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Original poster

How would you handle this situation?

100 replies

MissNJE · 09/12/2012 22:58

I am a live-in nanny and I was told tonight that I can't stay in my room over NYE as the mother of MB would like to sleep in my room. Other guests will stay I am back from NYC on the 30th and have to work on the 31st, so will probably be tired and the last thing I want is to stay at a hotel and pay £££ for it as it is NYE.

This is one of the situations where I really consider moving out and have my own flat. I don't want anybody sleeping in 'my' room, i have all my personal stuff there

AIBU or is MB?

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Dromedary · 09/12/2012 23:19

If the arrangement is that you live there, it's your home, then they're being unreasonable to throw you out for their convenience like this. They should surely pay for your hotel room?

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/12/2012 23:31

She is being MASSIVELY unreasonable.

You live there in exchange for lower wages, essentially you're paying rent, it's your room and she cannot kick you out or allow someone else to sleep in there without your consent.

Of course it would be nice of you to let her DM sleep in there, but she needs to ask not tell you and she needs to pay for you to stay in a hotel.

The cheek of some people is unbelievable!

Original poster
MissNJE · 09/12/2012 23:35

Thanks Dromedary. Yes, I live here seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. So not even a 5/2 arrangement. I could understand if the mother would live far away, but she lives 10-15 minutes away. A cab costs £15 so probably a bit more on NYE but still less expensive than to pay for a hotel.
I am quite upset as we usually get on very well and I did not expect this. I had the option to stay longer in NYC but as I have to work on the 31st I had come back.

OP posts:
magicOC · 09/12/2012 23:45

Be prepared for it to be awkward, but, do stand your ground.

It's your personal space that is part and parcel of the job.

If she had thought (wrongly) that you would be away till say 2nd or 3rd jan, then maybe she thought it would be fine, BUT, as she has you working on NYE she clearly knows you are around.

Tell her all your mates will still be away so you have nowhere to go.

She surely can't do this???

She is being VVVU

Good luck

Pancakeflipper · 09/12/2012 23:48

Can you stay at the mother's house ( even though Inthink they are being unreasonable telling you to ship out for the night) ?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 23:50

Stand your ground, it is your room, it is not her spare room when it suits her. Whether you are in the UK or in NY. If you were in NY she would have been totally out of order to have let her Mother use your room without your permission.

Tell her this ^

I'm guessing you are a really good nanny and she appreciates that, which is why you get on so well - not because she's actually a nice person (if that makes sense).

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 23:51

I thought about that Pancake - then thought - why the fuck should she??

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2012 23:52

... and it will lead to futher misunderstandings about the room being MissNJE's room - a private space, not their spare room when it suits them.

NatashaBee · 09/12/2012 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MissNJE · 09/12/2012 23:58

I am still not sure what I do NYE, all of my friends aren't in London but in NYC on NYE or somewhere else. I couldn't stay until the 1st because I have to work on the 31st.

OP posts:
magicOC · 10/12/2012 00:01

Even more reason for her no to expect you to vacate

TwoFacedCows · 10/12/2012 00:02

they have a bloody cheek! kicking you our of your own room, I would not be impressed and probably refused. - like you say, all of your stuff is in there!

Original poster
MissNJE · 10/12/2012 00:03

So the only friend who might have been in London just told me that she is in Germany at NYE. Angry

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Original poster
MissNJE · 10/12/2012 00:04

On not at NYE. Sorry tipping from my iphone.

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ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 00:06

Did you want to be in NY for NYE?

Can you change your tickets?

Viviennemary · 10/12/2012 00:13

If you have to work on the 31st then it is most unreasonable of them to say you can't have your room. This sounds very unfair of them. I think you should at least think about finding another job where you are appreciated more. Cheeky wretches!!

Original poster
MissNJE · 10/12/2012 00:41

Hi,

No I can not change my tickets and I still have to work on the 31st.

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ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 00:43

Well, if you could change your tickets I was going to suggest that you offer the use of your room in exchange for not having to work on the 31st so you can stay in NY longer.

Original poster
MissNJE · 10/12/2012 00:45

viviennemary that's what upsets me the most. I always assumed that they appreciate me a 100% but things like this just show me that they don't, which hurts a lot.

I am glad that people don't think I am overreacting.

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Original poster
MissNJE · 10/12/2012 00:47

My employers don't really have an option, they both have to work on the 31st and the grandmother won't look after him for the day because she doesn't want to change nappies. I therefore have t work on the 31st.

Even if I wasn't here, it's my room with my personal stuff in it and I am a bit weird about other people sleeping in my bed apart from sister. I always have been and I probably always will be.

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Viviennemary · 10/12/2012 01:03

I think if you have to work on the 31st then your room must be available for you to sleep in. If it isn't then you won't be available to work on that day. And the decision then is theirs. Hope you get it sorted out. Why can't the Grandma go home if she only lives a short distance away. They sound as if they want things completely their way. .

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 01:29

You aren't over-reacting not to them assuming they can just comandeer your room when it suits them

Original poster
MissNJE · 10/12/2012 02:00

MB does not want her to stay. Long story, but that's how she is. Guest bedroom and all other sleeping options are for the parents of the father and his brothers. Grandmother feels excluded and 'demands' my room.

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McPheastOfStephen · 10/12/2012 02:06

How bloody rude

Do not, under any circumstances let this happen

I'm very angry on your behalf

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 02:06

She can 'demand' all she likes - she simply has to be told 'No, that is NJE's room. You only live 5 minutes up the room, we'll organise you a taxi or you are welcome to kip on the couch'.

Why why why do people think they can walk all over others to let some demading prat have what they want??

IF your MB had come to me and said 'Could you PLEASE help me out?? Mum is being a royal pain in the arse and wants to stay here on NYE as DH's family are - is there anyway she could possibly use your room? You can have the couch or we'll book you into a hotel' - then I would do it, but I would not be told that she was staying in my room and I'd have to sort myself out.