hair that she hasn't got round to having cut. I think it's a bit soon to be talking about neglect and social services

OP maybe just be supportive for a couple of weeks? Part of the job, is supporting the family. Change his nappy. Take him for a hair cut. Put some cream on his dry skin. It's not rocket science. Comment casually on the nappy situation to remind her she hasn't done it. Maybe put a note on the fridge to remind her to put cream on him. Be a bit more insistent about the haircut.

If it's long-term and regular then it's negelct. If it's a couple of slip-ups over 2 weeks, it's someone having a hard time.

duchesse · 19/03/2013 20:59

She probably forgot to change the nappy. I assume she was trying to juggle getting him dressed and herself out the door for work. You are there to make her life easier (I'm assuming you're a nanny) so your job is simply to take over where your charge's parents left off. You are in loco parentis, so if they forget to do something or don't have time to do it, you do it. Maybe the mum wanted to choose his clothes for the day!

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 19/03/2013 21:00

What Outraged said. One wet nappy and one dirty nappy does not require a call to social services fgs.

Cut the woman some slack. Change the nappy when you get there, change him into a clean one when you leave, keep putting the cream on him - once when you arrive and once when you leave as a minimum.

Nurture the family the best you can and help them through this.

When you speak to her tomorrow, I wouldn't say anything other than 'I notice you are a bit tired - is there anything I can do to help' - other than that, keep schtum.

See how things go.

duchesse · 19/03/2013 21:02

Hair in eyes doesn't cause conjunctivitis! Or else far more girls than boys would be affected and everyone would know about the hazards of long hair on small children. Conjunctivitis is just a fact of baby and toddlerhood.

And dry skin? Ha, practically every child in the land has that at this time of year. Especially ones prone to eczema- is he? My DD3's skin dryness comes and goes from one day to the next, never mind week.

duchesse · 19/03/2013 21:04

You sound awfully judgmental OP, for someone whose livelihood relies on someone else pointing themselves in the right direction and getting out to work on time. You may not realise how busy a FT working parent's life is. Furthermore, you don't get the broken nights if you're a live-out nanny. Cut her some slack and please start trying to help rather than judge.

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 21:07

wow OutragedfromLeeds - a bit strange

never said i was wonderful - just said, i didn't start neglecting my children when i went through a break up, that's all.....

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/03/2013 21:16

I think that people r being a bit harsh.

If a woman posted saying " when I have picked up ds from the child minder twice now he's been soaking wet and had a pooy nappy that's stuck to his bum. I've been giving her cream as my ds has exczema but his skin is like scales so I don't think she's using it. I heard her in the phone the other day and someone was obviously shouting at her and
I don't think her mind was on the job tbh. Also she's got four other charges should I just assume she's swamped and leave it or what?"

You would all say how awful she was and tell the mum to find a new child minder.

She's just concerned its her job.

duchesse · 19/03/2013 21:19

Completely different situation on so many levels.

Greenshootsandleeves · 19/03/2013 21:20

I suspect the mother is being lazy and thinking "sod it, the nanny gets paid, she can bloody do it"

it's not very nice really, is it? I would have to say something. The child can't.

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 19/03/2013 21:22

Am purely concerned as the goings on in the last2 weeks are totally out of character. She is usually fab with nappies etc etc

I think I'd be an awful nanny if I didn't pick up on it and say something

OP posts:

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 21:22

agree with Greenshoots

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 21:25

If you can't see the difference between a swamped mum, whose marriage is on the rocks and a professional, paid childcarer, there is a problem in your understanding.

It's just the same as when someone posts that they've lost their temper and smacked one of their DC, generally everyone is understanding. Totally unacceptable for a nanny or teacher or childminder or nursery nurse to smack a child no matter how stressed they are.

For a mum to let DC watch cbeebies all day and get them Macdonalds for dinner, fine, if a one off and mum is sick/nursing a newborn etc. Totally unacceptable for a nanny or childminder (unless possibly the nanny is sick and an arrangement has been made with the parents).

It's different.

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 21:27

By all means say something Dilly, but make it gentle and supportive. Not 'I think you're lazy and I'm going to call the social services because you're negelcting your children' as Reet advises.

How long have you been there out of interest?

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 21:31

where did i advise that Outraged??

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 21:34

'I would report a parent to social services for neglect'

'agree with Greenshoots'

I'll admit you didn't advise the OP to actually say it. Just that the mum is lazy and should be reported. What would you advise she actually say to the poor woman's face?

Original poster

DillyDallyDayDream · 19/03/2013 21:34

Been with them full time since sept but did adhoc for 2 months before that

I thought I would say to her that I'm slightly worried about his eyes as his hair is often irritating his eyes - often red and he's often itching them and offer to take him or meet on her lunch break. And that if she doesn't have time to get him dressed fully (including nappy change) to just change nappy and ill do the rest - if she wants particular clothes to leave them out.

Am just guna b honest and straight about what her eldest has said increasingly more as feel she needs to know and that she should be telling me if things aren't quite right so I can support the children.

OP posts:

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 21:38

i said Outraged - that as a childminder, i would report a parent who regularly left a child in dirty/soaking wet nappies.

I don't think this has been going on long - and you can see that this is a reaction to something from the sound of it.

Yes, she does sound lazy, and it is my opinion, she is used to having everything done for her and is now struggling for whatever reason.

i have already advised dilly what i think she should say, and if you re read the posts, i gave her some suggestions of neutral ways of getting her point across.

and outraged you don't know she is a 'poor woman' just because she has some marriage issues - so do very many people. She may just be a lazy mare - you know her as well as I do!!

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 21:41

'She may just be a lazy mare - you know her as well as I do!! '

True, but the OP knows her and has said it is out of character and she is normally very good with nappies etc. Do you think she has sudden onset laziness syndrome? Is it not weird that she's suddenly become a lazy mare, after not being a lazy mare for the last 6-8 months?!

ItsAllTLAsToMe · 19/03/2013 21:42

Steady on Dilly, I think that you should mention the nappies, hair, and skin, them ask if everything is okay. I wouldn't start asking her about her perceived relationship problems.

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 21:47

yes,it is weird, as i said, it looks as though it's a reaction. we are going round in circles here. neither of us know her!! just saw dilly's post about mum normally being good with nappies btw....

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 21:49

I thought you agreed with Greenshoots that she was just lazy and deliberately not doing it because 'the nanny gets paid, she can bloody do it'?!

That's quite different to a 'reaction' to stressful/upsetiing life circumstances.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/03/2013 21:57

OP as someone who employs a nanny I would be very grateful for your support if I was finding things difficult. I think you sound like quite a caring person so I'm sure you'll find the right, non-judgmental way of discussing things.

ReetPetit · 19/03/2013 21:59

yes i do agree with Greenshoots. I said she sounds lazy and as though she's used to other people doing it for her!!

It also sounds like a recent thing, possibly a reaction - still lazy though....

OutragedFromLeeds · 19/03/2013 22:02

I give up!

[bangs head against wall]

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