Temp nanny concerns

[ghislaine]

I had my 14 month old son cared for by a temporary nanny (supplied by the same agency that I got my regular nanny from) one day earlier this week. A couple of things occurred that I'm wondering whether to raise with the agency but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Firstly, when I was sorting though my son's laundry today I found the top her was wearing with a large brown stain on it. It looks like tea/coffee. Now, I'm annoyed that she buried it in the basket and didn't have the sense to soak it as the stain is massive (about the size of an adult hand) and is proving really difficult to get out, but what really bothers me is how did my son get this stain on his top? It looks like nothing he would eat and they were inside virtually all day so it wasn't a muddy puddle stain. I think the tea might have been cold as he doesn't seem to have any burns on his skin but even so, why was a drink like this left within the reach of a grabby toddler?

Secondly, when I came home, she was at the front door taking pictures of the snow. My son was in another room, out of sight, in his highchair (not strapped in).

I'd welcome the perspective of any childcare professionals and nanny employers before I raise what I think is a lack of care about my son's safety as she came with glowing references.

Ps she also took the £10 from the kitty to go out and buy bread but didn't put it back when the trip was curtailed because of the rain (! which seems a bit lazy to me). I did text her about this and she said it was a mistake and would pay it back, but it doesn't help my impression of her.

You don't know if your son was wearing the top when it was stained - perhaps she put it down on a messy worktop or some such on the way to the laundry, or maybe it was stained by something harmless (such as cold tea or coffee whilst clearing the table or loading the dishwasher, or cola)

Leaving him in a high chair unattended is definitely out of order though. Did you not say anything at the time?

You're right, I don't know, and I was going to text her tomorrow for an explanation before I discussed it with the agency but I suppose my question would be why was he not wearing the top when it got stained? I think he was because it was upstairs in the basket in his room next to his changing table, and the washing machine is downstairs in the utility room (which I showed her). Not to get all private detective about it but why would she take it off, put it in a puddle of spilled tea and then take it upstairs to his basket? It doesn't have any other marks on it.

I didn't say anything at the time about him not being watched in his highchair although I'd seen him through the window as I approached the house so I knew he was ok. I think I was too shocked at the time to say anything other than not be enthusiastic about her photo-taking.

I think you are really over reacting. The nanny was not used to your child or your home. He probably spilt a cold drink that the nanny left in his reach accidentally. It was not hot, so trying to say that it could have been worse is pointless. I would be extremely careful with a hot drink near a toddler, but might not be as careful with a cold one.

He should have been strapped in to his high chair, but no harm came to him. Forget it and move on. I am sure the £10 was a mistake. If she is scheduled to work for you again then I am pretty sure she is not trying to steal it. Mention that you would like him to be strapped in and supervised at all times, but these are not issues that need to be raised with the agency.

She probably put the £10 in her bag or pocket and completely forgot about it - easily done.

Who knows about the stain on his top, but honestly, it could be a million things when he was or wasn't wearing it. You are going to look like a right berk if you ring the agency and say 'There's a stain on my sons t-shirt, I don't know what it is - it could be tea, coffee, cola or something else and I don't know if he was wearing it or not' aren't you!? It's annoying if the stain wont come out, but that's about the extent of it. Also, I always put washing in the dirty laundry basket, never in the washing machine - so other than the fact it would have been better if she had soaked it or whatever, putting it in the basket isn't unusual. What was he wearing when you got home - didn't your Sherlock skills notice he wasn't wearing it then & wonder why not?

Yes, she shouldn't have left him in the high chair, not strapped in - irrespective of what she was doing, it just makes it more annoying when she was doing something that wasn't even for your DS - but he was fine - move on.

Has she made you appreciate your permanent nanny more? :)

I think the top thing wouldn't bother me in the least and nor would the £10.

However, I would be v unhappy with leaving him in the highchair in another room not strapped in. I disagree with the poster above that said 'move on' - it's such a fundamental lack of awareness of safety i would find it hard to move on.

i think you are over reacting. the top thing you are reading too much into - i just wouldn't even think about it any more as you are driving yourself cookoo it would appear!
the money thing sounds like a genuine mistake, again, i wouldn't give it too much thought...
the highchair, ok, sounds lazy but again, i don't think it's the worst thing in the world. i use ikea highchairs which don't even have a 4 point harness on and haven't had a child climb out and injure themself yet!

if you are asked for feedback by the agency, i think you could mention your concerns but i wouldn't go out of my way to call them, personally.

The t shirt,you will never know unless you directly ask the temp nanny

kitty money, sounds like a genuine mistake

child not strapped high chair was slack of her

was this a one off job or is she covering for longer?

Our highchair doesn't have a strap, but I don't leave DS in it unattended.

The t-shirt you could ask the agency to ask her the stain is providing difficult to remove and if you knew what it was it might help, but I wouldn't be fussed.

The kitty is an easy enough mistake to make, with a perm nanny you wouldn't even notice it.

So 2/3 you're overreacting but the high chair I would find worrying. I don't know if I'd mention it to the agency as it might seem petty but it could be a pattern of behaviour they would want to know about. It's tricky as a temp because you might sort it out with a perm nanny and never mention it again but if you ever need to give a reference it'll play on your mind.

I'd expect my boss to be cross with me if I left my charge in high hair without being strapped in. I wouldn't even turn my back on an unsecured toddler let alone leave the room to take photos! So you're well within your rights to discuss this with her!
The money, hey she was planning on going out and probably did forget about it. You've brought it up with her so I wouldn't bother with the agency. I bet if she'd been at the shops, the money would've gone straight back in the kitty on her return. To be honest, it's not worth getting a bad reference and ditched by your agency to pinch £10 from temp employer.
Your tshirt - get a vanish bar and rub over the stain with it and some water. Leave overnight then put it in a basin of hot water and a scoop of vanish powder and leave for another night before popping in regular wash. I accidently spilled a cup of coffee all over myself while wearing a white hoodie and it was dried in for hours before I could attempt cleaning it. I also use same method for getting spag Bol stains out of clothes that have already been through the machine!

Thanks everyone for your contributions.

We've decided not to follow up with the nanny about the top or the £10 as we've decided not to use her again. She was supposed to be a long-term cover for my regular nanny on days when I have unavoidable work meetings on my days "off" but we don't feel comfortable with the fact that she left our son unattended in a potentially dangerous situation for such a frivolous reason. That fact that he wasn't injured is immaterial - it's her actions that are concerning.

I am going to mention the highchair incident to the agency by way of feedback because I think (even if it were a momentary lapse in her priorities) it's something they should be aware of if they send her to another family.

ps I did get the stain out but I am annoyed that I had to spend time on it. Part of what I pay a nanny for is to deal with my son's mess during the day!

tbh as a temp nanny myself, i wouldnt be tackling their washing - tho if i had caused a stain, i would leave to soak in vanish etc

sure she will give you the money back, know i would feel awful if i had some kitty in my pocket

Follow your heart. I would talk to her and to the agency. At the end of the day your son is more important than her.

I think you are being very fussy ! I never strap my ds in his high chair as i know his capabilities of climbing. The top thing, so what? Ask her! And the ten pounds is also easily sorted . It sounds like you expect a perfect Mary poppins!

oh god op you are being very, very precious - it's a stain on a top! if clothes are such an issue, don't put him in his best clothes when he's not with you!! i didn't think nannies did washing anyway...

Most nannies do laundry - it counts as nursery duties. But a temp would be very unlikely to do a full load and tbh the first few loads take a while as you probably want to check washing instructions and sort it thoroughly. Stain removal/damage limitation is a reasonable expectation of a temp but it stops there.