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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CMs with their own young children - how does sharing work?

10 replies

LingDiLong · 20/02/2013 21:51

Sharing is, quite understandably, a big issue in my house. I have a 2.5 year old of my own and look after (at various points) two 18 month olds, a nearly 3 year old and a 4 year old. When I started out a year ago my daughter had 2 special objects/toys that I didn't make her share, everything else was shared with all the children who came. Fast forward a year and she's older and has more of her own possessions that she remembers being given - and she doesn't want to share them.

How do I work this so it's fair? I have loads and loads of toys that my daughter doesn't see as hers and that are shared with everyone equally. But there are now half a dozen favourite toys that were specifically given to my daughter that she doesn't want the other mindees to play with. I think she's too little to be expected to exclusively play with these upstairs away from everyone else but playing with them around the other mindees causes major ructions! It seems mean to make her share her own things but also mean to expect very young children to watch her play with something they want and aren't allowed. And, of course, once they work out it's special to her they want it all the more!

I have older children too but they have all their special toys in their room as they're too old for the minded kids and as they're in school all day it's less of a problem anyway.

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calmlychaotic · 20/02/2013 22:10

my 2.5 year old has a small toy box hidden away in the living room, he only gets that out after minded children have gone home, if if wants to get anything out of the box when they are here he has to share, toys in his bedroom are only for him. toys in playroom and garden are everyone's and have to be shared, luckily I have never had any problems with him, expect I probably will at some point.

Original poster

LingDiLong · 20/02/2013 22:16

Thanks calmly, I'll have to instigate something similar I think. Do you stick very strictly to this rule - even with comfort toys like I favourite teddy?

She's actually not bad at sharing, a lot better in fact than some of the mindees. It's only a select few toys that she gets very possessive over.

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HSMMaCM · 20/02/2013 22:16

When DD was small I did the same as calmlychaotic. Toys she didn't want to share were kept in her room and could come out evenings and weekends. If she chose to bring them out during the working day, then she had to be prepared to share them. It's nice for them to have some toys of their own.

HSMMaCM · 20/02/2013 22:18

Cross posted. I also have the same rule for mindees who bring toys from home (which I strongly discourage). Comfort toys are kept in cots or out of reach, ready for when they're needed.

Original poster

LingDiLong · 20/02/2013 22:18

Thanks HSMM, I'll do similar - it makes sense really.

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Original poster

LingDiLong · 20/02/2013 22:19

Also cross posted! Mindees don't often bring things from home but when they do it also makes sense to stick to the same rule. Thanks again

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doughnut44 · 20/02/2013 22:23

Anything that my son doesn't want to share he has to keep upstairs until the mindees go. If my mindees bring toys to play with that they don't want to share, the toys go in their bags until they either home or are prepared to share - it's a 2 way thing. Comfort toys are different and the children all need to understand that.
I do ask parents not to let their children come with toys as it does cause rows.

calmlychaotic · 21/02/2013 08:11

I have stuck to the same rule for everything, and same for mindees- toys in their bags if they won't share. I have one mindee with a comfort toy she carries around and no one can touch, its an exception which worried me with double standards but everyone seems to have accepted it ok so far, if she puts it down they give it back to her. I felt really bad for my ds though when he agreed to share a new toy and it got broken.

WorriedMary · 23/02/2013 08:16

I have two DS's and the 4 year old struggles with sharing his favourite toys, so they stay up in him room if he won't share them on a particular day. One of my mindees homes in on his favourite toys (Trash Packs) so I try and preempt the fall out by ensuring they are up in his room! However, it does sometimes feel like I am saying its OK for DS not to share.

The older one is OK with sharing, but both have toys in their rooms that are just theirs. And mindees are banned from their rooms.

They've had a few things broken in the course of play which makes me feel so guilty.

ReetPetit · 24/02/2013 08:57

i have 2 boys, their special toys stay in their bedroom. I have mindee toys which are in the living room. I wouldn't expect my ds to share everything they have,that wouldn't be fair,so those things which they don't want to share simply stay away until I have finished work.

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