Hourly care and "escaping child"

[Charlene1]

First question: would it be unreasonable to ask for a childminder to do before/after school care in term time, with breakfast and tea included and just charge for those hours, rather than for a full time place, if you only needed full time care in holidays and inset days?

Second problem: when ds goes into playground and comes out at hometime, he runs off round the grounds/out of the gate etc. as he won't listen to me and I can't catch him or make him stay with me. He has always been the same since he started walking. I have dd with me in her buggy and I end up having to just leave the buggy wherever to get him - putting dd in danger then. A childminder wouldn't put up with this, and she would have loads of other kids with her probably - so how would I emphasise that basically he needs to be grabbed immediately as he will run into the road and not listen to teachers or anyone? I have threatened reins, but he just runs off. If anyone else had to pick up/drop off, how do I trust them not to let him get hit by a car/snatched by axe murderers etc?? I thought he might behave for other people, but he doesn't listen to the teachers half the time. Don't want to get "sacked" by the minder for this or ds getting hurt etc.

How old a child?

If you are talking 5+ it would be no problem - but for an under 5 you might have to pay for the whole day

Not sure about 2nd problem (never had that ....yet)

Thinking of when ds is over 5...

I think you will find he is completely different for the minder and meakly grabs her hand.

They do behave different for a minder (to the point of eating broccoli) and i have never had a child so badly behaved I could control them [yet]

aGAIN i have never had a very badly behaved child that hasnt behaved because they know that we wont out up with it whereas parents can (I am talking as a mother as well, getting ds to listern sometimes is very very hard)and they know they will get time out normally after one warning.

I also agree that they will try more here like the brocolli

I have a child who runs off, and thinks it's hilarious. Although he has special needs, he is more than aware that he shouldn't run away.

When he comes in the school holidays and we go out for walks, he is reminded of the rules/consequences of his actions. At the first hint of trouble (ie. he makes a run for it), I use a wrist strap. This is with full consent from his parents because, if I didn't, I would lose him or leave other minded children unattended if I ran to catch him.

It's not something I like doing at all, but it's that or not having a childminder! When he calms down, the wrist strap is removed.

I would be tempted to "threaten" (in the nicest possible way) that this is what would happen to your ds - but think it would be impossible to enforce because it would result in reports of "unnecessary restraint" by other parents! I don't think it would reflect well on childminders!

I really wasn't sure about posting this because what I am doing sounds really bad.

It doesn't sound bad at all! I think it's good that you don't let them get away with running off. All I get when whinging about it to other parents is "oh they all do it". No, they don't! Their kids stop at the kerb, come back etc. I have seen them! Mine doesn't! Walking home from school is a nightmare - he's generally "ok" unless he sees his friends going the same way. Then he's running off with them, in and out of a main road, running off miles in front, I'm shouting him back and getting the "looks" from other people. The other parents don't do anything to call their kids back as they know theirs will stop and obviously, they only care about their kid getting run over, not mine. If I grab him and march him home, literally holding his arm so he can't get away, I get mad tantrums all the way, and again the "looks" as if I'm a child snatcher or something, and the interfering busybodies ranging from: "won't nasty mummy let you run off with your friends?" to "he needs a good hiding" or "he's all right, leave him" (this was when he was in the road). If I do put reins on, he twists round and throws himself on the ground, so it's useless. I've got a wrist strap - he pulls it off!! All the other kids have a quick run round on the grass, then go straight to the parents and walk home holding hands "nicely". It's really p*ing me off. I hoped he'd grow out of it, but he's getting worse. DD has started doing it as well now when she walks anywhere and thinks it's funny. I haven't used reins yet on her, but I can see it coming, and I don't want to do it. I need to sort this out quickly, as I need to go back to work full time asap. Financially, I cannot work pt - it has to be ft or nothing. Trouble is, I will then need someone for the school run and holidays. If he's "trouble" then I might not find someone willing to look after him, and if I do, I'll be spending all day worrying.

Other parents can be very judgemental!! Guess that that's not much help really!

Has anyone else ever picked him up from school? Or has he been out for a walk with someone else? I wondered if you knew for sure that he would still run off?

charlene1 - I am a childminder and i care for a little boy who is 3 1/2 and he always runs off for his mom, refuses to hold her hand and has run in the road regularly. When he is with me, he wouldn't dare to do it and insists on holding my hand, he is very good for me. I think you will find that your son will be much better for the minder. I would mention it to her and see if she is happy with that arrangement and if she feels it would be too difficult for her to control him and the other children, she will let you know.

