I'm going to man up! But need to check first...

[MrsPotato]

I am a CM with 2 dc aged 6 and 3. I am unexpectedly not working today but usually do 45-50 hrs a week.

I have a friend who I think is taking advantage. We used to be really close and see each other often. It fizzled out partly due to me returning to work but largely as every time we met up she would ask me to look after her dc aged 1 and 2. Not paid, as a favour at the weekend.

I did occasionally on my days off as I am happy to help out a friend. She asked to meet up at the weekend and then built up to asking me again. I said yes as I felt put on the spot in her home and she didn't name a specific day just "whenever you're free". I was a bit shocked as she said her dh couldn't do it as he couldn't cope!

I went home and thought about it and got cross with myself for saying yes and cross at her for constantly asking ( although it's my fault as I haven't said no before).

I'm going to see her tomorrow in person (not wimping out by texting) and say "I've thought about what you've asked and I'm going to have to say no. I spend a lot of time looking after others peoples children at work and I think the weekends and holidays need to be for me and my dc. I hope you understand".

Does this sound ok and am I being unreasonable for saying no?

What is your friend doing while you babysit? Does she offer to reciprocate?

I think that sounds fine. Firm but fair.

Where does she go at weekends without her DH all the time?

I think that sounds very fair - and well done for planning to speak to her face-to-face and not texting!

Agree, well said :)

I'd say no, it's very rare I will look after other peoples dc's outside of my working hours because I do need a break from it tbh, I do 46hrs a wk and have 2 dc's of my own.

I think a lot of people think we must love looking after other peoples children and would do it just for the love and not the money but the truth is I had my dd1 at 17, I'm a natural with children, I can do it with my eyes shut and know who is making which noise etc BUT I've been looking after dc for 14yrs the novelty has worn off somewhat and although I'm not quite ready to give it up yet (I can't afford to anyway) I do want to limit the hours I spend with others peoples children and also make the most of the precious little time I have with my own dc's before they never want to see me cus i'm an embarrassment grow up and leave home.

Phew! Didn't think I was being a cow but not used to saying no.

Sometimes she asks for an evening babysit so they could go out together. This time and last time it was so she could go shopping, once for a special treat with older dc, this time to buy something for work which involves a long train ride. Her dh works funny hours including weekends.

I do understand it's hard with young dc in tow (tomorrow I've got three 2 year olds all day so I really do get it) but don't want to be the one to do the favour every time!

Xroads I'm at a different stage of my CMing career as will be stopping when youngest dc starts school. But I really relate to what you said about making the most of the time I have with my dc before they get all hormonal and grumpy!

Just say you're a bit knackered. That's perfectly reasonably if it's your friend.

Your approach to dealing with the situation.

But I am a bit about the phrase "man up" to describe being firm and decisive.

I though you were going to get a little bit on the side...

Meant to say "Your approach to dealing with the situation is reasonable."