Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

What do you think...?

19 replies

pol25 · 19/04/2006 13:42

This is partly my fault I know but...
Started minding a little boy (3.5) in March and my one and only mindee... As new bubba due in Sept and have a 1.5 yr old.
Well, all has been ok excpet a few things that make me concerned- not overly and just think he is not the mindee for me...
Firstly was told his pre school was close- I do a 24mile round trip each day! (I have him four days)
He gets dropped off between 9:30 and 10am- although closer to 10- he hasn't had any breakfast!!! We have to leave for preschool at ten past twelve as it is so far (kinda of my fault I should of looked where preschool was and actually drove there before I accepted him, but parents did say was close to a school my partner worked at last year- it's no where near!!!)
He has awful eating habits- mainly junk and what I would label as 'crap'and it's all made worse by having to give him breakie when he gets in as then he's less hungry for lunch and has no appetiete any how.
Have asked Dad, as he always drops and collects about breakfast and he says that he doesn't have time!
Also he has come for two weeks in a coat which the zip has broken and won't do up- I told dad on first day think maybe it was me- but he said no he always breaks the zips so we have given up! After taking him to the seaside- it was dry but windy in this coat after I had told dad reapeatedly about the zip I just felt so bad as he was cold! I told dad to maybe get him a coat without a zip and poopers or velcro so as he wouldn't breal it again as he was cold and it limits us going out if he hasn't a decent coat! Feel bad that feel like going and buying him one then billing mum and dad!
All together spend two hours in the car each day with DD -NOT a pretty sight! and doing continually trips to his pre school that is too far away... What do I do???
Do I look for someone else or carry on and put it down to my mistake...?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsBigD · 19/04/2006 14:14

Even if it is your 'mistake' for not checking where the preschool is beforehand... I would say not to carry on especially with a new bubba due... the long round trip will be a killer.

What does your contract with the family stipulate in notice etc? You can always say it just isn't working out and you think it will be getting too much for you? Not a lie by the sounds of it.

Also sounds like the parents treat you like a commodity not as someone who they appreciate to look after their kid. O.k. they pay you BUT... iykwim

I just can't his parents though... if I were the parent and my cm/nanny would tell me my child is cold because of faulty jacket the least I would do is hand over a nice thick jumper. And as for the 'no time for breakfast'... erhem... 'he won't eat it' (like my dd) I would accept but not 'no time' ffs get up 15 minutes earlier!

Original poster

pol25 · 19/04/2006 14:19

I think that too! They should get up earlier and give him some!!! He dropped him at 9:50am this morning- not like it is sooo early they get up and are out the door... Glad i'm not some neurotic who think breakfast should be fitted in!
Putting a few ads up at schools near to see if any school run children to do... As we need some money coming in. Also the round trip is killing me and my dd is spending her day in and out, in and out of the car!

OP posts:

MrsBigD · 19/04/2006 14:23

no way to be for your dd... also do the family pay you fuel money?

HappyMumof2 · 19/04/2006 14:30

I would give notice. Tbh, as long as you give the required notice period you are perfectly entitled to end the contract for whatever reasons you wish. You don't even have to go into it.

I would just say that when you took him you had thought the pre school was a lot near and with your pregnancy/new baby soon and your dd you can't carry on. (I agree, sounds no fun for your dd)

Original poster

pol25 · 19/04/2006 14:33

That is another point, I don't get any fuel money and I am only coming out with £70 per week term time, when I am doing all the spending on petrol and running myself ragged.
Feeling guilty tho. Only took him on, on the 30th of March and things just aren't working out.
Feeling so so so guilty.

OP posts:

HappyMumof2 · 19/04/2006 14:34

are you still within the settling in period? My contracts state 1 weeks notice (either side) within settling in period

MrsBigD · 19/04/2006 14:48

pol25... don't feel guilty!

Mismatches do happen!

Obviously it really affects you so give them notice

I'm just glad that when I used a cm it was a perfect match :)

Uwila · 19/04/2006 15:22

You could tell them that you serve breakfast at 8:30, and if they want to drop him of then you can give him brekkie. Otherwise, lunch is the next meal on offer. As a busy working parent myself, I can see that he is busy. I can sooo relate to how reasonable that sounds to him. However, I would expect you to still be serving breakfast at 9:30.

Also, you could say that since you didn't realise how far the nursery is, you will need to charge a school run fee of say five pounds a day?

If they agree to all of this, then you will actually be bringing in more money. And if they don't go for it, then they will give you notice and you can get someone else.