As for the first question I don't think its unreasonable to request thos ehours, if that is what you require. Some childminders will be willing to accomodate you and others won't, you need to find the right one for you. I care for children that i have b4/after school and then fulltime in the holidays.

I'd say stop threatening reins and put him in them until his behaviour changes .. he comes out of reins when he promises to stay with you .. if he runs off again straight back in reins

I think a school-age child would be mortified to be in reins at the school gate and it might change his behaviour quickly

Sticker chart? Reward for walking home nicely from school? Could be worth a try...

Bluejelly, tried sticker charts - no effect. Bribery works to a point - until he decides to ignore me again and do as he likes. Using computer time as reward for good behaviour at moment. Any running away or ignoring me outside and he doesn't go on it. If he's horrendous and throws tantrums outside, he gets no tv as well.

Prisoner - yep, he runs off for everyone. He's not too bad if it's just an adult as generally he'll stay with them, it's when there's other kids there e.g. coming out of school, at playgroup, in shops. Thinks it's funny.
Twiglett, how do I slap the reins on him quick though? That's the trouble, by the time I've got them out and anywhere near him he's either throwing himself on the ground, or he's stopped and holds onto the buggy - which looks like mummy doesn't mean it as I've no need to put them on then. Then he does it again etc.
He knows it gets to me when other parents are looking and commenting and plays up even more for the attention.

I tried the "bye then, mummy's going" once and walked off. He raced after me when he realised I meant it, fell over and banged his face - which left me feeling like shit cos I'd walked off, and all the other parents were doing the "looks" and the "where were you, what were you doing when he fell" comments, which made me feel worse.

Do you think he'll grow out of it, or get worse when he's older? Making me scared to take him anywhere, so they're both missing out. Am hoping maybe a childminder wouldn't have that problem. Dreading having to visit a childminders though as I won't be able to concentrate on asking the right questions etc. with him diving about everywhere and ignoring me and "showing me up". I know I shouldn't care about what people think, but I do. My friend who helps out at school says he's just "full of energy" and likes running around. Great, but where's the "off" button???
Perhaps if he's with a childminder and at school all day, he'll be too tired to play up when I pick him up - or is that wishful thinking?

If a parent came to me like yourself, I would rather that they were honest and told me that they had a "boisterous" child (be gentle to start with!!) You need to talk about tactics required about walking home etc.

I've certainly had a few "boisterous" children too - some I knew about in advance, others just evolved that way! (Or maybe it's just me).

Charlene, good luck with this, he sounds quite a character!

If it were me I would try to get a system in place before handing over to a childminder to pick up.

Reins WILL work, if you stick with them. Of course before he wriggled around and made them a nightmare - he wanted them off and it worked didn't it! At the mo you threaten him with them but don't actually do it, so you might as well be reciting your shopping list at him

I would put them on him but make it very clear that you will only hold them if he runs off and doesn't stop when you sk him to. Take him in the garden and let it be a game - play musical statues or something and have a key word "STOP" or "STATUE". Just to introduce the concept.

And if he still doesn't stop when he has to, I would simply use the reins, no matter what the protestations; I know it will be awkward but I think whatever you decide to do, whether reins or another method, you need to stick with it through all his behaviour so that he knows you mean it.

Just feel strong and ignore any looks, he MUST learn this not only for his safety but so that you can earn wages that will enable your family to live!

As a childminder I haven't had this problem but as a parent I did.
I had it with DS walking to nursery aged 4 last year.
I had 2 school aged children of 5 and 2 little ones in a double buggy too.
I had the reins in the basket with me constantly and used them as a treat. I actually used them twice. He was so mortified at being seen by all the other school children that despite the tears and screams about having to hold either my hand or the buggy he certainly never did it again.
18 months down the line he is fine again and actually happily holds my hand on occasion otherwise stays very close and holds on when actually crossing roads.

I'm not sure if I'd actually put reins on a childminded child but perhaps if you did it to your son a few times first and told him that you wuould tell a childminder to do the same he would start to behave.

I also echo others that the minded children are much better behaved for me than my own - which makes me feel like a bad mum at times. BUT talking as a mum to other parents they all say that their child is better behaved at other peoples houses for their friends parents than for their own parents IFSWIM

Totally agree with Katymac on the hours thing.

Of course I meant threat not treat