CM's, questions re meals and snacks for toddlers and what I should be feeding them

[NoHank]

Just looking for some ideas and maybe some advice re mindees and providing food. I currently have 2 2year olds in place and both have a very healthy appetite.

I provide all food and drink whilst they are with me and my policies states that this is healthy home cooked meals with the odd treat now and then providing parents are ok with this. The problems I am having is that they are constantly asking for biscuits and treats whilst refusing the food that is provided.

Mindee 1 is 2.5, he has been with me for over a year and has always eaten very well. He will eat everything put in front of him however even after finishing a meal he will follow me around repeatedly saying "can I have something". This is generally code for can I have a biscuit as whatever I offer e.g. fruit is always refused and they will keep asking until I finally saying that this is what they want.

Mindee 2 is 2.1. She has been with me for 6 months. She has always eaten well but over the last couple of months has gotten quite fussy over what she will eat, refusing food that she has always eaten in the past saying "don't like it" without trying it but asking for treats instead.

I know that they have free access to treats and biscuits at home - mindee 2's mum has told me they have a biscuit barrel in reach for her and she helps herself and mindee 1 usually arrives with a biscuit or sweetie in his hand. Not judging this at all however my feeling is that I am providing a service and part of that is to provide healthy food.

Sorry, this has got a lot longer than I planned! Mindee 2's mum commented that she was hungry when she got home one day last week and ate a mini pizza. This was on a day she refused to eat her tea - I had let mum know when she picked her up - and I did feel guilty that she had gone home still hungry.

So any ideas on how to approach this. Do I keep providing the meals I always have knowing that they may at times be refused or do I start to offer what they want e.g biscuits, treats, pizza's and beans knowing that they will eat these and not go home hungry!

This is why I don't provide food for my mindees. I was spending hours each day cooking nutritious and balanced meals, then the children would not eat them and went home and had pizza/chicken nuggets. I no longer provide food, just snacks, which is fresh fruit with the odd treat. Parents send packed lunches.

With my own children I am very strict. If they don't eat what I give them then they don't get anything else. Like you I feel really guilty if mindees don't eat, so if they don't want what I have cooked then I offer either fruit or toast with butter. If they won't eat either of these then they go home hungry. I do make it very clear to parents that this is what I do and so far they have all been ok with it. One parent turns up at my door every evening with biscuits for the little one to eat on the drive home.

I would stand by your principles, personally. It's part of the service that you offer - which is in the best interests of the child - to provide healthy meals. You have not told the parents you will provide 'whatever it takes to get them to eat' - you've told them you'll provide a healthy home-cooked menu. If the parents are undermining what you do by feeding them junk at home, all you can do is raise it with them and try to reduce the amount of biscuits etc they get.

I say don't give in when they're pestering for a biscuit, and just carry on as you have been doing telling the parents if they've refused it. However, I would also put your concerns in writing, whether by email or by letter, and put a copy in the feedback section of the children's folders.

If you were minding my kids, I'd prefer to see you stick to your guns and keep offering healthy stuff. I wouldn't blame you if my toddler came home hungry, I'd just be glad that you were willing to keep working on it.

Thanks everyone. I'm glad others agree with what I am doing. I did raise it with mindee 2's mum recently re her starting to refuse meals that previously she would have wolfed down. Mum told me that at home they tell her it is this or nothing so I think they do understand my stance - I'm not starving them btw! and do always offer something else like fruit but I don't want to start offering a more "appealing" option in case she starts refusing on the off chance of something better coming along.

We do all eat at the family too and my own dd is 2.7 so I am very aware of her watching what I do with them and trying to be consistent.

With the other mindee, the one who will eat anything but still constantly asks for more i.e. biscuits I need to find some healthier alternatives I think. I hate the thought of them being hungry when with me but not sure if they are just trying it on in the hopes of something sugary coming their way!

Some days I think they are eating me out of house and home

I would say stick to your guns. My CM provides great home cooked meals and a yoghurt or fruit for pudding. If my DD doesn't eat her dinner (she's 1.3), she doesn't get her desert. She always explains it to her and sometimes it works and DD will finish. A few times she has come home hungry (I'm guessing) as she refused all dinner. I am a firm believer in not offering alternatives and she has gone to bed with no extra food (although I do give her more milk on those evenings).

My DH was brought up by having to always eat everything on his plate and wasn't allowed to leave the table until he did. I don't agree with this, but think everything in the plate must be tried. If you don't finish, you're clearly not hungry enough, so nothing else gets offered.

I can't believe your parents arrive with biscuits for their children and that a 2 year old is allowed to help themselves to biscuits whenever they want! That's insane!

Yes Lala, it can be a bit frustrating especially when my 2 year old sees what one arrives with, sometimes a biscuit, or a jelly baby or some kind of treat so of course she wants one too. The other, my husband dropped home once and she ran straight to the kitchen. Mum told him she was probably going to get a biscuit and she came back with one in each hand.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not super strict but I know I wouldn't be happy if my DC's were being given biscuits and treats regularly if they went to a childminder. I will carry on as I am and maybe get some feedback from parents and ask particularly around food and their thoughts.

Thanks everyone