Uwila · 19/04/2006 15:23

Sorry, meant to say I wouldn't expect you to be serving breakfast at 9:30.

jellyjelly · 19/04/2006 16:52

I was wondering about that uwila.

tobysmumkent · 19/04/2006 17:37

I think I'd be tempted to give notice, and use pregnancy and the amount of travel as the reason - if you're getting stressed and feeling upset about this, it's not fair on your family or you. It's hard to grit your teeth and put yourself first tho, sometimes!! (got to admit I'm surprised they've not offered anything towards petrol, you're doing a lot of driving for them!).
As for breakfast, it sounds like your hours with him start after what most people expect breakfast-time to be, so agree that you should advise parents next meal is lunch (maybe an apple/snack mid-morning?).
Hope you get it worked out!!

kizzypie · 19/04/2006 17:48

So is the preschool 6 miles away then and you drop him off and pick him up. I would definately charge for petrol, and I agree with what everyone else is saying about brekkie, coat etc. I charge to take my mindees to nursery which is only 2 miles away (£12 for 4 days to pick up only). Its horrible to be in a situation like that. (ive been there, seen it, wore the tshirt etc so I only do nurserys close by now)

ThePrisoner · 19/04/2006 18:44

If you had a mindee from another family and were spending a couple of hours a day in the car, the other family wouldn't be very impressed!!

I agree with charging something for the fuel, but it sounds as though you would rather give notice anyway. I would also say that you really hadn't realised how far away preschool was, and that the effect all this travelling is having on your own child (and your sanity) is a problem -and will certainly be worse with a new baby.

I have a selection of spare coats, socks, jumpers and trousers for "emergencies" because there will always be accidents, or children arriving without coats from time to time.

tobysmumkent · 19/04/2006 19:17

One of the reasons I posted is because I do a lot of nursery runs for my DS2, plus school runs for my DS1. I have cut back my c/minding hours as a result. Thought I could increase them when DS2 starts school in Sept, but now looks like he could only be doing half days, so still 3 lots of schoolruns a day (morning, noon, afternoon).

So, I won't be building up my childminding hours from September as I wanted, I don't want other people's kiddies in a car for 2/3 hours a day, it doesn't seem fair on them! So agree with Theprisoner about other sets of parents....Good luck with what you decide!

Original poster

pol25 · 19/04/2006 19:33

I have decided to give it another week and see how we go and then hand notice, if I feel the same which I know I will.
Matters aren't made better with an unsupportive DP who thinks because i'm at home all day I do nothing at all! No I am just a mum to a 1.5 yr old and CM to a 3.5 yr old and PG!!! I do absolutely nothing, some how the cleaning fairies come in and manage to clean all the house, do the washing and ironing and have two happy spotless kids when he comes home from work!!! I have been sat on my bum all day watching Trisha!!!
The guilt I feel is bad too because maybe I should've been better prepared, as in knowing actually how stressful this nursery drop would be! And having to wake DD after 40 mins sleep when she normally has 2 hrs makes me feel like the worse mum in the world.
Thanks ladies will let you know if there is fireworks when I decide!

OP posts:

MrsBigD · 19/04/2006 19:48

how about one day you don't do anything around the house ... I'm sure your dp will notice the difference
Good luck on whatever you decide

diddle · 20/04/2006 18:15

pol25 - i think you should tell the parents politely what you have told us, it is your job to be concerned for their chid. I would explain the brekafast and lunch situation, and ask them to make sure their child has had breakfast before he arrives as you feel it is affecting his eating habits and lunch. and possibly say that you won't be providing breakfast after a certain time.. surely it is stopping you from going out anywhere in the mornings too as you ahve such little time once he;s arrived between that and going out at lunchtime.

Original poster

pol25 · 20/04/2006 19:30

Have had the worst day ever!
This has made my mind up, I think...
Firstly no breakfast this morning and so gave him half a slice of toast to keep him going as we have lunch at tweleve so we make his pre school. For lunch we had made home made pizza which he said he liked and he chose the toppings for his one. When cooked did not eat a single bite, even tho we were encouraging him etc...
Then for tea we had a chicken roast, which he likes and has eaten - be it a meagre portion that wouldn't even satisfy dd! He did not touch it either, just pushed it arounbd his plate, even with yet more encouragement. After which time he had sat there a while and it was getting cold. I asked if he was going to eat any of it and he said no so I said he may get down. To which he said can I have the milky bar buttons for my pudding that were sat in our treat bowl!!! Needless to say what the answer was.
Just feel so disheartened. My DP moans at the wastage of food he has but I think more that he hasn't eaten anything!!!!!
Also feel Dad and Mum aren't that bothered as I have been sending him home with a book of what he has done, eaten etc and Dad said- oh just send it home on Friday not every night!
Going to write a huge bit about the food thing tomorrow in there so Mum can read it and tell Dad tomorrow night too.

OP posts:

bigisbeatifull · 21/04/2006 22:57

you always get these parents. i find it never works out. start advertising and give notice. i always feel i need to get on with the parents on first meeting more than the child, that comes in time. some people just dont care how they treat us. once you have given notice you will feel like a weight has been lifted.

as for the husband thing.............its a man thing

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread