11yo

[madwomanintheattic]

Bear with me.

I am more than happy to leave my 13yo and my 9yo in the house for an hour after school until I finish work.

My 11yo, however, has spent £30 on sweets in two weeks (Christmas money) and is rude, sullen, refuses to eat dinner, refuses to get up in the morning, brush his teeth, in fact pretty much refuses to do anything except make my life a misery.

I returned to work just before Christmas and we had a long chat about maturity, and whether he could be trusted, and whether he needed childcare.

If I mention childcare, he screeches and squeals and says no. But apparently he comes home, grabs whatever money he can find, and walks to the shop to buy sweets.

WWYD?

At the risk of drip feeding, he does have an ADHD dx and some aspergers traits, and is gifted. He knows 100% what he is doing and is deliberately choosing to do it. When questioned, he just refuses point blank to talk.

He has been seeing a psych for 18 mos.

Anyone been in this situation? He's old enough, but not responsible enough to be left with the other two. I'm about ready to kill him, tbh.

I am wondering if I'm ever going to be able to hold down a job. I started this one just before Christmas. I actually like it. And I need to pay the mortgage. I need him to get a grip.

My brother was similar. He never got to stay in the house on his own. It caused quite a rift between him and I but not between him and Mum.

What did she do?

He went to a childminder until he refused to go at 14. He then just wandered the streets. I had to keep the door locked to stop him getting into the house. He has ADHD, dyslexia and an attachment disorder. He was so angry about everything.

He has begun to seem happier about his life in the last 3 or 4 years. He's now 33.

Difficult I can see, but even at eleven and with his 'difficulties' I would not be leaving them 'home alone' if you see what I mean.
Ill get flamed for this prob'ly, but I personally think at 13 the oldest DC is too young in my eyes to have responsibility for a younger sibling with SN and another sibling younger also than that.

Do you know anyone that bit older so it doesnt seem like a CM or Nanny more of a 'mentor'/babysitter, but of course not mentioning its a 'babysitter' , who could come over for a couple of hours everyday/most days to keep an eye on all of THEM?

I know what you mean. Where we live the red cross run babysitting courses for 12yos though (dd1 has taken the course and exam and passed) and she has her emergency first aid qualification, too. So culturally, here it's not that weird. Dd1 can be paid to babysit for strangers lol. The problem here is that as siblings, they aren't really being looked after by dd1, he is really taking of himself, but with her there in case anything goes wrong...

I did use a homeschooled 17yo at the end of last year. I may go back to that. I suppose I'm being a skinflint!

It's really ds1 though. The girls are fine.

If having the older teenager there works then carry on doing that. With any luck this will be a phase and in 6 months you can reevaluate and leave them alone then.